Dating someone older or younger- seriously.

[Laurel]

Hey, everyone.

I've been wondering something lately... is there anyone out there who's dated someone of a different age than them? Now, I'm not talking a year's difference- I mean, has anyone out there dated someone three or more years older or younger than them? If so, did it work? How was it viewed? Did anyone give you crap about it? Did the other person's parents have a good or bad opinion of the relationship?

Now, I know lots of people are going to want to say things like, "It doesn't matter what people think or how old you are, it depends on how you feel about it" or something like that. Well, that's not what I'm looking for- personally, I DO care how people view my relationships, because if I'm going to date someone, I don't want my friends to view my relationship in a negative manner, and I sure as heck don't want my partner's parents (or my parents) giving me crap about it. So is there anyone out there who's been in such a situation? How did it go?

I have to say my mind wasn't working and when I first started to read this I thought is was about not the actual date age difference of people dating, but of mental age differences.



To answer your question though, I'd have to say it goes by what stage of life you are at and how big the age difference.

A fifty year old man with a sixty year old woman no big deal. A fifty year old man with a eighteen year old girl will not be seen as so cool.

An seventeen year old girl with a fourteen year old boy not so big, except by peers and the whole 'cool factor at that age. An 18 year old boy with a 16 year old girl..... yeah.

A man in his forties could marry someone in their thirties and it wouldn't seem strange.



But then again on some change around sexes and it changes the story and how people will look at it. So like I said it really all depends on what stage of life. The younger people are it seems the less the age difference should be. The younger someone is the more fragile their state of self, their state of seeing the world, their ability to be influenced, and their lack of control in their lives they seem to be believed to have.



I'd like to think everyone say's it doesn't matter, but to a majority of people it does or I should say it can. From what I have seen personally though it is not a standard of age difference matters. But you asked about people's perceptions of age difference.

 

[Rel]

I feel it worth mentioning that, in most jurisdictions that I'm aware of, the age of consent/statutory rape thing generally only applies when one person is a minor and the other is more than a couple (2 or 3 usually) years older. In other words, 34 year old man (or woman) and 15 year old girl is NOT OK. 15 year old girl and 17 year old guy is probably not illegal and neither is 17 year old girl and 19 year old guy. I won't speak to the morality of any of that.

I frankly don't find anything "oogy" about a freshman (15 year old) dating a senior (18 year old), despite the fact that one can vote and the other can't. And, for most of human history, they would have been well past marriageable age.

 

[The_Universe]

My wife is almost exactly 3 years younger than I am.

My first girlfriend was about 2.5 years older than I was.

In the first case, our interests and world view just fit right together, which makes the age difference nil. In the latter case (which was obviousl chronologically first) the age was ancillary to larger problems that caused the breakup.

I'll say this: being on opposite sides of the "21" (US drinking age) gap is tough on a relationship, but not impossible to surmount.

 

[devilish]

Ah, the chance to be Devil's Advocate....

Just out of a marriage with a woman who's 10yrs my senior. Didn't
work out. We met when I was 25 and she 35, now we're 36/46.

She initially said kids weren't an issue but as time wore on, the biological
clock *did* tick -- don't let anyone tell you it won't unless they are in
the midst of it or past it. It's a bio clock for a reason, not a "philosophical clock".

When the marriage got stale, we had very little touch points to keep us
together. Different TV shows growing up, different priorities and interests,
different songs --- all this can add up to isolation. Fundamental views on
money can be a problem -- your 30s are when you have the money to start
thinking about your dreams and what you want, while your 40s make you
think about stability/retirement {generalizations, yes...but here just for example}.
Jobs were different --- 30s could be a time for career change or growth --- 40s
are looking at the young bucks coming in and getting a stable management job
that you can coast through.

Again, big disclaimer on my observations -- please no, "Hey, I'm 45 and I'm still
growing in my career!!!" -- just that, imho, 10 years is a big difference in all
spheres between people. 5 is not too bad, I've found.

 

[Xath]

I'm currently dating someone 3 years older than I am, and he's the closest to my age out of any of my previous boyfriends. It seems to be working out for both of us really well. Sure there are differences in interest in some areas, but since we're both avid gamers, most of our social time/interest fall into that category. Our age gap shows in the fact that he played D&D 2nd, and I started with 3.0. Whoop di do.

Now I can see the opposite end as well. When I was 16, my boyfriend was 20. We had been really good friends for a while, but our...romantic interests were not the same at all. (By the way, between the ages of 16-18, you can have relations with someone up to 4 years apart without it being a legal snit.)

My grandfather was 11 years older than my grandmother and they were happily married until the day he passed away.

I think mostly it has to do with maturity and common interest. Age isn't a huge factor as long as you have conversation and you enjoy spending time together.

 

[Belen]

I am 28 and my wife is 24. We got married when she was 23 and started dating when she was 21. My father and mother are 11 years apart. They got married when he was 29 and she was 18, almost 19.

No biggie.

Rel Rocks!

 

[kenobi65]

When I was 18, I started dating a woman who was 32. (Met her in my D&D group, actually .) Having not had much (if any) luck with girls in high school, it was a big ego boost for me...especially because she *was* hot, and it was a very physical relationship.

My parents didn't know about it for a while; when I finally told them, they weren't happy, but were cool enough that they didn't issue me any ultimatums. It did bother me that I didn't have their blessing, and I don't know what I would have done if the relationship had really gotten serious (i.e., if we'd talked about getting married).

Ann and I actually had a fair amount in common when it came to interests, but the age difference and difference in life experiences (she had been in the military, been married twice, had two kids) got to be too much. She wanted desperately to win custody of her daughters back from her ex-husband, and dating a 19-year-old college student wasn't going to help that.

She wound up breaking up with me after a year-and-a-half, and took up with a friend of mine (with whom she had more in common, he being about 5 years older than me, and an army vet).

 

[Lorthanoth]

My girlfriend of 2 years is 3 years younger than me (23 and 26), makes no difference to us or anyone else. I think in your twenties it doesn't matter at all, but we do occasionally think that it would have got some funny looks when we were 16 and 19. Depends how each of you feels: I don't think that anyone should dictate about one's relationships.

 

[Cthulhu's Librarian]

we can often find several areas in which our childhoods differ - she can remember listening to certain tunes on the radio that I have no recollection of. Certain TV shows from our childhood were different, movies, etc.

This describes my wife & I almost perfectly. I'm 3 years older than she is, and we often find ourselves with different points of reference, especially with pop culture. I often say things like "Did you ever watch <insert long forgotten cartoon name here>?" and she gives me a blank stare. Or she will talk about a band that had a big radio hit in the early 90s that she remembers from high school and all I can say is "Uh, no, don't remember it, but I saw Phish play 12 times that year." 3 years doesn't sound like a long time, but I remember when Gerald Ford was president and she doesn't. I remember seeing Star Wars in the theater in 1977, she never did. Little things overall, but on occasion we both have one of those "Hmm" moments.

 

[DungeonmasterCal]

There was 21 years age difference between my mom and dad. They were married 30 years before he passed away in 1985.