D&D 5E Dealing with a trouble player and a major blow up

[Dannyalcatraz]

This is mostly good advice, but seriously, "wuss"?

Where I come from, calling someone a wuss would get you invited away from the table for a brief discussion on acceptable behavior.

...which would get us back to the beginning of this thread.

 

[the Jester]

This is mostly good advice, but seriously, "wuss"?

Where I come from, calling someone a wuss would get you invited away from the table for a brief discussion on acceptable behavior.

You are absolutely right; I apologize, and I'd be happy if Majoru called me out for calling him a wuss. Please, call me out, Majoru! Practice!! A little practice would probably help here.

Seriously, from what the OP has written, this guy has been a problem player for literally years. It sounds like Majoru may have posted about him before, which means it's a burr under his saddle and has been irritating him for God knows how long. The guy described as a problem player has thrown fits, disrupted games, complained about absolutely reasonble things time and again, abandoned other people when having a tantrum and ruined sessions for at least Majoru_O and the other guy at the table that night. And the whole time, Majoru's silence has taught him that this is how he should act to get his way. He's been shown- for literally years, from the sound of it- that acting like a jerk at the table has no consequences. Majoru is basically training him to continue being a problem player.

It's not my game; I don't play at that store. But if I did, even if I'd been at the other table, I would have mentioned the incident to the manager as a disruption and suggested that an eye be kept on the problem player henceforth so that, if he continued to disrupt things, he could be ejected. I like Majoru, but he is actually contributing to the problem in my opinion. Letting this go on- especially the BS about "you can't bring it up"- is absolutely, completely, without a doubt in my mind the worst possible choice here. Better to be the bigger man and step away from the table. Best of all to confront the guy throwing tantrums, ask him to knock it off and explain that next time he's out and stick to it.

So, Majoru Oakheart, I apologize again for calling you a wuss. But I wish you'd stiffen up and do the right thing here.

Also, I think you may have to write off the girlfriend. It doesn't sound like she has a problem with the present situation, and her willingness to break your confidence vis-a-vis the bf doesn't speak well of her. It also sounds like she values her relationship with him more than her relationship with you. I dunno about this part, but your reluctance to address all the questions about her in this thread seems to kind of say something in itself. Could be that there's a lot of reading in in those questions; could be that there's something there you're not consciously aware of; could be that there's an ugly kernel of jealousy somewhere in the mix. I don't know. But it really sounds like she's chosen who she's with, despite your opinion of the guy.

 

[S'mon]

Does it seem that our hobby has more than it's fair share of "difficult" folks to anyone else out there in forum-land?

That hasn't been my experience, I've seen dozens & dozens of players at the London
D&D Meetup since 2008 and less than a handful of bad ones. But I think if you let the
bad flourish it drives out the good - establish a dysfunctional paradigm where jerks are
rewarded for jerkishness, and eventually your table will be full of jerks. I'd rather risk
over-correcting early on and have a table of excellent players.

 

[S'mon]

And you will have to make a decision on what is more important. A real life friend or an imaginary game. Welcome to six degrees of separation, who knows who, and the web that is created.

More like a real game or an imaginary friend.

 

[Jeff Albertson]

Sever douchery, I commiserate, I had a player that contested every point of damage he took, so dull, but the social dynamic of your situation seems a bit dysfunctional…"…scrape 'em off, Claire, wanna save somebody, save yourself…" Frank Cross/Bill Murray in Scrooged*

 

[S'mon]

So far putting up with him seems for the best.

Nope. You know fine well it's going to happen again, and you are going to subject the
decent people around you to more dysfunctional drama from you three. Well, please don't bother coming here asking for advice if you are never going to take the good advice you get.

 

[S'mon]

I agree with 77IM. Whatever you do, do not ignore it, and do not let him ignore it, ala George in the Seinfeld episode "The Revenge" and pretend like it never happened. Because if you do, it will only makes worse the next time something like this happens.

Sounds to me like Majoru already failed his WIS check.

 

[Celtavian]

I admit that patience is NOT my strong point. It's my major flaw. I have no patience for almost anything. I'm in IT and right now I work on a Service Desk. I spend all day long listening to people tell me "My computer doesn't work! I click on the button and nothing happens!" only to find out they mean that they are opening a program they need to use and are getting the error message "wrong username or password". I'm used to people having absolutely NO idea what they are doing and having to help them through it.

I've learned there are two types of people in the world: Those who attempt to find the answers to questions they don't know by logically consulting resources such as books and the internet and attempting to learn more about the subject and only when they hit a brick wall that cannot be passed do they ask for help. When these people ask for help, it is easy because they have at least a basic knowledge of the problem, use correct terminology and accurately describe the problem in a clear and detailed manner.

Then there are the people who don't care at all. They call us at the first sign of an issue without bothering to spend even a second thinking through the problem themselves. They don't want to learn anything...ever. These are the people who call us and say "It is asking me for my username and password, what do I do?" and when I suggest they put IN their username and password they say "Ok. That worked. Thanks for your help."

I have to deal with that second class of person so often that I don't want to choose to deal with them in real life. Which is why I tend to stop even attempting to deal with people if I think they are in that second category. It saves me so much time and stress. Which is why when I get stuck playing a game with them that it causes so many issues.

I don't mean to be too hard on you, Majoru. I honestly understand completely how you feel. There are people I've gamed with that are mutual friends with the group, but not necessarily my favorite people. You don't really want to quit gaming or hanging with the group, so you sort of put up with them as much as you can to enjoy your hobby and the company of others that you like. I've found as I get older, I have less tolerance for people I don't care for. I tend to remove myself from those situations rather than tolerate them. I don't fault a person for not doing so, because I didn't for many years. I'd just put up with the foibles of others to enjoy my game nights. We all work and toil at life, gaming is fun time, or at least should be. Some people's idea of fun is annoying to others, especially when you DM.

I imagine all you can do at the moment is let it blow over as much as possible, try to get back to having fun, and hope nothing else comes of it. That's what I usually did in my younger years. Not much you can do about people with personality traits you don't care for and pointing them out just leads to more conflict that isn't worth having. Life's too short to let someone get under your skin and ruin your fun. If you like gaming with most of your group, just ignore the guy's stupid behavior as much as possible and enjoy the other members and activity as much as you can.

 

[EzekielRaiden]

This is mostly good advice, but seriously, "wuss"?

Where I come from, calling someone a wuss would get you invited away from the table for a brief discussion on acceptable behavior.

The thread at large hasn't exactly been a place of warm fuzzies or avoiding being judgmental. Kudos to Jester for giving a heartfelt apology (or, at least, an apology that reads heartfelt to me) though.

 

[Umbran]

... and her willingness to break your confidence vis-a-vis the bf doesn't speak well of her.

That's one piece of this I don't have an issue with.

They're romantic partners! They shouldn't be keeping secrets from each other. It isn't like there's legal issues or professional ethics involved. You should have no expectation that your friendship trumps their relationship, or that she otherwise won't speak to him about things you say.