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General Did I ruin my DND Game/Group

Eltab

Hero
OP:
You should talk to the DM and the other players. Perhaps X would be willing to DM a casual murderhobo game on alternate sessions but get serious (and not be group-saboteur) the weeks he is a player. There may be other options somebody has thought of, not just 'break up the group'.
 

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akr71

Adventurer
Talk to the DM outside of the game. If the table antics and half-assed play style annoy the DM as much as you then the two of you should just find new players who want to play your style of game. Find other activities to do with your friends.
 

Aebir-Toril

Creator of the Elfgrinder Mech
OP: Sometimes, the only solution is to not play D&D with X. You can still play other games with them, why not get in a few rounds of a hero shooter together, or play another, more competitive board game? I have friends who I like greatly, but would never want to play D&D with.

Summatim, there are Overwatch friends, and R6 Siege friends, and then there are D&D friends. Those can overlap, and they often do, but don't expect everyone to mesh well together.
 
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It's possible that you and X will never mesh well as players at the same game, but I wouldn't give up on him right away unless you're pretty sure that's the case. (You'd know better than we would).

I've known plenty of people that took some time to learn how to "play nice with others" (one of the most important skills to have as a tabletop gamer) but most of them grew into it eventually (or figured out that gaming just wasn't their thing).

The main thing everyone needs, (in the game, but also in the world in general), is clear, assertive communication. Talk to everyone involved as plainly and honestly as you can, and see what happens. It's sometimes a bit scary or difficult to do, but it's always for the best.
 

jmucchiello

Adventurer
It sounds like X doesn't want to play D&D at all. Forcing him to do so, gets this result. There's no reason to believe it will get any better, even if he says he'll play nice, he's probably not having fun.
 

oriaxx77

Explorer
Your expectations are totally different. It is your way or the highway. Find people who are equally committed.
 

jasper

Rotten DM
Never play with goobers. If talking with all involved does not help, find a new group. Do this early. I would stress myself out by playing with goober because I wanted to play d&d. Remember no gaming is better than bad gaming. I came up with that around 2002.
 


Unwise

Adventurer
When I play Fallout or Skyrim or something like that, one of the first things I do is save the game then go around murdering everybody in town, just to see if I can. When I get bored questing, I do a quick save then just plant bombs around the world and watch it burn. I suspect that people who are pretty new to TTRPG do the same thing. It seems like everybody who is told "you can do anything" treats the world like Grand Theft Auto. In PC games that has no consequences on anybody else's fun and the "GM" will somehow find a way to get the story back on track, you generally cannot fully break the game.

Sometimes people just need the differences with TTRPGs called out and explained to them.
 


Zanganorn

Villager
i saw that video when it came out and the Matt coville slog video, i just don't know with X, i have trouble reading him. But i think X is there for the social aspect to take a guess. Now its been nearly a month and I've been trying the best way to talk to my DM about it, hes got a lot on his plate right now and finding time to talk to him, and im kind of scared to.
 

jmucchiello

Adventurer
Your enjoyment is important. Make him make time if this is bothering you sufficiently. The person is your friend, aren't they? Or not?
 


jmucchiello

Adventurer
But, at this moment, you do just want to talk about D&D. Friends aren't judgmental. Or, more accurately, Friends, judgmental or not, will still be your friends afterward.
 

Aebir-Toril

Creator of the Elfgrinder Mech
But, at this moment, you do just want to talk about D&D. Friends aren't judgmental. Or, more accurately, Friends, judgmental or not, will still be your friends afterward.
And, if they're not, they were never a good friend in the first place.
 

jmucchiello

Adventurer
Exactly, I understand you don't want to lose friends. But are you losing a friend if they don't want to talk about something you do together?
 


Eltab

Hero
I just talked to him he wants to talk but our game wont start back up till the end of march
That gives you two-plus months to lay out your concerns and get an answer back. No time pressure. Talk (or email or whatever) with the DM and give him a week or two to digest the conversation. Give him a link to this thread, if you think it will help.
 


This can be fixed.

Sorry for length, but I actually disagree that some people aren't made for D&D. Any group of friends can play D&D, but you do need to customize it so it works.

You need to find out what X likes about playing D&D. Some players just enjoy being chaotic and "everything goes". If you push them into the railroad of an existing storyline where everybody must be a serious-minded Indiana Jones who enjoys solving complex puzzles and making strategic decisions, then it just won't work. But this is D&D, and the DM and the players must work together.

I myself DM some chaotic players (yes, the players are chaotic, and they obviously play chaotic characters). I run a big sandbox game, and players can summon weird monsters at the most inconvenient places. I never prepare much storyline because you cannot herd cats. It's a lot of improvisation for me as DM, so I work on the world in which we play (locations, NPCs and big developments in the world that change it) but I don't work on storylines for the main characters. The players decide on that themselves most of the time.
We did however agree (as players and DM) that the characters would accept whatever consequences followed their random behavior. Their often hilarious decisions have shaped the story in ways that I would never have imagined.

It's important to first agree what kind of campaign you will play. Also, you must agree what kind of team you will form. But chaotic play is definitely possible. You can play the Suicide Squad (all chaotic), you can play the A-team (one chaotic player (Murdoch) with three less chaotic characters) or you can play something else. But it's important that all players accept the gameplay of the others.

Session zero
To me, it sounds like you should stop whatever campaign you currently play and have a real session zero. That means all people (players and DM) must be willing to change their plans. Better yet, you shouldn't have any detailed plans yet. Just explain some basic ideas at the table:

Example:
Player A: I want to play a gritty fighter, serious and dark, possibly a bit roguish too (multiclassing later?)
Player B: I want to play a calm druid, wise and knowledgeable.
Player X: I want to play a wacky clown. If it must be PHB, then it's probably a bard. I carry two pots that I beat with a pink stick for music.
DM: I may want to play Stradh.

Then you discuss why on earth a fighter a druid and a clown would want to hang out together and trust each other with their lives? If the fighter or the druid realize (in character) that they would not want to hang out with a clown, then how can you change it so that they would? Likewise, why would this clown hang out with these serious other characters? Is there a more serious undertone hidden? If you can work this out, then great. If not, maybe someone wants to change? Can you find another gritty character or a wise nature lover that would hang out near the asylum?
And the DM must check if the chosen adventure fits this party. Will they accept a railroad campaign, or do they need freedom to chase random (side-)quests? Maybe a clown and a druid don't fit in a campaign that's exclusively in the Underdark? Is there a plan B for the campaign setting?

Session zero may last hours, and may remain inconclusive after 1 day. I also recommend to play a real short mini-quest once you think you have chosen the setting and characters. Just hunt down some monster in a 1-2 hour session and see how everybody interacts... and then sit down out-of-character one more time to check how that went.

Don't give up just because one of your players doesn't fit into the current campaign.
 

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