Hypersmurf said:
I took it as quite a compliment once when several months into a PbEM game, someone referred to me in an OOC comment as "she", and several players expressed surprise when I corrected him - apparently I'd avoided the cliches successfully enough that they'd assumed it was a female running the character.
Understand that I mean it as a compliment when I say you may have it backwards: it may be precisely
because you handled the cliches so well that they believed you. In other words, you may understand certain stereotypical gendered behavior well enough that you were able to emulate it successfully, making them believe you were female.
The only problems I've ever had with crossgender roleplaying is when the DM and other players (that = me) refers to the character by the player's sex, and the player gets miffed or constantly corrects the DM/other player. Such corrections can completely derail an idea, a description, a conversation, a mood, especially when they're happening over and over.
A certain amount of subtle stereotyping (or archetyping, if you wanna be hifalutin about it) can help with this, I maintain. Pitch your voice slightly higher or lower than your normal speaking voice when talking in character as a subtle reminder to other players that you're genderbending. Do a little bit of flirting -- not grossly, but just enough to act as a reminder. Consider, if you're a man playing a woman, not playing an especially "masculine" woman; similarly, a woman playing a man might want to stay away from especially "effiminate" men. Mention, at the inn, that you want a room separate from the others. In other words, one option is to remind people of the subtle but pervasive ways in which gender matters in day-to-day life.
Another option is not to worry about it when people mess up on the pronouns: if someone refers to your enchantress as "he," don't stop their speech to say, "she!"
Note that I am NOT suggesting turning the character into one raging stereotype; that would be awful. However, stereotypes are a necessary part of RPGs, and recognizing and using them a bit can only help folks remember the character.
Daniel