D&D 5E Dealing with distracted and distracting players in an all-teen game

[ArwensDaughter]

My daughter "infected" her friends with the D&D bug, and she DMs a group of them on a semi-regular basis. She's become frustrated lately, though with how hard it is to keep them focused and how much they self-distract. I offered to ask here for advice, and she readily agreed.

First, let me be clear that while these are teens, playing on their phones is NOT one of the issues.

The core group of players consists of two girls and three boys. I know for a fact that one of the girls has ADHD, although the fact that it's an official diagnosis means it is being addressed. I suspect that one of the boys, does, too, but I don't know if there's an official diagnosis. From my own observations, I will say that he runs roughshod over common conversational/interaction boundaries: he interrupts others (without seeming to recognize that this is a problem), gets hyper focused on side issue or unrelated issues and then tries to draw everyone into his focus. I've seen him insist that everyone watch and listen to a youtube video of a song he likes when the group is supposed to be setting up to play. They are all bright young people, and good "kids" (even the interrupter), who honestly seem interested in playing, but then keep self distracting.

The last time they were together, it took 2 hours do deal with two rooms in a dungeon. While they were in the first room, having dealt with the encounters there, one of the PCs (a 2nd level rogue played by the most committed of the boys) listened at a door and heard the sounds of drow voices on the other side. He opened the door and found 4 Drow guards. He had killed 2 drow and taken 8HP of damage before any of the other players even noticed what was going on, and then only one of the other players picked up on it. She sent her paladin in to help and the two of them dealt with the remaining Drow. Meanwhile, the other two boys--one of whom is my daughter's boyfriend, the other being the "interrupter"--got into a playful fight of some sort (the two are close friends) and the remaining girl (the one with ADHD, in whose home the game was happening) was trying to keep the two of them and the furniture from getting hurt. My daughter decided that only the rogue and the paladin got XP from that encounter, and because of it, they leveled up while the others didn't. A wise choice in my opinion.

She's cancelled this weekend's session due to a combination of her frustration and her need to get schoolwork done. She doesn't want to stop playing, but she doesn't want to continue to be so frustrated when playing.

I've suggested she talk with them about her frustrations, and I will suggest she hold a (belated) "session zero." But we'd both be interested in other ideas for dealing with the challenges she's facing.

 

[Harzel]

First, congratulations to your daughter for taking on the DM role!

Now one question - how much "teen" are we talking about? One might have a different approach to 13 year-olds than to 16. (I'm sure you already know that - just asking.)

 

[Blue]

A question about the "playful fight" - I'm not sure from your description if it was in-game or out-of-game. Were the players arguing about something, or were the characters goofing off each other.

The former is a definite distraction. the latter, while could be signs of not taking the game seriously could also be they've been exposed to this great idea and want to play around with that weird role-playing idea. Something like putting them in a tavern with a few events but no specific goals for a sesion might get everyone a chance to be their characters and let them have time to explore and play around with that new concept.

Thanks for mentioning phones aren't it - in one group we have too many problems with phones and laptops (that hold character sheets as well), and that's with people at least twice their age.

Another part of being easily distracted is that the DM needs to hook them in and entertain them. Storyteller as well as arbiter. It seems you've infected your daughter witht he "D&D bug", does that mean you have a group? Maybe letting her run a few sessions for long-time roleplayers will let her focus on developing her DMing skills in a less chaotic environment.

I don't know if this will be helpful. I've never had to deal with a whole group of new players. We'd usually have seeded a couple of experienced roleplayers to help set the tone and be a role (heh) model, but with the age difference that may not be a thing. Bit like sourdough bread.

 

[AaronOfBarbaria]

Talking about it and getting the whole group on the same page regarding amount of focus being spent on the game really is the best thing, so I'm glad you already suggested that.

Other tools I've picked up over the years to help with keeping a session fun despite distraction-prone players include:

Embrace distraction: Let everyone involved know that getting distracted is fine, because it's natural and it's going to happen at some point, and will in fact be tolerated, and even enjoyed - so long as each person involved is willing to say "Okay, back to the game" after a reasonable length of distraction.

Players sit, DM stands: Thanks to school usually involving a standing teacher and a class of sitting students, people are generally better conditioned to pay attention under similar circumstances because they've spent so many years doing it. Sometimes, I've even seen it have the side effect of the players raising their hand when they want to say something and haven't already been prompted to.

Incorporate food into the session: Assuming the food is on the healthier end of the spectrum and isn't itself causing a problem (like the classic cheeto dust-covered fingers messing up character sheets and books), creating the situation in which the players not doing something in-character will be occupying their hands and mouths with the act of eating a meal, could reduce the amount of distractions, resulting in the players being more aware of any in-game action that is currently taking place.

Dinner-and-gaming can slow the action down a bit, but I haven't found that to be as much of a problem as distractions usually can be.

 

[ArwensDaughter]

First, congratulations to your daughter for taking on the DM role!

Now one question - how much "teen" are we talking about? One might have a different approach to 13 year-olds than to 16. (I'm sure you already know that - just asking.)

older teen: most involved are seniors or juniors in high school.

 

[ArwensDaughter]

A question about the "playful fight" - I'm not sure from your description if it was in-game or out-of-game. Were the players arguing about something, or were the characters goofing off each other.

It was out of game horsing around.

Another part of being easily distracted is that the DM needs to hook them in and entertain them. Storyteller as well as arbiter. It seems you've infected your daughter witht he "D&D bug", does that mean you have a group? Maybe letting her run a few sessions for long-time roleplayers will let her focus on developing her DMing skills in a less chaotic environment.

I sort of have a group. I DM our family games--when our schedules allow--which isn't often. A couple of years ago our (younger teen) son asked for the 5e starter set, and that got us all started. (My husband and I played 1e separately in our teens, he more than I). So none of us are very experienced, otherwise that would be a great solution. She is VERY into the storytelling, pretty relaxed on the adjudicating, where as I tend to be the opposite.

 

[criticalfumble]

I run a game with my sons and four of their friends. It was already mentioned, but I try to embrace as much of the silliness as possible, provided it's generally to do with the game. It doesn't always make for the game I want, but it's the one they want, so that's cool.

I've also got one or two players I can rely on to help bring things back around to the story after these little detours.

Once or twice, I've cut a session early when it was clear they didn't want to / could not focus. I kept it friendly and non-judgemental - just said it was clear they wanted to do something else, and that's ok.

Not sure any of that helps with kids who've been diagnosed with ADHD, but I do face some challenges with distraction from time to time, so I thought I'd share.

Edit: meant to mention that cutting those sessions short (on rare occasion) seems to keep the subsequent sessions more focused. I think they really want to play, and sometimes they just don't realize how crazy they're getting.

Sent from my Pixel using Tapatalk

 

[fuindordm]

It's frustrating for the DM when she has a story to tell and the players don't seem to want to get around to it. I certainly lived that in high school, and I'm still living it now at 45 years old.

And yet... if all the players are having fun, the DM shouldn't be the wet blanket. It sounds like some of the players see D&D as a good excuse to hang out with their friends, and that's OK.

So my suggestion would be to ride the wave. If the players start horsing around or getting distracted, crack wise along with them. Any laughter or fun that comes out of the game is good. Then get back to the story when things calm down.

Other things that might help the players stay focused on "story time":
* maps and miniatures--imagining what's going on based solely on the DM's narrative takes concentration, and some players are better at it than others. Even for something as simple as listening at a door, placing their mini on the map can help players focus.
* make your rolls in the open. Everyone watches the bouncing die, especially if it's the DM's.
* ham it up. When an NPC is talking, it's OK to be melodramatic, bombastic, sarcastic... an over-the-top personality can catch their attention. NPCs aren't just there to deliver lore--they can confront and challenge the PCs with dialog.
* experiment! Every player has preferences. What parts of the game catch Mr. Distracted's attention best? Maybe do a little more of that.

Good luck!

 

[Shiroiken]

Some tips for your daughter (that may or may not help):
1) Isolate the game: this means no TV, music, phone usage, etc. in the room. If you have to make/take a call, you have to go to another room. Anything before/after the game outside of the room is cool (such as the YouTube video), but it can't be in the room. This helps keep the focus of the room on the game.

2) ADHD or not, kids generally prefer action over exploration or social interaction. Keep the NPCs to a minimum (giving quests, providing clues, selling/buying goods, etc.), so that when you do use an NPC, the players should know it's important. Hand-wave most exploration, except the exciting parts (such as traps, and doors with noise/light behind them). This keeps the game moving and helps keep focus, especially for those with ADHD.

3) Don't let players separate the party, except for very short periods of time. If someone scouts ahead and they find something, suggest they go back and get everyone else. Not only is this smart play (because it can otherwise get you killed), but it helps keep everyone involved (rather than just 1).

4) Tread carefully when talking with the players about her frustrations (such as a session 0). These are her friends, and they may have different motivations and enjoyment levels. Many adult groups have problems resolving personality issues without harming friendships, so a teenage group is probably going to be a minefield of emotions. She probably already knows this, but IME the most mature person in a younger group often winds up being the DM and can sometimes be surprised by a players lack of maturity.

Best of luck to your daughter! Nice to hear about the next generation of DMs

 

[JonnyP71]

A session 0 is vital, especially in a group such as this. You cannot ignore the presence of ADHD in one or more of the players, it will cause disruption among the group, unless the players who have it are kept fully engaged by the game. So most importantly, the DM must try to determine what type of game they want to play, and then ensure the non-ADHD sufferers are ok with that. This doesn't mean totally focussing on the characters of those with ADHD though, just that those players need to be doing what their brain wants them to be doing, otherwise their brains will go elsewhere - whether it be lots of dialogue, or lots of combat and dice rolling, or a rich story. Sometimes their brains will just zone out no matter what you do in the game. Try to ensure the game keeps moving, if it bogs down them you will lose them to their dreamworld.

Are there's nothing they can do about that. Medication will reduce the intensity of the symptoms, but probably not alleviate them completely.

People with ADHD do however tend to be quite talkative and sociable, plus often very very imaginative. When engaged with the game they are the ones who are more likely to give you those 'wow' moments. They will also give you times when you want to scream 'shut up and concentrate' at them, throw dice at them, or swear at them.

It's a tough job to be a DM in a group with differing play styles and gaming needs. Often it is better for the group with an ADHD sufferer if they are the DM! DMing keeps someone fully engaged and busy, and gets the rich imaginative juices flowing.

I have ADHD.