D&D General Did I ruin my DND Game/Group

[Zanganorn]

So my dnd session just concluded a few minutes ago and I think I ruined it. So we haven't been able to play for a few weeks due to school and work stuff. so we all showed excited to play and it went well for the first few hours, but I have a friend who is childish most of the time saying random stuff and we regularly have arguments let's call him X, and we were arguing during the last few hours. So this came to ahead during the last hour when we were in combat, and he just starts bull shitting around DM: what are you doing. X: (bottle in mouth) I walk around the bottom floor and go to the bedrooms and set them on fire. DM: "you do what" X: "I set them on fire" DM: "alright" tells me and the other player smoke is rising from the floor. So this happens and when I and the other player are almost dead, he rushes up stairs and is going to attack with a improvised weapon. Then proceeds to spend around 5 minutes looking at his battle master maneuvers. And flipping through my book to find what they do. He and the other players with me down defeat it and find the mage, who kills himself and the other players is detained and me and X are arguing about earlier a the while he's got this big smirk on his face. So my character walks out and sees other player being marched toward the building. So my DM asks what do I do.
Until this point I have played a always helpful ranger, the other player and X are complete assholes, for x its both. And I say my character leaves saying both of them are assholes. And I had a few sessions earlier talked about how my motivation fits in to the group, saving my parents from a life of exile. Everyone else stares and my DM goes quiet. We then spend the 10 minutes just sitting there the dm quiet, he then starts mumbling about he's tired and this session was a disaster. The DM is mad about my character leaving so abrupt, even though we talked about it earlier. So other player says he doesn't care if we're playing as long as DM up for it. And x is just like it was good but I'm not that into dnd. And we should do other things, "The world is our oyster." And so our DM says he doesn't want to run if we're not into it. So we're taking another month hiatus.

 

[FitzTheRuke]

Hmm. First of all, this kind of thing is very common with new/casual/younger players/groups, so your problem is very normal. There's a LOT of things you can do about it. In my experience, the best thing to do is to talk to your DM, and X, individually and outside of the game. Tell your DM about how you feel regarding X's actions. See if it's bothering your DM too. See if they have any ideas.

Talking to X is a bit trickier. Keep it casual and try not to get upset or argue. Just explain that you'd like less at-the-table conflict in the game (games can be fun with in-story conflict, but they fall apart with at-the-table conflict). For the game to go on (to go on well, at least) you have to be closer to on the same page, on the same side, in telling a story that's fun for everyone.

You can do "anything" in D&D, but that doesn't mean that random chaos is a good idea for the game. It's just a game, and that means there are some rules. Not just for how it plays combat-wise and exploration-wise, but also for how the players and the DM interact with each other.

 

[Zanganorn]

I mean last night was just really bad and I don't know why. Like most nights theirs a little of that. But he just kept complaining about being tired. So I don't know if him being tired or what, but now were waiting another month to play, this is my third group, second group and this group is the same minus one person.

EDIT: also DM who Tolkien style world builder who has literal pages on advanced economic stuff in the world i think that contributed.

 

[Umbran]

Mod Note:
This is not the forum for this discussion. I'll move the thread to the appropriate place.

 

[FitzTheRuke]

So you have a very invested DM but X is a casual-minded player, and you fall in-between?

 

[Zanganorn]

yes, yes, and very invested in the game and dnd in general. joke about binder full of character sheets

 

[Zanganorn]

also X dm's more wacky one shots

 

[toucanbuzz]

Are you having fun with these people, or are you tolerating them so you have someone to enjoy playing D&D with?

If you're having fun and this was an aberrant argument, talk with the DM about what you're getting and not getting from the game. They might have some ideas about X.

If you're tolerating some of the players, don't. That's not a healthy social outing. And that's what D&D is, a social outing. Unless you're being forced to attend, you should be choosing to hang out with people who make you enjoy the game more and bring out the best in you.

 

[Zanganorn]

no there my friends but all of them are just like whatever next dnd game is next month, and it feels like im the only one who cares

 

[billd91]

Not all groups of friends are cut out for D&D. Find another group entirely, if you can?

 

[Zanganorn]

we there going to different colleges so ill have to find another group since x doesn't believe in dnd on discord

 

[jmucchiello]

I want to reiterate. You did not blow a D&D game. You discovered you did not really have a D&D game. Find a gaming group who wants to play D&D as much as you do.

Do other activities with your friends. D&D is not for everyone.

 

[Zanganorn]

Its that my dm and I have put a lot of time and resouces into it (books, minis, etc.), and other player has to, I think I need to resolve my o own problems with X

 

[Doc_Klueless]

It's that my dm and I have put a lot of time and resources into it (books, minis, etc.), and other player has, too

Just don't fall into the Sunk Cost Fallacy. The fact that these things have been expended should not be the driving reason to continue, in other words. I think all of us here have fallen into that before.

For example, I've only recently come to realize that the reason I've been jumping through hoops to play/run RPGs is because I have 40 years and thousands of $$$ tied up into it. So I was doing it because I had this large money and resources sunk cost. But I wasn't really enjoying myself as much as I used to and I was chasing a gamer's high that just wasn't going to happen again. Plus was still costing me a bunch of cash. Once I figured that out and decided to step back, it's felt like a huge weight has lifted and I'm energized to do other things.

Continuing a D&D Game should be because you want to play D&D, not because you've spent a lot of time and effort on D&D. If that makes sense.

However, from what I've read in this thread, it looks like you'd really like to play it. Sooo...

I think I need to resolve my o own problems with X

Probably. And not just because of the D&D game. X is a friend of yours. Friends should talk things out so that these things that irritate you don't grow and fester and ruin a friendship.

Just do it gently and with care.

 

[Oofta]

Honestly? It sounds like X did everything they could to sabotage the game. There's not really much you can do about that. It's hard when a group falls apart, especially when it's with friends but it happens.

If you enjoy the game, find a different group. Doesn't mean you can't still hang out with your friends, but maybe you should be playing Exploding Kittens instead or doing something else entirely. You can lead a horse to water, but D&D is about everybody getting together because they enjoy playing the game. X doesn't.

 

[aco175]

You could try and have a side quest with just you and the DM. If both of you are into playing more than the others, you can work out a few things just by playing together.

The group I play with today is not the same group from High School or the Army. Some players just wanted to hang out and some played just to role dice and kill things. They were not bad people, but D&D just was not their thing. I only had a few people in middle school and maybe HS that would sabotage the game with attacking other PCs and such.

 

[Nagol]

Actually, it sounds already ruined. You may have provided a finishing blow, but the battle for the soul of the group was already lost. You have at least one player who doesn't want to play and is acting out, at least one player who wants to be casual, a DM who wants a serious game, and yourself who I didn't get a read on.

If you want a serious game like the DM, talk to him about starting a different group and spend the times this group of friends gets together doing something else. Otherwise, just spend the times this group of friends gets together doing something else.

 

[jayoungr]

Suggestion: The new D&D Essentials Kit has some guidelines on playing one-on-one, i.e., one player and one DM. Maybe you and the DM could try that, if you want to keep playing in this world you've been working on?

 

[Zanganorn]

for clarifcation X like dnd, but not to extent that me and the dm do. Also thanks for all the help so far

 

[Oofta]

Suggestion: The new D&D Essentials Kit has some guidelines on playing one-on-one, i.e., one player and one DM. Maybe you and the DM could try that, if you want to keep playing in this world you've been working on?

I've actually played quite a bit of D&D 1-on-1 because for a while my wife and I were moving around a lot for a while. It can be quite fun, and it was a good learning experience for both of us.