In my last column I spoke about the brick walls we encounter in life and in roleplaying. Deciding whether or not those barriers are worth breaking down or leaving behind.
This philosophy is a great guiding principle for personal clarity, personal goals and personal obstacles. However, in life, as is the case in our games, we ain't in this alone. Sometimes we need to pay attention to the group more than ourselves.
The other members of the party are folks who hopefully have as much clarity as we do. They have their own path, which overlaps with our own. And they have their own walls to deal with. I think it’s pretty obvious that getting through or over or around those walls is nearly always easier with help. Isn’t that the whole reason we partied up to begin with?
The key is recognizing that we should take the time to help the rest of our team with the brick walls and locked doors that bar them from what they need. Even if it means we put our agenda on hold for a while. Even if it means a side quest.
If you really want to be a valued member of the team, it means two things:
1) Bring your best self to the group and shine where you shine.
2) Be generous about helping others get what they are after.
If everybody would focus on those two things, the team would run like a well oiled machine.
How do you know if you’re doing a good job? You’ll hear the other members of the team compliment you in your role. They will trust you to do your job and to help them when they need it. They will stand by your side when you need help and pick you up when you fall. They will guard your back and heal your wounds.
In gaming there is sometimes a tendency to play a character who is a “loner” or “outsider.” It can be fun to stand apart from the group at times. We tend to admire individuality and recognize those who are willing to march to the beat of their own drum. It’s not necessarily a bad thing to be that person. But here’s the thing:
Don’t be a dick about it.
When the party Cleric is negotiating with the King about how the church can aid with the recent rebel crisis, it’s ok to have your Rogue interject that the rebels might not be rebelling if they weren’t taxed so heavily. That’s (probably) good roleplaying. It’s a lot less ok if you have your Rogue just start stabbing the King’s guards. That’s (probably) just attention whoring.
That Cleric player is clearly having a moment that is important to their character. They may be using one of their best skills (Diplomacy) and trying to shine. Do you really want to dick that up just for the sake of proving that the King is not the boss of you? Stop being so Chaotic Neutral and be someone they are glad to have on the team.
A less overt manner of being a dick is when you simply don’t cooperate or cheer for the goals of the other party members. Once again, my most important party member is my wife. She’s awesome. One of the precise ways in which she is awesome is her willingness to establish some kind of fitness routine. I totally admire that she gets to the gym on a regular basis, and not just when she’s bending over to tie her shoelaces.
One of the ways she motivates herself is by committing to official events like road races and triathlons. She has asked me to participate in a few of these. Sometimes I do and sometimes I don’t. And that’s ok. We don’t have to be in lockstep about this stuff.
But I try to recognize when she needs that extra push. She’ll usually say, “I’m going to do this race and I would really like it if you’d do it with me.” Whenever she speaks in italics, I recognize that it’s in everybody’s best interest if I am more of a team player. So I get off my butt, train, and participate.
Even when I don’t manage to get to the point of participation, I do my very best to facilitate her goals every chance I get. When she needs me to handle the child care so that she can go to the gym, the answer is “Yes.” When she needs to schedule a race for a given weekend, the answer is “Yes.” And when she is snuggled on the sofa and it’s raining outside and she asks, “Do I have to go to the gym tonight?” the answer is “Yes.” Sometimes cheering for a team member means picking them up and kicking them in the ass.
This spring we’re doing the Warrior Dash, as a team. I already know that it’ll be tough and there will be walls to climb over. But simply knowing that I’ll have my wife and other friends with me assures me that we’ll be successful. Everybody will contribute and those walls will fall before our collected might.
Let me also emphasize how important it is to give out kudos when the other party members help you get past your walls. They put themselves out for you and you should remember to mention them during your big acceptance speech. A hug and a share of the loot is also generally appreciated.
And then, when your moment in the sun has passed, when you are cleaned up and rested and ready again, you look to your team and ask, “Thank you. Now where are we headed next?”
Where are you or your character headed next? Who is on your team that is helping you to get there?
This philosophy is a great guiding principle for personal clarity, personal goals and personal obstacles. However, in life, as is the case in our games, we ain't in this alone. Sometimes we need to pay attention to the group more than ourselves.
The other members of the party are folks who hopefully have as much clarity as we do. They have their own path, which overlaps with our own. And they have their own walls to deal with. I think it’s pretty obvious that getting through or over or around those walls is nearly always easier with help. Isn’t that the whole reason we partied up to begin with?
"You can get anything you want in life if you help enough other people get what they want." - Zig Ziglar
The key is recognizing that we should take the time to help the rest of our team with the brick walls and locked doors that bar them from what they need. Even if it means we put our agenda on hold for a while. Even if it means a side quest.
If you really want to be a valued member of the team, it means two things:
1) Bring your best self to the group and shine where you shine.
2) Be generous about helping others get what they are after.
If everybody would focus on those two things, the team would run like a well oiled machine.
How do you know if you’re doing a good job? You’ll hear the other members of the team compliment you in your role. They will trust you to do your job and to help them when they need it. They will stand by your side when you need help and pick you up when you fall. They will guard your back and heal your wounds.
In gaming there is sometimes a tendency to play a character who is a “loner” or “outsider.” It can be fun to stand apart from the group at times. We tend to admire individuality and recognize those who are willing to march to the beat of their own drum. It’s not necessarily a bad thing to be that person. But here’s the thing:
Don’t be a dick about it.
When the party Cleric is negotiating with the King about how the church can aid with the recent rebel crisis, it’s ok to have your Rogue interject that the rebels might not be rebelling if they weren’t taxed so heavily. That’s (probably) good roleplaying. It’s a lot less ok if you have your Rogue just start stabbing the King’s guards. That’s (probably) just attention whoring.
That Cleric player is clearly having a moment that is important to their character. They may be using one of their best skills (Diplomacy) and trying to shine. Do you really want to dick that up just for the sake of proving that the King is not the boss of you? Stop being so Chaotic Neutral and be someone they are glad to have on the team.
A less overt manner of being a dick is when you simply don’t cooperate or cheer for the goals of the other party members. Once again, my most important party member is my wife. She’s awesome. One of the precise ways in which she is awesome is her willingness to establish some kind of fitness routine. I totally admire that she gets to the gym on a regular basis, and not just when she’s bending over to tie her shoelaces.
One of the ways she motivates herself is by committing to official events like road races and triathlons. She has asked me to participate in a few of these. Sometimes I do and sometimes I don’t. And that’s ok. We don’t have to be in lockstep about this stuff.
But I try to recognize when she needs that extra push. She’ll usually say, “I’m going to do this race and I would really like it if you’d do it with me.” Whenever she speaks in italics, I recognize that it’s in everybody’s best interest if I am more of a team player. So I get off my butt, train, and participate.
Even when I don’t manage to get to the point of participation, I do my very best to facilitate her goals every chance I get. When she needs me to handle the child care so that she can go to the gym, the answer is “Yes.” When she needs to schedule a race for a given weekend, the answer is “Yes.” And when she is snuggled on the sofa and it’s raining outside and she asks, “Do I have to go to the gym tonight?” the answer is “Yes.” Sometimes cheering for a team member means picking them up and kicking them in the ass.
This spring we’re doing the Warrior Dash, as a team. I already know that it’ll be tough and there will be walls to climb over. But simply knowing that I’ll have my wife and other friends with me assures me that we’ll be successful. Everybody will contribute and those walls will fall before our collected might.
Let me also emphasize how important it is to give out kudos when the other party members help you get past your walls. They put themselves out for you and you should remember to mention them during your big acceptance speech. A hug and a share of the loot is also generally appreciated.
And then, when your moment in the sun has passed, when you are cleaned up and rested and ready again, you look to your team and ask, “Thank you. Now where are we headed next?”
Where are you or your character headed next? Who is on your team that is helping you to get there?
