D&D General Disaster Patrons and Their Longsuffering Warlocks

[doctorbadwolf]

Okay, I know some of y’all are all about the ominous, scary, possibly malicious and insidious, Warlock Patrons.

But what if….the Patron is just kinda a disaster?

Like, the warlock is woken in the middle of the night by a cat curling up against them, and sighs. “Aroth Brindisceil Aerendiel, Lord of The Forest of Tears, First Daughter of The Lady of Silent Waters, High Baen Sidhe, Princess of Twilight, please tell me you didn’t get kicked out of the entire Feywild again…”

Imagine the Warlock talking about their patron like you would a dear friend that can’t get their crap together but you love them anyway.

A patron that gets bored and joins the party for a few weeks, only to remember just as you head into the dungeon that she left the fantasy oven on at home and she just disappears.

Am I the only one that wants this?

 

[Scribe]

Okay, I know some of y’all are all about the ominous, scary, possibly malicious and insidious, Warlock Patrons.

But what if….the Patron is just kinda a disaster?

Like, the warlock is woken in the middle of the night by a cat curling up against them, and sighs. “Aroth Brindisceil Aerendiel, Lord of The Forest of Tears, First Daughter of The Lady of Silent Waters, High Baen Sidhe, Princess of Twilight, please tell me you didn’t get kicked out of the entire Feywild again…”

Imagine the Warlock talking about their patron like you would a dear friend that can’t get their crap together but you love them anyway.

A patron that gets bored and joins the party for a few weeks, only to remember just as you head into the dungeon that she left the fantasy oven on at home and she just disappears.

Am I the only one that wants this?

I can see it, a bit of a Constantine vibe. I typically like to think of Patrons as someone who's got their act together and has schemes, and power to throw around, less that unreliable member of the family we put up with for reasons...but sure, why not.

 

[doctorbadwolf]

I can see it, a bit of a Constantine vibe. I typically like to think of Patrons as someone who's got their act together and has schemes, and power to throw around, less that unreliable member of the family we put up with for reasons...but sure, why not.

I mean, considering some of the types of beings we are working with here…lol

Especially considering how disaster coded some of the gods in some D&D settings are, how dysfunctional must the devils and archfey be??

But also imagine a disaster angel. Just like full himbo disaster bisexual archetype. I would die of glee GMing that.

 

[Scribe]

I mean, considering some of the types of beings we are working with here…lol

Especially considering how disaster coded some of the gods in some D&D settings are, how dysfunctional must the devils and archfey be??

But also imagine a disaster angel. Just like full himbo disaster bisexual archetype. I would die of glee GMing that.

That's actually how I feel Wizards should do the God's and Powers. Kind of like in the later Thor movies. Over the top, dysfunctional, petty.

 

[humble minion]

I hate this post, because I finished writing the background of my new warlock pc and sent it to my DM literally yesterday and now it’s too late to go back and incorporate this idea. Though the mind boggles thinking about what a disaster dao patron would look like. Stubborn autistic-coded grump who takes everything too seriously and alienates people by being ‘brutally honest’ all the time? Kinda like Perturabo from Warhammer.

This is a BRILLIANT idea.

 

[doctorbadwolf]

That's actually how I feel Wizards should do the God's and Powers. Kind of like in the later Thor movies. Over the top, dysfunctional, petty.

I could see that for sure. Theros is kinda like that but in a more serious way. I’d love to see a more….not farcical but just fun take.

I hate this post, because I finished writing the background of my new warlock pc and sent it to my DM literally yesterday and now it’s too late to go back and incorporate this idea. Though the mind boggles thinking about what a disaster dao patron would look like. Stubborn autistic-coded grump who takes everything too seriously and alienates people by being ‘brutally honest’ all the time? Kinda like Perturabo from Warhammer.

This is a BRILLIANT idea.

Oh my god that sounds amazing!
You should definitely talk to your GM about flavoring the patron a little more that way, but let them run with it.

 

[Simon The Hunter]

I am currently developing a warlock toon, and this kind of patron could be a lot of fun, even just to backstory! I always like that beings of power have issues, not necessarily end of the world issues, just weird crap that makes the warlock go, "Well, that sounds like what happened to me when I got kicked out of druidic school for not being 'natural' enough!" hehehe

I know she wasn't a warlock, but Jester in CR2 had The Traveller as her cleric patron, and he occasionally had to deal with stuff

 

[EzekielRaiden]

Okay, I know some of y’all are all about the ominous, scary, possibly malicious and insidious, Warlock Patrons.

But what if….the Patron is just kinda a disaster?

Like, the warlock is woken in the middle of the night by a cat curling up against them, and sighs. “Aroth Brindisceil Aerendiel, Lord of The Forest of Tears, First Daughter of The Lady of Silent Waters, High Baen Sidhe, Princess of Twilight, please tell me you didn’t get kicked out of the entire Feywild again…”

Imagine the Warlock talking about their patron like you would a dear friend that can’t get their crap together but you love them anyway.

A patron that gets bored and joins the party for a few weeks, only to remember just as you head into the dungeon that she left the fantasy oven on at home and she just disappears.

Am I the only one that wants this?

Sounds great to me.

 

[DEFCON 1]

I am a fan of any interesting story-related class interactions that aren't just taking Warlock levels merely for their mechanical benefits.

 

[JamesLFlowers]

I had Dispater, Archdevil and Lord of Dis as a patron for my Illrigger. Let's just say he has problems. Lots of them. Paranoid to the point of sheer insanity. You get woke up in the middle of the night with "Such and Such is scheming against me, infiltrate their cult and stop them" when such and such doesn't even have a cult. And no, being sent to figure out if the Dark Powers of Shadowfell are scheming to take over the 9 Hells is not fun! Yes, my DM has a nasty sense of humor and loves using my Illrigger as an adventure hook. He shows up after a fight with his girlfriend, who is also Asmodeus daughter and Mammon's wife, and wants to go out drinking. Ever tried to keep up with an Archdevil drinking? One minute he is a tyrant the next he is a massive suck up! Hey, dude, Asmodeus needs something handled in Waterdeep, so your his bitch til its done and this way he will owe me a favor kind of nonsense.