Ever had a Player Threaten you Like This?

[Catavarie]

Easy enough situation fo rme to deal with, my house rules are clearly printed and posted on the door as you enter my game room and the top rule is that if anyone misses a session does so at the risk of their character becoming canon fodder for the group and that no rewards are given when their is no player.

I also don't allow players to handle more characters than they create for the game initially. But then again I'm a RBDM

 

[Mallus]

I would simply change your rule about giving exp to players who dont show. Thats a definite no-no in my game. That will nip in the bud any future problems of the ilk. Awarding exp to a no-show is wrong on many levels...

I award full XP for all characters, whether they're present or not. And I see it as an ideal policy for the group I run.

I do not want to penalize my players for being considerate enough to stay away when they're sick.

Eveyone in my group is in their 30's. Work and family life intrude on our sessions often enough. I do not want to penalize my players for having a rational set of priorities. Just be polite and give a call...

Besides, anyone who misses a session misses the fun (err, I hope). That's penalty enough.

 

[Mallus]

i would say "Goodbye drama queen!

Right, because the best way to deal with a drama queen is to rip the tiara right off their head and then show them how its really done...

I think everyone's entitled to one bad day/blow up/ill-conceived blackmail attempt. Now if its not an isolated incident and, rather, part of a pattern of behavior, then by all means, depose the drama queen and be done with it.

 

[swrushing]

Now, my question to you is: Have you ever had similar "encounters" with your players? If so how did you deal with them? And would you have recommended me to do something else?

My general rule of thumb is this...

if a player comes to me and says "i have a poblem, lets figure out what to do." i bend over to make things work.

if a player comes to me and says "i want x or i am quitting" or "i have had it i am quitting" then i say "see ya"

The former is an example of attempting to work with me while the latter is an attempt to manipulate me.

HOWEVER, if the case was as you describe where i had failed to do something i had promised, especially since it adversely affected their character, i would be more lenient and IMMEDIATELY fix my oversight without question but add to it "by the way, no need for the hooplah and drama in the future. just remind me politely and you will find me very willing to correct my errors. You don't think it was intentional, right?"

 

[swrushing]

This is exactly how i run games. Your loss for not being there is not getting to play. No need to penalize EVERYONE by having your character be weaker.

I award full XP for all characters, whether they're present or not. And I see it as an ideal policy for the group I run.

I do not want to penalize my players for being considerate enough to stay away when they're sick.

Eveyone in my group is in their 30's. Work and family life intrude on our sessions often enough. I do not want to penalize my players for having a rational set of priorities. Just be polite and give a call...

Besides, anyone who misses a session misses the fun (err, I hope). That's penalty enough.

 

[MadMaxim]

My general rule of thumb is this...

if a player comes to me and says "i have a poblem, lets figure out what to do." i bend over to make things work.

if a player comes to me and says "i want x or i am quitting" or "i have had it i am quitting" then i say "see ya"

The former is an example of attempting to work with me while the latter is an attempt to manipulate me.

HOWEVER, if the case was as you describe where i had failed to do something i had promised, especially since it adversely affected their character, i would be more lenient and IMMEDIATELY fix my oversight without question but add to it "by the way, no need for the hooplah and drama in the future. just remind me politely and you will find me very willing to correct my errors. You don't think it was intentional, right?"

My point exactly, swrushing! I didn't play her character as I had promised, but I immediately gave her approximately the amount of XP she missed out on since she wasn't there. But instead of saying that I may have forgot to give the XP, she throws me the ultimatum. I let it slide this time, because I didn't play her character, but if she pulls a similar stunt some other time where I'm not to blame for anything, I'll have a serious talk with her and tell her that I will not accept such behavior.

In hindsight, I probably should have let her stay on guard duty or something like that. I've done it with the other player characters, but I think I just felt like I could both set up a good adventure AND run her character. I overestimated my own abilities and I have now seen the error of my ways. Thank you, everyone

Once again, thanks for sharing your opinions on the subject. I appreciate it.

 

[ARandomGod]

Now, my question to you is: Have you ever had similar "encounters" with your players? If so how did you deal with them? And would you have recommended me to do something else?

Never. But then I give full XP for a missed session. My reasoning is that we're all older now, and the game itself is the reward. If you fall significantly behind in XP the game becomes less rewarding, and you don't really have as much incentive to play. I've found that "punishing" adults for having to have a real life isn't as effective as "punishing" teens for chooseing to do something else fun instead of this game.

However, I agree that the way this was presented to you lacked social finesse. Which leads to the question, has the player been able to express dissatisfation to you adequately in the past? This could just be a function of a "low charisma score"... or to say the player just might not know how to breach the subject, had other Real Life issues come up to further distract and annoy her (a probability with missing sessions like that, assuming it's an adult player). ... So it was a bad attempt at communication. It was still an attempt, many people would just have left without trying. I know I'd quit any game wherein I became significantly handicapped through no fault of my own (like having my kid get sick or being forced to work for a couple of weekends, or something). I mean, first I have my hobby taken away from me for two weeks, and THEN I discover it's beed destroyed permanently (due to it becoming less fun because I'm no longer comperable to the other players).

Of cousre, I'd probably have tried to discuss this with you before I quit. And if I'd failed, I would have quit with no explanation. But that's me.

 

[ARandomGod]

It's amazing how many people seem to be willing to kick someone to curb for one snappy remark.

Maybe I'm just in need of a real life game, or I've always played with my friends, and I'm missing some bad experience, but wow, it's surprising.

I'm not all that surprised.

1) People tend to over-react to things. For example, her letter threatening to quit!

2) DnD... tends to start out when you're young. When you're young there is a plethora of avaiable "friends", and you don't need any one in general. There are philosophies where you can kick one out easily, people are interchangeable.

3) DnD sometimes leads to "game friends", where you don't really know the person(s) you're playing with, and may never get to know anyone other than the gameday.

 

[ARandomGod]

...
but if she pulls a similar stunt some other time where I'm not to blame for anything, I'll have a serious talk with her and tell her that I will not accept such behavior.
...

To be fair I'd have a small talk with her now. Well, I *might* let it slide completely, depending on personalities, but in general it's best to go ahead and talk.

You feel bad about how she came to you with this "request" (*cough*demand*cough*), and you want her to know that she can be free to come to you and talk to you about issues she may have. And in general you even encourage such discourse. But you don't respond to ultimatums well, and you think she should know this.


Many people don't respond to ultimatums well. My general rule with ultimatums is to always, always as a default either call their bluff or let them go. However I also *tell* people this first, and I'll even tell them that after they attempt to give me one.

"I'm sorry, I don't negotiate in that manner".

 

[Agback]

Have you ever had similar "encounters" with your players?

Not I. People who want to stop playing generally want to quit rather than get sacked.

Once (well, many times, over teh space of years) upon a time I used to bend over backwards to indulge players. I've written about that, about 'the 'one move and the idiot gets it' gambit. It ruined, completely ruined, not only my game but my ability to run good games for the players who were used to my GMing. So for fifteen years or so my policy has been this:

When I am the GM, I have control over the GMey bits of the game, and the responsibility to use that control to make a good game, enjoyable for everyone. If you don't like what I do, if you think I don't know what I'm doing, then most likely you won't care for the experience I am trying to provide. There's nothing wrong with that. But I guarantee that no-one will appreciate what comes to pass if you start trying to take over the controls. See you for coffee Thursday, but don't bother to show up for the game tomorrow night.

If you show your players that they get more by playing you than by playing their characters, some of them are naturally going to do it. Their characer play will go to the pack, and the web of consequences, the illusion of reality, in your game will go all to wreck. Keep control, or give up the GMing.