D&D 5E Dealing with a trouble player and a major blow up
Sorry for poking this bear, but I just spent four straight hours reading this thread from beginning to end, and you did say he was a moron. You said repeatedly to everyone you knew that he was stupid, and you hated having him at your table. Also, for what it is worth, I find it very hard to believe that you are an adult. I agree with your belief of truths, so I will say this flat out. You behave like a child. The fact that you can read through this thread and find no spots where you were antagonizing says something. I would say you have nearly as little social skills as the man in question. You started out fine, and all of your posts were intelligently written. Then later on it deteriorated. For instance, how is "I know you are only agreeing with him because you have to" not insulting? It directly tells her that she has no control over the relationship. If you were really fishing for an apology you should have said something like "Do you think he was unreasonable, or was I really that much of a dick?".
I apologize if this comes across as rude, but I really do not mean it in that way. I mean it as a way to help you grow as a person, without delicately skirting around the issue. Really it seemed as though nearly everyone in your group had one problem or another, from a four year old in a man's body to a DM with severe control issues.
Do you still work as a tech consultant? I imagine in that line of work you really only meet the two types of people you previously described. Unless it would cause problems maybe you could try finding a more social job, that does not consist solely of "I only want to talk to you if you can fix my problem." Having a better group, with more level headed people in it, may go a long way towards solving the problem.
Once again, I say this all only because I think it will help you. Just the opinion of a guy on the internet, but not less true because of that, IMO anyway. Also, reading back over this, some parts read as if I am actually saying you have mental problems. I do not mean those parts to be 100% literal, only to mean that you are not entirely in the right yourself.
GameOgre
Adventurer
I know I grow as a person each and every time I come on here and post some drivel and you guys point it out and how much of a arse hat I have been. Without such feedback enforced self realization I wouldn't be the kind caring man I am today.
I need to log for a bit and try and sell my granddaughters type O blood so that I can buy a carton of smokes, C yas!
No actual granddaughters were hurt during the making of this post.
I need to log for a bit and try and sell my granddaughters type O blood so that I can buy a carton of smokes, C yas!
No actual granddaughters were hurt during the making of this post.
This thread just reminds me why I have zero interest in running AL or open FLGS games for strangers.
I have so little patience for players that clearly aren't going to mesh with the group, or add a distinct value to the type of game I am going for. Such players should be asked to leave the game, or better yet, not invited at all. I'd much rather run a game for a small group or even a one-on-one than run it for a group that I didn't like.
On the one hand, I'm sympathetic to some of your bitching here, Majoru... This guy (and the vampire snowflake girl you recently mentioned) would not be pleasant for me to game with. But my sympathy dries up quick when I read how long you "put up" with this crap. Don't put up with things. If you don't like the situation, change it. Stop DMing AL if you can't control the group you're running for. Find a group of people who share your vision of what D&D should be and play awesome games with them.
It's just not worth it to engage in bad gaming. This whole thing is so depressing.
I have so little patience for players that clearly aren't going to mesh with the group, or add a distinct value to the type of game I am going for. Such players should be asked to leave the game, or better yet, not invited at all. I'd much rather run a game for a small group or even a one-on-one than run it for a group that I didn't like.
On the one hand, I'm sympathetic to some of your bitching here, Majoru... This guy (and the vampire snowflake girl you recently mentioned) would not be pleasant for me to game with. But my sympathy dries up quick when I read how long you "put up" with this crap. Don't put up with things. If you don't like the situation, change it. Stop DMing AL if you can't control the group you're running for. Find a group of people who share your vision of what D&D should be and play awesome games with them.
It's just not worth it to engage in bad gaming. This whole thing is so depressing.
Flexor the Mighty!
18/100 Strength!
I've had fun at con games but had just as many cringeworthy games. While they try my patience at times I'm glad to have had the same gaming group, for the most part, for 20+ years.
Majoru Oakheart
Adventurer
I know this is a thread necro and I don't want to start this conversation again but I figured with so many people giving me advice that I'd update you as to what happened.
Since we had the last conversation in this thread, I haven't talked to them at all. At the end of 2015, they invited us to New Year's Eve at their house but they did it by texting my girlfriend in the afternoon of December 31 and inviting her but saying it was ok if she brought be along. We had some other plans already so we declined. They haven't tried to invite us to anything since. We are still friends on Facebook, Steam, and some other places but they haven't replied to a single status message or post I made except one where I was complaining that I was finding it difficult getting people to commit to my games because of how busy they were and the woman showed up to laugh at me.
My AL games have been going well. We are basically at the same number of people as before. We lost 2 more people a short while ago when the two people in question moved their home game to Tuesdays and they were forced to choose my AL games or their home game. They left.
We have a bunch of new players, so that's good. I've been introducing new people to D&D. Most of them are fairly young and excitable. Which is good and bad.
I'm enjoying DMing much more than before. We haven't had any more public blow ups but one new player added me as a friend on Facebook after showing up for a couple of months. She didn't like something I said on Facebook and blew up on me online that was completely non-D&D related (I said I wasn't particularly concerned over whether or not Twi'leks in Star Wars always wore skimpy clothing or not since it wasn't that big of a deal), saying that she couldn't stand having a DM whose opinions were horrible. She used a much worse word though.
I did randomly run into the two people the original post was about at Olive Garden 2 days ago. They didn't say anything to me, I didn't say anything to them. It was her birthday dinner, I think. One of our mutual friends who was with them did text me, saying "Is that you at Olive Garden?" I said yes, but he never further responded or came over to my table to say hi. I haven't spoken to him in a long time, so I think he never heard about the fact that I wasn't friends with them anymore. I think they explained and he decided it was best not to get involved.
It is still awkward and I wanted to go over and say something to them, but I had no idea what to say. They never apologized to me and I still think I'm owed one before I could think about hanging out with them in a non-D&D capacity again.
Since we had the last conversation in this thread, I haven't talked to them at all. At the end of 2015, they invited us to New Year's Eve at their house but they did it by texting my girlfriend in the afternoon of December 31 and inviting her but saying it was ok if she brought be along. We had some other plans already so we declined. They haven't tried to invite us to anything since. We are still friends on Facebook, Steam, and some other places but they haven't replied to a single status message or post I made except one where I was complaining that I was finding it difficult getting people to commit to my games because of how busy they were and the woman showed up to laugh at me.
My AL games have been going well. We are basically at the same number of people as before. We lost 2 more people a short while ago when the two people in question moved their home game to Tuesdays and they were forced to choose my AL games or their home game. They left.
We have a bunch of new players, so that's good. I've been introducing new people to D&D. Most of them are fairly young and excitable. Which is good and bad.
I'm enjoying DMing much more than before. We haven't had any more public blow ups but one new player added me as a friend on Facebook after showing up for a couple of months. She didn't like something I said on Facebook and blew up on me online that was completely non-D&D related (I said I wasn't particularly concerned over whether or not Twi'leks in Star Wars always wore skimpy clothing or not since it wasn't that big of a deal), saying that she couldn't stand having a DM whose opinions were horrible. She used a much worse word though.
I did randomly run into the two people the original post was about at Olive Garden 2 days ago. They didn't say anything to me, I didn't say anything to them. It was her birthday dinner, I think. One of our mutual friends who was with them did text me, saying "Is that you at Olive Garden?" I said yes, but he never further responded or came over to my table to say hi. I haven't spoken to him in a long time, so I think he never heard about the fact that I wasn't friends with them anymore. I think they explained and he decided it was best not to get involved.
It is still awkward and I wanted to go over and say something to them, but I had no idea what to say. They never apologized to me and I still think I'm owed one before I could think about hanging out with them in a non-D&D capacity again.
Rabbitbait
Adventurer
This sounds like the best possible outcome. Moving on is good.
GameOgre
Adventurer
The Truth is that it worked out about the best way it could.
I just gave one of my long distance friends the same advice but he is in slightly less hospitable place. The only people who play rpg's in his area are lead by a abusive manchild (who it does seem can run a good game of D&D) who dislikes(hates even) my friend because of politics.
I told my friend it's better to walk away and game online than to try and deal with that.
In his and your cases both, it's better to not game at all (or just do it online) than to deal with the abuse and stress of trying to game with people so opposed to your playstyle or personalities.
My friend went on Roll20 and starts his first online game friday night.
I just gave one of my long distance friends the same advice but he is in slightly less hospitable place. The only people who play rpg's in his area are lead by a abusive manchild (who it does seem can run a good game of D&D) who dislikes(hates even) my friend because of politics.
I told my friend it's better to walk away and game online than to try and deal with that.
In his and your cases both, it's better to not game at all (or just do it online) than to deal with the abuse and stress of trying to game with people so opposed to your playstyle or personalities.
My friend went on Roll20 and starts his first online game friday night.
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