Dating someone older or younger- seriously.

[MrFilthyIke]

My wife of 5 years is 10+ years older than me. But we're both immature at heart, so does it really matter?

And on a serious note, I've never been given "crap" or what have you, but many people are suprised I married an older woman. Now, were *I* dating a woman that much younger, they'd give me filthy looks. :\

 

[howandwhy99]

A friend of mine offered me this rule of thumb in college and I have remembered it ever since. Take of it what you will:

Children aren't allowed to date until 14. From then on you are not "supposed" to date anyone Less Than 1/2 your age +7. So 14 = 14.

I am 30 now, so apparently it would look strange if I dated anyone under 22. And I think that's about right.

Granted 50 = 32 and 60 = 37, but I think the system requires a certain amount of open-mindedness that is more common today than it has been in past generations.

If she was 24 (12+7=19), it doesn't sound so bad. Though having lived through those ages I can say her having kids is another kind of maturity altogether.

Funny thing is I asked my friend how old a person you should date above your age and he said "whatever you can get". So it's all in the angle

 

[DungeonmasterCal]

My first girlfriend in college was 27. I was 19. A couple years later, I dated a woman who was 35. The first one ended rather awkwardly, and the latter ended very amicably, and we remained friends for a couple years on down the road.

 

[LightPhoenix]

I'm going to upset a lot of people, I can tell already based on the responses.

I think it is quite a big deal when there's a large age gap. Especially when you are younger, the size of that gap tends to be smaller than when you're older.

Before I go on, I know someone will say "I know so-and-so" and yada yada yada. I'm gonna speak in generalities, and that's anecdotal anyway. Also, I am well aware that maturity has many different aspects, and that not everyone progresses at the same rate. Again, I'm gonna use generalities.

First off, it's not wrong for a nineteen year old to think that someone sixteen is hot, or to be attracted to someone of that age. After all, you were only that age three years ago, and it does take a while to grow out of that. And I seriously think they're putting something in the water nowadays, because I don't remember some of these sixteen year olds looking that hot when I was in school. I really don't think I need to go into the potential problems of a relationship between a nineteen year old and a sixteen year old, other than to say that I personally feel it is very much a bad idea.

There is a vast difference in both intellectual and emotional maturity between a sixteen year old, a nineteen year old, a twenty-five year old, a thirty-five year old, and a sixty year old. Part of this is because usually people of each age group are focusing on different things. A large part of it however is that there just isn't the degree of development and life experience between them. That makes a relationship between age groups rather difficult. Not impossible, as everyone's anecdotal evidence shows. Just difficult.

Also, it's bull that age differences don't matter, because they do. Appearance matters. You may not care about it, but other people do. There's a very definite stigma that occurs when you're an older guy dating a younger woman, especially when it's nineteen to sixteen. You could be the nicest guy in the world, but many people will think that you're taking advantage of the girl, and hold that against you. Not the least of which would be the girl's parents.

Between the societal pressure to date someone around your own age (though lessened between 30-50, I think), the general differences in maturity, and the differing life goals between age groups, it's just not a good idea, in my opinion.

As for anecdotal evidence... my brother's friend is 16, dating a 20 year old. Most people think he's the scum of the earth, and his friend is quite mature for her age. One of my good friends, 24, dated a guy who was 33, and while it wasn't as big a deal on the societal front, he never really fit in with any of her friends, and eventually that didn't work out. I dated a girl in college who was a freshman, 19, and I was 21, and it didn't work out well at all... she ended up cheating on me then breaking up with me, because she wanted to see what else was out there. I on the other hand started making the shift towards putting a life together. And the cute girl at the radio station got really mad at myself and the pop director because we told her she was hot, we wouldn't date her because she was 17... it was the moral of the thing, we agreed it would just be wrong.

 

[diaglo]

you are as young as you want to be or as old.

in the past i dated women/girls upto 6 years younger. my wife of 10 years is 10+ years older.

 

[Hand of Evil]

I have dated a woman 18 years younger than me, it was four month that I see as some of the best times of my life. The problem was from her side, her peers and family, being older than her father did not help, and while we had a lot in common, we did have a difference in fun; drinking and dancing two and three times a week gets old when you are 44.

 

[Ao the Overkitty]

My girlfriend of 4+ years is 5 years older than me.

It took my mother a while to get used to it, but a good part of that was this relationship started as an internet romance. She is the only one I've gotten any flak about it from.

 

[Morrus]

My last long-term girlfriend was 8 years old than me (she was 36 when I met her, I was 28). It lasted two years, but the age difference really did show. Different priorities, interests and so forth. These things only really began to show themselves properly after a few months.

It may have been that I was a little immature for my age, but it did cause a problem. We're still extremely good friends, however.

 

[der_kluge]

I suspect the gender bias in age has a lot to do with fertility. A man can father children into his 80s, but a woman really can't give birth once she's past 40 or 45. Women are considered high risk after 35. So, there's nothing genetically wrong with a 50 year old man marrying a 25 year old woman. There's a lot to be said for such a relationship - in our society, the man is likely to have a good nest egg, and will be able to provide for his family. The wife will be attracted to that man because of his financial stability and wisdom.

It has a lot to do with society, and Darwin, actually.

I also think an age difference can be hard to work. That's not to say that it can't, obviously there are people here that are proof otherwise, I just think the odds are against it. My wife is 1.5 years older than me. She graduated two years before me (her '89, me '91). And even though 1.5 years isn't that much, we can often find several areas in which our childhoods differ - she can remember listening to certain tunes on the radio that I have no recollection of. Certain TV shows from our childhood were different, movies, etc. So, it's kind of an interesting observation. The more the age group, the more differences there will be.

 

[Rel]

When I was 16, I dated a woman who was 20. She ah..."introduced me to the ways of physical love".

It was a scandal. Her parents were mad. Mine weren't thrilled. People stared at us (particularly that one time we were making out at a local park, which I admit wasn't all that polite). Her younger sister was humiliated (she was an ex-girlfriend of mine who had dumped me for one of my friends). Everywhere we turned somebody had a negative of our relationship.

I recommend it. Sex is never better than when the whole world is against you and you have to struggle to be together.

I'm smiling just thinking about it, IYKWIMAITYD.