Dilemna: Should I Quit RPGs?

[Kaodi]

My life is going nowhere fast. I have a massive problem with procrastination and avoidance which has ruined my education most recently. Back in March I tried to solve my problems by quitting playing video games, my most beloved hobby (if you go by the hours I spent on it over the last twenty years), and I am doing my best not to go back. Ever.

Unfortunately, quitting video games did not help me stop avoiding doing work, though it did free up a lot of time for other things. Now I wonder if I should give up RPGs as well. I spend far too much time fiddling with 3e and Pathfinder stuff with an abysmal amount of time spent playing RL games. Something like eighteen years of RPGs and no more than three of playing. The thing is... so much of it is just a kind of escapism, and I have already spent my lifetime quota of escaping at all of twenty-seven years old. D&D has undoubtedly helped my handwriting, and I have made a number of friends over the years through it, but I do not really think I have been getting from it what everyone else has.

In fact, I would say the number one thing, maybe the only thing, preventing me from giving up on RPGs is that I value being a member of this community; the EN World community. I have been around since the days of Eric Noah's 3rd Edition News, and as anyone can see I re-registered in the aftermath of the Great Crash, back in January 2002. I do not want to quit the community, though there is not a heck of a lot to follow here other than the rather sparse Media and Technology forum.

A lot of fantasy and science fiction is going to get thrown on the fire as well. No more D&D novels other than maybe Weis & Hickman, perhaps Baker. Continue reading The Wheel of Time, the Chronicles of Ice & Fire, Feist's Midkemia. The classics like Tolkien and Lewis will of course still be permitted. But that will be the criteria. Classic, or quality.

A professor of mine actually lamented in class once that people have forgotten how to enjoy leisure. I think I will write him soon to discuss this point in more depth. For myself though I am not sure I can afford this any longer. Fiction is not the enemy, but if it does not teach you something, or set your imagination on fire, then what is the point? No more time sinks or I am sunk.

So I am left with having to consider quitting. Not because I think D&D is a waste of time in itself; I do not think social games are necessarily a waste. But rather because it increasingly seems to be a waste of time for me. Is it possibly to give up and still belong here?

 

[GSHamster]

Very few decisions are permanent. Take a vacation from RPGs for a few months or so. You can always come back.

However, I'm not sure that simply giving up everything in your life, leaving only the stuff you have to do will work. You might want to seek professional help. A good counselor could help a lot.

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

I'm a fellow procrastinator. I'm here on ENWorld when I should be writing a paper I'm presenting in 16 hours.

Anywhooo...

No. You don't need to QUIT gaming. But you may need to take a vacation from it for a while. You may want to talk to a counselor you trust- a priest, a mentor, a relative- about finding balance in your life.

Because the truth is, the human mind needs leisure. But you also can't be so into leisure that you accomplish nothing. If your procrastination (regardless or type) is causing negative repercussions in your life, and you don't stop procrastinating, you're exhibiting behavior found in addicts.

(This is not to say you're addicted, just that you are acting in a particular fashion common to them.)

 

[Kzach]

Definitely quit RPGs.

Also, posting to forums.

 

[Pentius]

It seems to me that if you have a problem with procrastination and avoidance, and RPGs are a means you use to that end, then you need to address the problem of procrastination and avoidance. If you just cut out the means, you may well end up finding another means.

 

[Mark CMG]

Is it possibly to give up and still belong here?

I hope it is so we keep getting inspiring topics like this though I think "giving up" everything might be unneceesary. You're cutting back in other areas, which should free up some time. Why not try and fill that time with pursuits you deem on the right track and see how that goes before throwing the baby out with the bathwater?

 

[Dannager]

Speaking as someone who has been there, you will not solve your problems with procrastination and avoidance by quitting RPGs. Or any hobby, for that matter. All you will accomplish is making things tougher on yourself. Go talk to a professional and see if it's a problem that can be resolved.

 

[S'mon]

It's not the stuff you're doing that's the problem, it's the stuff you're avoiding. Drop all RPGs and fantasy books, you will simply go to new avoidance mechanisms. When I was an undergrad I didn't play RPGs at all, and there was no Internet - but I spent hours every day reading the newspapers!

You need to train yourself to work - I recommend short controlled bursts, maybe just an hour at a time, or even less to start with. Whatever feels manageable:

"I'll work for an hour, then..."

After you've worked for an hour, take your break, and plan another short work period. Work quickly and effectively in these brief periods. You'll find you can get a lot done in a short time. You can look to extending them later, but don't worry about that right now. If you've been doing 0 hours of work in a day, then getting that up to 2 hours will make a big difference. AIR studies show the average US undergrad works around 12 hours/week BTW, down from around 20 hours 30 years ago. It doesn't take much to exceed that.

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

Finished my paper.

See, even though I procrastinated, I also know how to get things done. I've found a balance in my method.

Not that I'm perfect, no. Sometimes, my procrastination really does get me in deep trouble. But not like it used to.

And yes, echoing & repeating: merely quitting what you procrastinate with will solve nothing- you WILL find other ways to waste time. AND you'll be even more miserable as you repeatedly excise from your life those things you find most enjoyable because you use them to procrastinate.

 

[Aberzanzorax]

Pentius and Dannyalcatraz have it right.


I was going for my doctorate in clinical psychology. I, too, have a problem with procrastination. In the end I quit grad school with just my masters degree (because we have a young son and my wife is a doctor so my flexible schedule is very valuable to our family). I had finished all 3 years of school, done 2 practicums (like 1/2 time, but year long internships) and done about half of my dissertation.

But, I'll be honest, procrastination on the dissertation was also a huge factor in quitting.

Thing is, I was away from my friends, and couldn't game during that period. So I came onto message boards and bought lots of D&D rules books that I read. Then I realized that was procrastinating...so I limited the time I did that. So then I put on the radio while I was working (and spent more time listening than working). Ok. No radio. So then I started noticing all those chores around the house that needed to be done.

I HATE vacuuming. But there I was, vacuuming instead of doing my disertation. I actually think that if I was SUPPOSED to vacuum I might have flipped it and done my dissertation to procrastinate from vaccuming!



The point of that story is that procrastination is the issue. Gaming is not the issue.

The other point is that I know a little bit about it from a clinical sense, and there ARE means to improve your style to not procrastinate. If you're in college, most colleges have counselors/therapists that can help with this issue (often free for students, btw). It IS an issue if it's ruining your life. You should go and see someone. At worst they don't help you and you've wasted an hour. At best they help you figure out a solution to the problem (and probably a less painful solution than no more fun outlets for you, as you seem to be attempting).

These are two fairly good sites that provide some information.
Treatment and Self-Help for Procrastination

Crazy for Procrastinating? Maybe | Psychology Today


Good luck to ya!