Hi folks. I'm sorry I've been such an awful DM.
I have no excuse for my unannounced and lengthy absence. And I'm afraid that I don't intend to stay long unless something changes drastically. Let me attempt to at least explain myself.
I've always loved D&D, but I'll be honest with you, I've never loved DMing. While LEW was alive and thriving, I DMed several games because I felt that I was providing a service to a community. I had fun, but what I really loved was PCing Rasereit (my dwarf) and Fimble (my gnome).
Rasereit has been wasting away in the Red Dragon Inn for years now, and my love for Fimble was destroyed in an attempt to have my cake and eat it, too, when I introduced him as an NPC in my Shovel adventure. All I've done for many a moon now is DM.
I think you see where this is going.
At first I was really trying to keep up my enthusiasm, to "bite the pencil", and hope that the forced curling of my lips would become a genuine smile after a while. I kept it up for a long time, though definitely with some MIA moments. But when I one day decided that I would take an indefinitely long break, I surprised myself with how... unburdened I felt.
Signing on to LEW and "playing": spending way too long making maps, playing multiple NPCs that I had no real emotional investment in, constantly checking rules and even still, often getting them wrong, had become a chore that I grudgingly performed, not a joy that I looked forward to every day.
So I stopped, and then I stayed away, dreading writing this post.
But here I am. This is unfortunately how I feel. I might feel differently if there were other adventures being run, if there were ideas being proposed and arm wrestling in the tavern. But this place feels too much like a ghost town with one DM. And though it saddens me to let it go on my watch, I just have to admit to myself and to everybody that I'm not having fun, and I need to let it go.
So with that being said, Medina, Kaleva, epicbob, were you having fun? Would you like to continue? If you three are excited to finish this adventure, I am happy to see it through. But if LEW is to survive, the next adventure will have to have a different DM.
Sorry for the long post, and again, for the long absence.