Dilemna: Should I Quit RPGs?

[Doug McCrae]

I'm a procrastinator. At 40 years of age it still gives me major problems in my life. I'm procrastinating right now.

Here's some techniques I've found somewhat useful:

1. Give yourself guaranteed leisure time. For example, decide you will stop work at 11am to do something you enjoy (such as play a videogame for 30 mins), whether you have worked well from 9am to 11am or not.

2. Set yourself very specific, timed tasks. Instead of saying, "I must do more studying" set yourself a task that can be completed such as "Read chapter 12. 10am-10.45am.", or "Write 500 words of my dissertation. 11am-11.30am". The smaller the task, the better, up to a point. It needs to be small enough to no longer be daunting for you, hence causing the procrastination to kick in.

3. Keep a fairly small to do list, again to avoid it being daunting. Score tasks off when you complete them. Reward yourself in some way for completing a task.

4. Split big, procrastination-inducing tasks into small, doable ones.

5. Plan your time.

6. I find fixed deadlines, which one often encounters as a student, to be helpful, but this doesn't seem to be working for you.

7. Start. Just get started, simple as. Once you're working on something, it doesn't seem as bad, and basic inertia keeps you going.

 

[His Dudeness]

Grow some balls and get your together. At the end of the road, the only people that really care about you, is well, you.

Asking for sympathy on a game forum is pointless.

I used to be on the same boat as you, but a lot earlier in life. I was about 21, smoked two packs a day, had a drinking problem and was a fat slob. Always delaying stuff, later, I'll do it tomorrow, I've gotta investigate first. All that is .

First get done, and after that think about elves and dwarves.

It is really easy to stop procastinating, just do the things you have to do.

 

[Dire Bare]

Grow some balls and get your together. At the end of the road, the only people that really care about you, is well, you.

Asking for sympathy on a game forum is pointless.

I used to be on the same boat as you, but a lot earlier in life. I was about 21, smoked two packs a day, had a drinking problem and was a fat slob. Always delaying stuff, later, I'll do it tomorrow, I've gotta investigate first. All that is .

First get done, and after that think about elves and dwarves.

It is really easy to stop procastinating, just do the things you have to do.

Really? Yeah, don't listen to anybody who talks to you like this.

 

[Relique du Madde]

Really? Yeah, don't listen to anybody who talks to you like this.

He reminds me of this guy...

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ow0lr63y4Mw[/ame]

 

[invokethehojo]

Kaodi, It sounds like you are at where I was a few years ago. I have a thing called "lower latent inhibitions", which is a fancy term for I have a hard time not focusing on the little details of everything and getting lost in them. Like you I enjoyed being part of the gaming community but didn't play much and felt like I could be spending that time much more constructively, especially since I was so lazy about my everyday life. I too thought about quitting gaming, except it was the only hobby I had that I was actually passionate about. I felt stifled at my day job (middle management) and I was coping with a chronic health condition that had developed a few years prior.

I can only tell you what worked for me. I decided that if I wanted to stay with this hobby that I needed to turn it into something constructive so I didn't feel that I was "wasting" my time. I decided to write my own RPG and sell it online. I was already spending a good deal of my time working on tweaking the rules of various RPG's only to not end up playing them very much, so why not put that time towards good use. Even if I never made any money at it the process would be valuable work experience.

It turned out to be one of the best things I have ever done. After working on my game for 6 months I debuted my game to my friends and they enjoyed it. The next year I went to gencon and ran some demos and got a lot of great feedback. These experiences gave me the confidence to realize that my ideas and creativity were valuable. Because of this I started to try more innovative ideas at my day job and after 6 months I was promoted to plant manager.

It turns out I didn't need to leave my hobby behind, and I didn't need to beat myself up about being "lazy" in my life, I just needed to find something to devote myself to that I cared about and that I was passionate about and that in turn gave me the energy to get my proverbial s**t together in the rest of my life.

I'm not sure if my experience can be of any help to you. To me it sounds like your dilemma about quitting gaming might be a symptom of a larger life issue. Don't feel weak if it takes seeing a therapist to figure out how to address this issue. And if I have made too many assumptions here then I apologize.

 

[SHARK]

My life is going nowhere fast. I have a massive problem with procrastination and avoidance which has ruined my education most recently. Back in March I tried to solve my problems by quitting playing video games, my most beloved hobby (if you go by the hours I spent on it over the last twenty years), and I am doing my best not to go back. Ever.

Unfortunately, quitting video games did not help me stop avoiding doing work, though it did free up a lot of time for other things. Now I wonder if I should give up RPGs as well. I spend far too much time fiddling with 3e and Pathfinder stuff with an abysmal amount of time spent playing RL games. Something like eighteen years of RPGs and no more than three of playing. The thing is... so much of it is just a kind of escapism, and I have already spent my lifetime quota of escaping at all of twenty-seven years old. D&D has undoubtedly helped my handwriting, and I have made a number of friends over the years through it, but I do not really think I have been getting from it what everyone else has.

In fact, I would say the number one thing, maybe the only thing, preventing me from giving up on RPGs is that I value being a member of this community; the EN World community. I have been around since the days of Eric Noah's 3rd Edition News, and as anyone can see I re-registered in the aftermath of the Great Crash, back in January 2002. I do not want to quit the community, though there is not a heck of a lot to follow here other than the rather sparse Media and Technology forum.

A lot of fantasy and science fiction is going to get thrown on the fire as well. No more D&D novels other than maybe Weis & Hickman, perhaps Baker. Continue reading The Wheel of Time, the Chronicles of Ice & Fire, Feist's Midkemia. The classics like Tolkien and Lewis will of course still be permitted. But that will be the criteria. Classic, or quality.

A professor of mine actually lamented in class once that people have forgotten how to enjoy leisure. I think I will write him soon to discuss this point in more depth. For myself though I am not sure I can afford this any longer. Fiction is not the enemy, but if it does not teach you something, or set your imagination on fire, then what is the point? No more time sinks or I am sunk.

So I am left with having to consider quitting. Not because I think D&D is a waste of time in itself; I do not think social games are necessarily a waste. But rather because it increasingly seems to be a waste of time for me. Is it possibly to give up and still belong here?

Greetings!

Kaodi, I believe some distinct ations will be of benefit to you.

(1) Focus your mind and attention on your job. (You didn't mention what kind of work you do, but in whatever capacity, consider the following)--spend some time focusing on your job while at work. Spend some time out of work thinking about how you can contribute more, do more, or otherwise perform better as an employee. Consider reading up on some professional manuals, magazines, and articles that help improve your attitude, work performance, or just work-knowledge in general.

(2) Make a point of spending an hour or so a day reading the newspaper, online news-magazines, etc. Your mind improves when you stimulate it with a variety of topics, and, in addition, being knowledgeable about the issues of the day provides you with some *informed* basis on which to engage in friendly, thoughtful discussions with others--whether they are co-workers, friends, relatives, or new people you meet, either in-person or online.

(3) Make it a habit of going to the gym everyday, or at least several times a week. Keeping your body fit and physically active provides lots and lots of different benefits, physically, mentally, and emotionally. In addition, making improvements physically will increase your confidence in yourself in thorough, sweeping ways that has secondary effects in every other aspect of your life as well.

(4) Set aside some time every week to watch at least one good movie you enjoy. Allow for an additional movie or two that is new, that you haven't seen before.

(5) Maintain a regular reading schedule every week. Pick a book or two a week, and read them. Expand your deeper knowledge of history, politics, theology, philosophy, fantasy, science-fiction, and so on. I would suggest selecting one fantasy/sci-fi book per week--for some light reading--and one non-fiction book to expnd your real-world knowledge.

(6) Look over your diet, and make some changes and improvements there. No need to go crazy, but try and include some regularly healthy-supplements. More fresh fruit, more lean meat, some vitamins, and stretch your culinary palette if you can afford to do so, by trying some new cultural cuisine every week or so.

(7) No mention of the love-life, my man. Make some effort to improve that, or develop a new love-life. This obviously can have huge influence on how you feel about your life on a daily basis. Having a good relationship with someone you love is great on so many levels. Go for it. Get out there, socialize, and so on.

(8) Ok, I haven't mentioned *gaming* yet at all. If you follow the above points that I suggest, you should be well on your way to developing an interesting, fulfilling, dynamic life that keeps you focused with plenty to do, and a number of interesting things going on on a daily to weekly basis.

Do these things, and you will be able to then keep a certain balanced *perspective* on gaming. You can then develop a new group to play with, either in person, or on many online opportunities.

Much of my suggestions will help you develop a "richer" life, which in turn informs and re-invigorates your leisure time, or time spent *gaming*. Gaming is not a waste of time, but a source of relaxation, fun, and enjoyment, as well as a creative outlet that cycles back into other aspects of your life, providing new meaning, insights, and enjoyment.

You have my best wishes for you, Kaordi.

Semper Fidelis,

SHARK

 

[nedjer]

You mention a 'what you really want to do' as politics. Bet there's a few more what you want to dos out there - but as an example there's nothing ruling you out of politics as a whole. The presidency might be a long way off, but campaigns need organised on many levels, political blogs need comment, people make money designing infographics on politics . . . could go on and on . . .

invokethehojo found his gig and clearly hasn't looked back, so forget Mr stick your nuts in a Fison's growbag and maybe do something that demands your attention

 

[Stalker0]

I can say that I went through a period much like what the OP has been saying.

The truth is this: Real life needs to be more important than game life. Gaming is meant to be a hobby, a leisure, not a replacement for living.

Some people can keep gaming on its proper shelf, and can find a good balance between it and other activities. But for others this is much more difficult.

I know there was a time in my life where gaming (particularly video gaming) was dominating, and destroying, my life. I was so invested in it that I was completely ignoring everything else.

It took me breaking game cds to find my way out. I had to completely focus on RL for a while.

Nowadays its no longer a problem for me. RL is going well, and I can play games just as they were meant to be played. But make no mistake, I do feel that if I had not taken a radical approach that I might not be in such a good boat today.

So to the OP, it sounds like you have come to grips with your problem, and there's no shame in making a few radical changes to deal with it. So I say quit gaming, quit forums, focus on the RL for as long as you need to. Maybe one day you will be able to come back, but one way or another it sounds like the right decision.