See, @Wolfpack48, I disagree. I completely do not judge anyone for not wanting to play with someone else. We are playing a game. If I don't want to play with you, I shouldn't have to justify it and no one has the right to tell me that I should play with you when I don't want to, regardless of my reasons for not wanting to play with you.
If you or anyone else doesn't want to play with someone, THAT'S OK. That's 100% okay. We're playing a game. I am not responsible for helping anyone, nor am I required to. Particularly in my free time. I just want to play a game and I am not interested in dealing with someone else's drama is 100% fine.
If someone comes up with that list and says, "Hey, can we not have X" and the DM turns to them and says, "I'm sorry, but, no", no one has done anything wrong. Nor should anyone be judged for saying no. That is absolutely their right to say no. Consent works both ways. You don't get to bludgeon people over the head with it, nor guilt them into accepting your requirements. By the same token, if someone says, "Hey can we not have X?" and the DM agrees, and then does a bait and switch and does it anyway, THEN we have a jerk DM.
But, no one is a jerk for not wanting to deal with someone else's issues.
I’m thinking if it a bit more finely than that. Person X comes to the game and asks nicely if we could avoid spiders in the game because they have the phobia. Both those responses above would be pretty hostile to a nicely worded request. No conversation, just “You’re disrupting our game. There’s the door. Get lost.” THAT is also the sign of a jerk referee whose throne is being threatened. I can smell it a mile away.