College Dating Scene?

[Mr. Draco]

(This is a repost of a reply I made in the giant, recently dug up "Are gamers really that pathetic" thread that I felt was different enough to be it's own thread)

I'm in a fairly unique situation, and this thread [Are gamers really that pathetic?] brings up some questions in my mind.

First a little bit about my situation, so you can understand where I'm coming from.

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Once the fall picks up, I'll be in my third year at Caltech. Caltech is a very small (and I mean it, we only get about 215 freshmen each year, and have a total undergraduate body of around 900), very selective science/math/engineering University in Pasadena, CA. There are many unique phenomena at Caltech, and one is the "Ratio." If anyone on campus ever mentions the Ratio, it's immediately understood by all involved that the particular statistic in question is the ratio of male students to female students at Caltech. The ratio is about 2.4 : 1 (with more males than females). This has been a very slow and gradual improvement from the Caltech of decades ago, which was a male-only school.

Now, this normally wouldn't be so bad for a university right in the middle of Los Angeles, with plenty of other schools around, but because of the intense workload (trust me when I say that, even when they try, the average student has a very difficult time getting off campus for more than just a couple of hours, even on weekends) socializing at other schools is extremely difficult. With such a small student body, a very heavy workload that largely precludes getting off campus, and a house system that leaves the students extremely closely-knit, this all leave Techers (as we refer to ourselves) with Techers.

Many male students at Caltech complain about how bad the Ratio is incessantly, and even among the most upbeat and optimistic students (among whom I count myself) dissenting voices can and will be heard. There's a saying that for girls "the odds are good, but the goods are odd," which is a result of Caltech attracting plenty of, and almost exclusively, nerds. More empirically, greater than 70% of the girls at Caltech are involved in a relationship at any given time, while less than 20% of the guys at Caltech are similarily involved. A girl may go two weeks to a month, or less, between relationships and have more than five interested guys approach her during that time (and likely several more who are interested, but don't make any effort). Many guys have simply never dated at Caltech (yet many of them dated in highschool, so this isn't likely to be a result of complete social ineptitude). Sure, there are a fair share of creepy guys, but there are similarily creepy girls, so I believe that they have a canceling-out effect on each other.

I count myself among the higher end of socially-apt guys, and I've had several girlfriends (though only one at Caltech, but not from lack of trying--I've picked up half a dozen rejections as well, and they aren't things I regret), and when I find myself among people from other schools, I have no problem with fitting in with them, so I hope my view of the situation at my university is relatively unbiased and free from regrets and complaints.

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My question is, what's the scene like at other universities/colleges? I haven't had the chance to get out and experience it myself, and even if I had, I doubt I'd have the insight of someone attending another school, so I'd be interested to hear what the situation is like elsewhere (with regards to the type of information I posted about Caltech).

 

[trancejeremy]

Back in the 90s, I went to Florida Tech, which while less prestigious, is pretty similar in makeup and theme to Cal Tech. And yeah, it was pretty much like you said. The heavy ratio pretty much ensures that, I'm sure. (I personally only dated women from the town, not the college)

 

[Zander]

My question is, what's the scene like at other universities/colleges? I haven't had the chance to get out and experience it myself, and even if I had, I doubt I'd have the insight of someone attending another school, so I'd be interested to hear what the situation is like elsewhere (with regards to the type of information I posted about Caltech).

I was an undergrad at Johns Hopkins and both the "ratio" and the workload were as you describe for CalTech. Frankly, I was lucky to get a GF especially one who was beautiful (not just my opinion). She had a soft spot for non-US accents and I sound British. Otherwise, I wouldn't have had a chance.

You may have to forget about dating until you graduate. If that prospect seems too depressing, you can take extra classes and graduate early. I was going to do a BA/MA in four years but after I broke up with my GF, I completed my BA in three and went to grad school elsewhere.

Here's a warning for you: In years to come, when you explain how it was at CalTech, people who haven't gone through a similar experience won't truly believe/appreciate what it was like. So don't expect sympathy - you'll only get that from a select few.

 

[Mr. Draco]

Here's a warning for you: In years to come, when you explain how it was at CalTech, people who haven't gone through a similar experience won't truly believe/appreciate what it was like. So don't expect sympathy - you'll only get that from a select few.

I'm not really asking for sympathy, just curious what it's like at other places. Thanks for the info about John Hopkins (and Florida Tech, trancejeremy)!

 

[Crothian]

At Ohio State University it was amazing. My Freshman class was probably ten thousand or more. Ratio was pretty much one to one with seemingly people from everywhere. One clear spring and summer days the Oval is filled with sunbathers. It was quite a show.

Of course with so many people it was meant that it was really easy to be alone and get lost in the masses. I found the working computer labs was a great way to meet people, not just for dates and things but just meet people. I'd see the same people daily and talking about what they were doing, how the labs worked, etc was a great and easy ice breaker.

I'm not saying it was easy to date people, but the biggest obsticles of it all was me.

 

[Umbran]

Back in my undergrad days at Clarkson University, there was a similar ratio problem. We had it slightly worse, in that even if we did get off campus, there were few places to go - there was only one other university nearby, the town was small and in a rural area, with hours of driving between us and what you'd call a major metropolitan area.

Here's the thing, though - If you cannot spare more than a couple of hours to get off campus, you can't spare more than a couple of hours, period. That means you've got little time to develop a lasting relationship. Which might account for much of the real problem at CalTech. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy, and all that.

 

[LightPhoenix]

At Binghamton, it was pretty much a one to one ratio of guys to girls. Even so, there were a few things that were limiting. Mostly, there was an Upstate/Downstate thing going on, with a good proportion of people from NYC or the surrounding area... maybe 2:1 or 3:1. Also, unlike a good deal of colleges, Binghamton has almost no Greek activity, so there weren't many big parties. In fact, most people tended only to mingle within one or two groups, usually clubs or sports. Finally, there wasn't much to do at all in Binghamton... it's barely a city and a dying one at that.

Syracuse, on the other hand, is pretty much the opposite. There are tons of parties, both Greek and non-Greek, and a good non-drinking/party social crowd as well, so meeting people is pretty easy. In addition, I've found people to be a little more outgoing here... for example, I met a couple of rugby girls at a bar one time and now whenever I see them there's a big to-do... whereas at Bing, the sports people (no rugby team) only talked to the sports people.

 

[kenobi65]

She had a soft spot for non-US accents and I sound British.

"Sound British"? I thought you were British? Or, is it all just an act?

My college experience was, well, very different from the Caltech experience. I went to the University of Wisconsin-Madison, a school that is regularly ranked highly on lists of "party schools" (Playboy gave it the #1 spot last year). The "ratio" there was pretty close to 1:1 25 years ago, and might be even more strongly female now. The student population was around 45,000. And, while it's certainly a good school, the university, as a whole, doesn't have a reputation as a "grinder" school (though the Engineering school, as a subset of the total, is probably closer to Caltech, both in "ratio" and "grinderness").

And, through my time there (4 years of undergrad, 2 years getting my Master's), I had 3 serious girlfriends, and a fair number of dates when I didn't have serious girlfriends.

I guess the point is that a bigger, more diverse campus is probably going to yield a better social life, even for a nerdy gamer. On the other hand, a lot probably also depends on how serious you are about your studies, and how much studying your chosen major requires.