DMs: Do you have performance anxiety?

[buzz]

I don't remember having serious anxiety as a teen, but that was when I played exclusively with long-time friends, and none of us knew the rules (so there was really nothing to get "wrong").

Now, however, I play with groups I met via the 'Net, and I'm much more of a stickler for knowing a game inside and out. Consequently, forget GM anxiety; I get *player* anxiety. It took me a while to feel comfortable with the other people and with the game system. I'm pretty eager to run something again --other than a one-off 3e game and some nostalgic 1e romps, I haven't GM'ed since 1989-- but I get paranoid that I don't know the rules well enough, or that the groups won't like my style, or that I'm fast enough on my feet to challenge the players, or that I'm forcing them to try a game they won't like ("C'mon guys. d20 Modern is really, really cool."), and so on.

Not to mention, I always seem unable to focus on a task at hand. E.g., I can tell you all about the Eberron campaign I may never get to run, but I'm totally blocked coming up with the d20M game I'm running for Chicago Gameday.

Part of this anxiety may stem from expectations. I'm very demanding as a player, which makes me a demanding GM; I want every gaming experience I create to be extraordinary. Ergo, I put a lot of pressure on myself to do a good job, which can be stifling (and which is why it's easier to work on a campaign I know may never happen).

What gets me through (hopefully) is knowing that, in the past, players have always been wowed by my GMing, and that I'm nonetheless supremely confident that the ideas and techniques I have are really good... even if I do get daunted implementing them.

The remainder of the year should be a trial by fire for me. I'll be running the aformentioned d20M game at Chicago gameday (heck, I'm the new organizer of the event!), and I'll most likely be starting a long-term campaign for one of my groups. I'm hoping these will go well and give me my "sea legs" back, as it were.

 

[zenld]

Nope, never. But, based on my professional training for my career, and who I game with, this isn't really surprising.

what career?

to answer the topic, yes i do. i ran a campaign several years ago that ran for 4 years, and was said by the players to be the best they had played in. now our whole group suffers from anxiety as we all wish to hit that same high level. my current campaign is no different. but it takes a while to get to that level i think, especially with the group i have, so i am taking it session by session and hoping when all is said and done everyone enjoyed themselves, and we got the best out of the campaign.

zen

 

[DungeonmasterCal]

You know, even after playing D&D since the late 1970s and DMing for almost that long, I still sometimes get a kind of "stage fright" before the gang comes over to play. Thoughts like "ugh, this isn't going to work" or "I didn't prepare enough and so I'm going to have to wing it" or "the mystery is so obvious they'll be bored to tears" or just a general fear that I'm not going to do a very good job. Anyone else?

I've been DM'ing for most of the 19 years I've been gaming, and most of that with the same folks, so usually I'm pretty calm and collected. There have been times when intra-group dynamics have made the job a little difficult, but I blame that on the players who in real life can't get over their petty problems with each other. I feel more like a day-care teacher than a DM on those nights. It's been so long since I've DM'd for a new crew, I think I would be pretty nervous about that.

 

[ivocaliban]

Every single time. Something in my nature, I suppose, despises being the center of attention and when you're the DM you have to be now and again. I play with shamefully small groups (usually just one or two players). When more people get involved, especially people I don't know very well, I get more concerned about my performance...which tends to make me nervous. Apparently, it's not terribly obvious, however, and the worst of it is over in the first fifteen minutes or so. After that I usually manage to find my groove and things get more relaxed and comfortable.

 

[diaglo]

i think players must think i have epic level ranks in intimidate.

i don't get stage fright. i get giddy.

i love this game. but i find i can't find a group to play it.

and i don't even bite or wield a shovel much.

 

[WizarDru]

i love this game. but i find i can't find a group to play it.

Did they have DMs under your edition?

 

[Zappo]

Nah. Not even when I first DMed... maybe because everyone involved had never played a RPG before, so we all trusted the rules to make the game and didn't quite realize how huge the DM's influence was. Nowadays, I feel perfectly comfortable DMing.

I know that if the situation goes downhill, I can just make monsters appear out of thin air and sic 'em on the PCs until I've thought up something.

 

[diaglo]

Did they have DMs under your edition?

no. we were referees.

 

[Sargon the Kassadian]

You hit it on the nose

This is my exact problem, I never seem to get over my fears and my campaign becomes bland and boring. I can't figure out how to start out the campaign that I've planned and once it's started it goes downhill from there.
I'm not really assertive enough (I don't engage the players enough), I guess.

 

[Dareoon Dalandrove]

I ran a modern game that everyone really enjoyed. I did plenty of prep work and gave serious thought to were the game was heading. I also tailor made challeges for each player. As we were playing though i constanly though "I have no idea what I'm doing. Any second now their all going to see though my charade."