Dating Myth or Truth?

[Terath Ninir]

As far as I can tell, the only real kiss of death is if she tells you she thinks of you as one of her best friends. You can't recover from being a "friend". You hear that, give up.

I think in most cases, most of the time, most PEOPLE -- either gender -- decide whether a person is a worthy mate or not at first glance. That can and sometimes is changed later. I, of course, have no numbers, but I'd guesstimate that first glance wins out 2/3rds of the time. It depends on the person, of course, but most people tend to stick with their initial assessment of the situation. So you better be DAMN charming if you want to change her opinion, but I think it's just possible. Unless she's told you what a good friend you are, of course.

 

[Crothian]

I think a lot of it has to do with revisionist history. People like to beleive in love at first site but most of the women I know when they stated dating thier future husbands were not so sure. But now 10 years later they say they knew from the start.

 

[barsoomcore]

How this is a "woman" thing? Or a "dating" thing?

People make up their minds about each other almost immediately. It's natural. It's even good. I mean, being able to size others up quickly is a useful skill to have. As is, of course, being able to allow later evidence to alter your first impression. Which is the real kicker. But overcoming first impressions is very, very difficult, no matter who's formed the impression about who for what purpose.

Deciding on the suitability of someone as a potential mate is something that goes very, very deep, and I would imagine that it IS pretty tough to overcome initial impressions.

Why is this a bad thing? It's not like looks and clothes and hairstyles are the only criteria used. Getting a good first impression is probably as much about attitude, carriage, and style as about symmetry of features and fitness of body. I know plenty of not-very-good-looking lads who do just fine.

 

[Desdichado]

I, of course, have no numbers

I'll give you mine if you promise to call...

 

[ST]

I think I know what you're *really* asking, and I think it's "I'm smitten with a woman who is not currently attracted to me; is it possible for me to change her mind?"

If that's the question, the answer is unequivocably, absolutely, NO.

Sorry, but that's the truth of it.

Women may stay at "maybe" for a while, but they don't swing from "no" to "yes".

 

[Crothian]

I think I know what you're *really* asking, and I think it's "I'm smitten with a woman who is not currently attracted to me; is it possible for me to change her mind?"

If that's the question, the answer is unequivocably, absolutely, NO.

Sorry, but that's the truth of it.

Women may stay at "maybe" for a while, but they don't swing from "no" to "yes".

Or to turn the latest phrase "She's not really into you!!"

 

[fusangite]

Thanks guys. That was a great performance. ENWorld has managed to, for the most part, back up all the data and theory I currently have in this area. You've been another chorus of valuable voices in preventing me from doing something stupid. Good work!

That stated, no ST, you are not quite correct about what I was "really asking."

 

[fusangite]

How this is a "woman" thing? Or a "dating" thing?

I think men do alter their opinion about whether they could be attracted to someone more easily. This could be because male attraction is often more physiologically grounded and so changes in a woman's physical characteristics might cause us to re-assess her whereas a similar change in male physical appearance might not.

 

[barsoomcore]

Mm. Sounds suspicious to me. I think a woman might change her mind just as easily, if for different reasons.

If a guy initially dismissed as a socially awkward loser turns out to be gifted public speaker, funny and charming in a crowd and with a host of admirers, I would imagine his ranking would rise significantly.

I'll grant you that those are more difficult qualities to change than, say, combing your hair.



Maybe the concept we're groping to express is that women are just better judges of character than men. I can think of a couple of armchair anthropologist reasons why that might actually be so. Not sure there's much evidence to support it, but that's never stopped me before...

 

[Terath Ninir]

I think men do alter their opinion about whether they could be attracted to someone more easily. This could be because male attraction is often more physiologically grounded and so changes in a woman's physical characteristics might cause us to re-assess her whereas a similar change in male physical appearance might not.

Don't buy it. I've seen too many women drooling over hawt guys. I firmly believe that women are EXACTLY as shallow as men; they've just been taught to say that they aren't, while they're checking out Brad Pitt's butt.

So, if you start seriously exercising and make yourself hawt, you have a chance of changing a chick's opinion. Not a great one, possibly, but a chance.