D&D 5E Dealing with a trouble player and a major blow up

[Sunseeker]

You can call me all the names in the book, and insult me all you want. And I'd probably leave. But I'd never leave my friends there to fend for themselves. Especially not my girlfriend, who I know you happen to have a crush on.

So this defense of this guy and his actions is just plain bizarre to me.

The fact that the girlfriend so defended Mr Temper Tantum after he dumped her there says a lot about her. Honestly I wonder if the issue isn't either guy, but the girl making an effort to stir stuff up.

 

[Nellisir]

But seriously - I know that I've read a hundred threads about problematic players/GMs if I've read a single one. Does it seem that our hobby has more than it's fair share of "difficult" folks to anyone else out there in forum-land?

People don't post looking for help with good players.

 

[Sacrosanct]

The fact that the girlfriend so defended Mr Temper Tantum after he dumped her there says a lot about her. Honestly I wonder if the issue isn't either guy, but the girl making an effort to stir stuff up.

Oh, I know. But regardless of her, or the OP? It is NEVER OK to abandon your friends and just leave them stranded. I can't even fathom it. At the very least he should have told them he's not going to put with it anymore and give them a choice to make alternative arrangements. You never leave a friend behind. Especially one you're dating.

On a related note, this article came out yesterday and I find it very fitting. And some good advice.

http://islaythedragon.com/featured/eliminating-fun-suckers-from-my-gaming-table/

 

[Fleder]

I have read all the messages from this, and (being a rookie on RPG as I am) I want to make my two cents on this:

Majoru: Get over him. Get over her. RPG are supposed to be fun. And you don't seem to have fun with both players on your party. If there's a economic side of this affair (regarding the place and some friends of them) let some other to deal with both of them.

 

[Uchawi]

And you will have to make a decision on what is more important. A real life friend or an imaginary game. Welcome to six degrees of separation, who knows who, and the web that is created.

 

[the Jester]

Does it seem that our hobby has more than it's fair share of "difficult" folks to anyone else out there in forum-land? I mean, I understand that as adults we're always going to find folks we'd rather not associate with but has the hobby become so small that we resign ourselves to playing with anyone we can find?

No, at least not for me. I've never had a hard time finding (or creating) players. I mean, I have always been willing to make friends with people, and I'm sure that helps; but I'm also more than willing to drop someone who isn't the kind of person I want in my life (or, in the case of dropping a player, at my table). Hell, we've recently kicked two players, one due to lack of interest/commitment and too many people wanting in the game who were willing to actually show up and play, and the other due to him stealing some stuff. I'm still swamped with nearly 20 players across two groups.

They key thing required to get a good group, IMHO, is a willingness to talk to people, try them out and reject them (nicely, of course) if they aren't a good fit. Too many groups are willing to settle for whoever they can find instead of actively working to find/build a good group. A good group doesn't usually just happen, you have to make it happen.

 

[the Jester]

And you will have to make a decision on what is more important. A real life friend or an imaginary game. Welcome to six degrees of separation, who knows who, and the web that is created.

Except from the sounds of things, Mr. Tantrum isn't a friend at all, and the gf isn't much of one, either. Just because you've gamed with someone doesn't mean you are obligated to hang out with them when you find them unpleasant.

 

[Dausuul]

And you will have to make a decision on what is more important. A real life friend or an imaginary game.

Holy Geek Social Fallacies, Batman. This is an absurd way to describe the situation.

"Friendship" is not carte blanche to act like a jerk. If I had a friend who behaved the way this guy did at the game table, I'd kick him out of the game. I'd be diplomatic about it, I'd do my best to smooth the ruffled feathers, but kicking the guy out would be my effort to preserve the friendship*. I don't hang out with jerks, so if this guy acts like a jerk at the gaming table, the only way I'm going to enjoy hanging out with him is if we're not at the gaming table. If that causes him to write me off and never speak to me again, that's his decision, not mine. He doesn't get to dictate the terms of our friendship simply by virtue of being willing to walk away from it.

Of course, we've seen nothing to indicate the guy actually is a friend of Majoru's. All available evidence is that Majoru doesn't like him, has never liked him, would be perfectly happy to never see him again, and is only prevented from reaching that happy state by the fact that they game together. (Nor is there anything wrong with this. Everybody has people they don't like.)

So what we're really talking about is Majoru's other friends, primarily the girlfriend. If Majoru kicks the jerk to the curb, these other friends may decide that Majoru isn't their friend any more. To which I reply: If they really would do that, then they are the ones putting an imaginary game ahead of a real-life friend, and they are crappy friends. Lose 'em and start looking for friends whose social skills have advanced beyond junior high school. On the other hand, it may turn out that they're better friends than Majoru is giving them credit for, and won't cut him off just because he shows a little spine. In that case, what's to lose?

[SIZE=-2]*Assuming I wanted to preserve the friendship. A guy who runs off and leaves his buddy and girlfriend stranded, over "an imaginary game," is going to need some pretty stellar qualities to justify keeping him around. But we'll say for the sake of argument that the guy is one of those people for whom D&D acts like a helm of opposite alignment.[/SIZE]

 

[Talmek]

People don't post looking for help with good players.

That's a true and valid point (perhaps we should brag more on our players - positive reinforcement and such ). However, it seems like there's a disproportionate number of unhappy folks in our little hobby.

 

[EzekielRaiden]

That's a true and valid point (perhaps we should brag more on our players - positive reinforcement and such ). However, it seems like there's a disproportionate number of unhappy folks in our little hobby.

Well, I dunno about you, but I almost feel embarrassed about the frequency at which I talk up my Dungeon World group. We may only be three players and a DM (who exactly fills that role depends on the particular campaign we're playing that week) but we have a blast. Of course, it helps that Dungeon World doesn't lean too heavily on player-caused healing (and my Paladin is an effective stand-in Cleric* for those times that we do run out of healing potions). I miss the crunch of a system like 4e, but the stories we've told, and the good synergy between us as players, is well worth it--plus, learning to appreciate the benefits of a simple system is probably good for my "gaming sensibilities" in the long run.

*We've been 'max level' for a while now, so with the combination of a Belt of Giant Strength (adds one to Str mod, up to a max of +3) and having pumped Cha and Wis, my character is a competent healer in addition to being an okay front-line combatant.