Descriptive phrases and expressions...

[Jesus_marley]

While I was at work today, I had the misfortune of driving through an area of town that for some reason absolutely reeked of raw sewage. I just so happened to be speaking to a coworker on the phone at the same time, and in trying to describe the smell I told him that it "had more funk than George Clinton".

This of course set my friend to laughing hysterically, which started me wondering about other humorous phrases and descriptions that people use. Post your humorous phrase or description here. It doesn't have to be original, but they get bonus points if you made them up yourself.

 

[Scotley]

This one is going to get blocked by the filter, but it comes from the most recent Nelson DeMille book. The character was discribing why he was unhappy with his ex-wife. He said that
"She thought cooking and ing were cities in china."

It think it works better said aloud, but it cracked me up.

 

[kenobi65]

There are a few I use a lot, but I'll need to modify some of them a bit here for the sake of the censor, and Eric's grandma.

1) "Carp in a hat!" (Only, "carp" is an anagram. )

2) "JHC on a motorcycle!" ("JHC" would be the name of the deity, complete with his middle initial...and I always wondered what "H." stood for in that, anyway...)

3) "Bastidge! Farging icehole!" (From the cheesy 1980s gangster spoof, "Johnny Dangerously"; there was a mobster who swore like a sailor, but also butchered English.)

I have a friend who almost never actually swears. When he wants to, he uses either (a) geek swear words, or (b) mild expletives that your grandmother might have used. His favorites are "feldercarb" (from the original "Battlestar Galactica"; it was one of Starbuck's favorites), and "glorioski".

 

[MonkeyDragon]

When something really irritates me, I say that it boils my cabbage.

"Look, that person just parked in the handicap spot. That just boils my cabbage."

I don't even like cabbage.

 

[Aurora]

I have heard people say that things "chap their ass".

 

[kenobi65]

I have heard people say that things "chap their ass".

I hear that cabbage can chap one's ass.

 

[Jesus_marley]

I hear that cabbage can chap one's ass.

But only if it's boiled first.

 

[crystal]

ok here is one my hubby tells my daughter when she starts sayin she wishes she had this and she wishes she had that...She does this alot to tha point of anoyance. So he tells her to crap in one hand and wish in tha other and see wich one fills up faster. I know it sounds mean to say but her reply is priceless.... ewwwwwww yuck gross daddy I am not a monkey...

 

[Jesus_marley]

But if she was she could just crap in one hand and then throw it at him.

 

[Aurora]

Ever heard the one:
"It's colder than a witch's +i+ in a brass bra"
I have no idea where that came from or how it even makes sense, but my grandpa says it all the time.

And yes, if you aren't too "quick on the draw" + = t