ENWorld-Appropriate Dating Question

[fusangite]

Dont worry: you guys aren't my main source of advice on this issue but I figure there is actually some specialist knowledge I can mine here in order to procrastinate more effectively (ie. for a longer time).

A new player has recently joined my group whom I did not know prior to her involvement with my RPG. She is an excellent player who adds a lot to our gaming sessions and really enriches people's enjoyment of the game. She is also very attractive. I would like to ask her out but I presently only interact with her in the context of the game.

I am sure that many GMs have dealt with this issue before and so I am eager for people to share any stories of success and failure and any other advice they have in this regard. In particular, the risk I am seeking to minimize is the danger that my potential conduct might cause lasting discomfort resulting in her leaving the game.

 

[Hand of Evil]

AFTER A GAME ask her if she would like to go out for a bite or coffee. This does two things, 1) gives you something to talk about to break the ice and 2) not a lot of the date vibe, just two people chit-chatting. It is an introduction and shows interest.

Are you sure she is not a member of these boards?

 

[diaglo]

hey, baby wanna see my minis?


sorry, mang i got nothin'. never dated fellow gamers before.

 

[Darmanicus]

AFTER A GAME
Are you sure she is not a member of these boards?

Now that WOULD be funny; especially if she ended up giving Fungy some advice.

Anyway, my two cents would be to entice her with XP rewards.....works every time for everything.

 

[Hand of Evil]

Now that WOULD be funny; especially if she ended up giving Fungy some advice.

Anyway, my two cents would be to entice her with XP rewards.....works every time for everything.

Sooner or later it will happen! EN.World love connection, new meaning to gamer seeking gamer! Really, the odds are it happening!

 

[Aeson]

Has she given you any signals she might be interested?

Women gamers are hard to find and gamers that add to the game are even harder. You dont want to scare her away.

Another thing you might want to make sure none of the other guys like her. You dont want the group to break up of a girl.

I'm kinda curious what the ladies out there have to say.

 

[der_kluge]

Yea, tread carefully here.
There was a girl that joined my game several years ago, and I deduced later that she pretty much only joined because she was attracted to me. Damn shame she was psychotic.

That's a tough one. You could always invite her over to discuss aspects of her character, and then change the subject a lot and see if she seems interested in you, or if you have a lot in common. Be sure to do this with everyone, though, or else it will look like you're playing favorites with her.

 

[fusangite]

Has she given you any signals she might be interested?

I can't tell. Basically, I am a pretty socially perceptive person in most situations -- until it pertains directly to me. Then I turn into a complete moron. If I were to become part of a formal debate on the subject, I could argue the con side just as easily as the pro side. But of course, as we know, that's only half the story anyway; attraction is often a dialectical process wherein we readjust our opinion of how we feel about the other person based on how we believe them to feel about us.

Women gamers are hard to find and gamers that add to the game are even harder. You dont want to scare her away.

Thus, my solicitation of advice. (Not really; actually I'm just procrastinating. )

Are you sure she is not a member of these boards?

Of course one can never really be sure but I doubt it. It was certainly a risk that crossed my mind before I posted. As for your other advice, you are addressing the issue I was kind of concerned about and going in very much the opposite direction I was intending to go. My inclination was to make an overture to do something socially that was unambiguously (a) a date and (b) not associated with the player-GM dynamic. I'm not trying to avoid rejection here so much as damage to the game.

Anyway, thanks for the advice so far. Any help I can get procrastinating on my Simon Magus paper is much appreciated.

 

[Darmanicus]

I can't tell. Basically, I am a pretty socially perceptive person in most situations -- until it pertains directly to me. Then I turn into a complete moron.

Unfortunately this is usually the case where women are concerned.

 

[Thornir Alekeg]

The question also needs to be asked: how did she come to join the group? I gamed in one group years ago that suddenly had a new female member. A few people in the group were friends with her, including the DM, and I had met her on a couple of occasions. [egotrip] Turns out she had joined the group so she would have a reason to get to know me better. We dated for a while [/egotrip], but broke up a few months later when her boyfriend came back to town. I ended up leaving the gaming group after that, the tension in the room was bit too much for me to handle.

Beyond that, I would say go with Hand of Evil's advice. Be casual about it so you on't end up screwing up the entire group.