Do we really need Monkeys?

[FCWesel]

Aw, crap. Sounds like he's loose again.

Back in your cage, monkey!

CAGE?! You to can go on "the list" mutant head. Best be careful, if you thought last game day was a rotten time...you just wait to the next...

 

[Abstraction]

Everybody's got something to hide except for me and my monkey.

It's fun fighting monkey NPCs. The wizard gets to shock the monkey while the fighter spanks the monkey.

 

[Doctor Shaft]

Stunning Poo [GENERAL]

You know how to skillfully fling poo at your opponents, especially at vulnerable areas like their noses.

Prerequisites: Dex 16, Int 8 (or lower), Wis 8 (or lower), Improved Monkey Business, base attack bonus +2

Benefit: You must declare that you are using this feat before you make your attack roll (thus, a failed attack roll ruins the attempt). Stunning Poo forces a foe damaged by your flung poo to make a Will saving throw (DC 10 +1/2 your character level + your Cha modifer), in addition to dealing 1d2 damage normally (poo has mass after all). A defender who fails this saving throw is humiliated for 1 round (until just before your next action). A humliated character appears dumbfounded, stops fighting, and perhaps even cries about how monkeys shouldn't be in the Core books. There are probably other penalties that should be mentioned, but everyone involved in combat will be too busy laughing. You may attempt a stunning poo attack once per day for every meal your monkey eats (you can't make something from nothing). Constructs, oozes, plants, undead, Incorporeal creatures, and creatures immune to critical hits will probably just eat the poo, and therefore cannot be humiliated.

Range 30/ft.

Special: A humanoid fighter may select this feat, but is likely to be ridiculed and disowned by his party members and any surrounding community that happen to witness its use. Even barbarian characters should not approve of Stunning Poo.

 

[Remathilis]

What? Your gonna ban monkeys? What about Camels? Or Pandas? Or Llamas? D&D is not just Tolkien's animals (uh... horse? Warg? what else?) Its far reaching. If you don't want to use monkeys in your game, that fine. But monkeys need to be in the core rules.

 

[fusangite]

Doctor Shaft,

That was a work of pure genius. I laughed until I stopped.

 

[Romnipotent]

now to combine Fling Ally, playa great ape, and throw tamarins I poop on!

 

[Gez]

*Snif*

I love youse guys. What a beautiful thread. I'm moved.

 

[Evilhalfling]

I think this quote should clarify things


from the SMRD
MONKEY
Tiny Animal
Hit Dice: 1d8 (4 hp)
Initiative: +2
Speed: 30 ft. (6 squares), climb 30 ft.
Armor Class: 14 (+2 size, +2 Dex), touch 14, flat-footed 12
Base Attack/Grapple: +0/–12
Attack: Bite +4 melee (1d3–4)
Full Attack: Bite +4 melee (1d3–4)
Space/Reach: 2-1/2 ft./0 ft.
Special Attacks: —
Special Qualities: Low-light vision
Saves: Fort +2, Ref +4, Will +1
Abilities: Str 3, Dex 15, Con 10, Int 2, Wis 12, Cha 5
Skills: Balance + 10, Climb +10, Hide +10, Listen +3, Spot +3
Feats: Weapon Finesse
Environment: Warm forests
Organization: Troop (10–40)
Challenge Rating: 1/6
Advancement: 2–3 HD (Small)
Level Adjustment: —
The statistics presented here can describe any arboreal monkey that is no bigger than a housecat, such as a colobus or capuchin.
Combat
Monkeys generally flee into the safety of the trees, but if cornered can fight ferociously.
Skills: Monkeys have a +8 racial bonus on Balance and Climb checks. They can always choose to take 10 on Climb checks, even if rushed or threatened. They use their Dexterity modifier instead of their Strength modifier for Climb checks.

 

[Romnipotent]

I think this quote should clarify things

The statistics presented here can describe any arboreal monkey that is no bigger than a housecat, such as a colobus or capuchin.[/I]

wait.... we're not talking about a 1954 Buick soft-top?

dang, here I was about to say why we need the buicks! we cant forget the buicks!