Ethics: do you have to help your no-good sibling?

[Dannyalcatraz]

It's an entirely different thing to actually have to do it.

No question about that. One of the hardest things to do in this world is allow a loved one to fail.

The two things I'd add at this point are:

1) this kind of decision making pops up again and again in life- the same issues occur in making end-of life decisions about "Do Not Resuscitate" orders and treatment options. Worse, not addressing this kind of decision NOW can accelerate the need to make it later...but so can taking immediate action. Only the person on the spot can decide.

2) there are people in this world who, as long as they have a safety net, will continue to use it.

 

[Stumblewyk]

1) this kind of decision making pops up again and again in life- the same issues occur in making end-of life decisions about "Do Not Resuscitate" orders and treatment options. Worse, not addressing this kind of decision NOW can accelerate the need to make it later...but so can taking immediate action. Only the person on the spot can decide.

Strangely enough, I have real-life experience with this type of scenario as well - My wife and I had to make the terrible decision to take our son off of life support a little over 4.5 years ago. And strangely, that was an easier to decision to make, knowing my son had absolutely zero quality-of-life left for him going forwards, even if he had ever recovered from what had brought him to that point in the first place.

The difficult thing about making a similar (as in, "it's okay if I never see you again, you are already dead to me, etc.") decision regarding my brother is that there is ALWAYS the chance that he can turn things around.

And that's why it's so hard to cut a loved one out, even when their actions completely warrant it - there's always that chance, no matter how slim, that they'll get their act together, and be the person you wished they were again.

(Also, I seriously apologize for semi-threadjacking this topic, and completely bringing the mood down in the room. I just figured the best way to illustrate this stuff would be to use real world examples...and well...I got 'em. )

 

[Janx]

good discussion.

It sounds like Lifeboat Ethics covers the right to say "no" if rendering aid would hurt the helper.

Though conversely, most heroics are done at great risk to the helper, for the aid of another. Especially when others don't know the whole story.

What this sets up is a situation where a person has a right to say "no" but others will look down on that person for not helping. Basically, peer pressure and lack of common information can cause problems in exercising this right.

I have seen people with loser parents that drag their young adult kids into their drama. This throws off their ability to finish school, and get out of the mire their parents are in. No parent should want that for their kids and should insist their kids stay on the path to success, no stay back and help them.

 

[Thornir Alekeg]

My take on family is that every body deserves a second chance. I will be there for them.

If they need a third, fourth or fifth chance, then there had better be some extenuating circumstances.

The other thing is that help I offer a no-good sibling might not be the help they want, but rather the help they need. It may be an intervention, turning them in, or turning possibly them out.

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

It sounds like Lifeboat Ethics covers the right to say "no" if rendering aid would hurt the helper.

...and others you are trying to help.

That sub-field covers the extreme cases, such as in the case of actual lifeboat rescues (hence the name).

 

[Banshee16]

I think it depends on the situation, personally, but everyone seems to interpret what to do differently.

If I had a family member who couldn't hold down a job, or lost their home, I'd likely do what I could to help. They're family. But if they did something terrible, like kill someone? Would I hide it? I'd like to think not. If I did, I'd be a hypocrite, because I feel such a decision is wrong.

It's selfish of that family member to do something so horrendous and expect their family to stick up for them.

Banshee