Delete Me

Joke: A CENSORED, a CENSORED and a CENSORED walk into the US Congress, and the CENSORED says to the CENSORED "Hey! Look at the CENSORED on that CENSORED!" The CENSORED responds "Quiet! Don't you know the NSA is listening in to everything we're saying?" The CENSORED then says to the others "Big CENSORED deal- my CENSORED CENSORED does that anyway, while CENSORED!" They look at him in amazement and ask "And Brett Fahvre too?"


(PS: That joke works equally well with Salvador Dali or Vlad Tepes.)

Pickup Line: "Hey- does that thing have a Hemi? Sweeet!" (I live in Texas)
 

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Dannyalcatraz said:
Pickup Line: "Hey- does that thing have a Hemi? Sweeet!" (I live in Texas)
Wow. Please tell me you haven't seriously heard that one used. I have a couple guy friends that are so terrible at picking up women that I could see something like that coming out of their mouths. I think if that were used on me, my first reaction would be shock and then after that wore off I wouldn't be able to laugh because I would feel so sorry for him....and then after he walked away because of my inability to speak, I would bust out laughing.
 

They talk about these cheesy lines on TV but I don't think I've heard any actually use one. Then again I don't go out very often so I might be missing it.


Hear about the woman who married three different Microsoft employees and still died a virgin?

Her first husband was in Training, and he kept teaching her how to do it herself.

The second one was in Sales, and he kept telling her how good it was going to be in the next release.

The third was in Tech Support, and he kept saying, "Don't worry, it'll be up any minute now..."
 

Pickup Line: "Hey- does that thing have a Hemi? Sweeet!" (I live in Texas)
Wow. Please tell me you haven't seriously heard that one used.

Nah- it just occured to me it could be used as a pickup line down here- cheesy though it is- since TX is the pickup center of the universe.

I have a couple guy friends that are so terrible at picking up women that I could see something like that coming out of their mouths.

I'm simply awful, but even I couldn't justify that one except in jest...as in at a table with other guys drinking and checking out women and coming up with all kinds of awful double-entendres that we would never use, but nevertheless find hilariously amusing.

Trust me- never ask a group of guys about the "Got milk?" ads, Hostess Cupcakes and the like.

On second thought, just don't talk to us at all- we're disgusting.

I think if that were used on me, my first reaction would be shock and then after that wore off I wouldn't be able to laugh because I would feel so sorry for him....and then after he walked away because of my inability to speak, I would bust out laughing.

Hey! That's just because you don't have a dualie with a mesh tailgate! I wouldn't be surprised if someone around here thought it was "cute."

Probably some rose with a thorn, looking for a cowboy singing a sad, sad song. :\
 


Aeson said:
They talk about these cheesy lines on TV but I don't think I've heard any actually use one. Then again I don't go out very often so I might be missing it.


Hear about the woman who married three different Microsoft employees and still died a virgin?

Her first husband was in Training, and he kept teaching her how to do it herself.

The second one was in Sales, and he kept telling her how good it was going to be in the next release.

The third was in Tech Support, and he kept saying, "Don't worry, it'll be up any minute now..."

LOL :p
 

Dannyalcatraz said:
Joke: A CENSORED, a CENSORED and a CENSORED walk into the US Congress, and the CENSORED says to the CENSORED "Hey! Look at the CENSORED on that CENSORED!" The CENSORED responds "Quiet! Don't you know the NSA is listening in to everything we're saying?" The CENSORED then says to the others "Big CENSORED deal- my CENSORED CENSORED does that anyway, while CENSORED!" They look at him in amazement and ask "And Brett Fahvre too?"


(PS: That joke works equally well with Salvador Dali or Vlad Tepes.)

Pickup Line: "Hey- does that thing have a Hemi? Sweeet!" (I live in Texas)

A locale radio station did that using political speeches. Very Funny
 

I'm simply awful, but even I couldn't justify that one except in jest...as in at a table with other guys drinking and checking out women and coming up with all kinds of awful double-entendres that we would never use, but nevertheless find hilariously amusing.

A sample of one such conversation a few years ago when one of us spotted a cutie...

"Hey...over there- Jiggly-puff!"
"Mmmm...Chicka-chew!"
"Squirtle."
 

Since Aeson posted a similar joke. Hopefully I won't get in trouble for this one.....

10 Husbands, Still a Virgin
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"
 

This one cracked me up

A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of bi#^&es who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bi#^&es who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."

The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."

Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."

As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bi#^&h in the kitchen."
 

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