Tarrasque Wrangler
First Post
Hi, I'm the Tarrasque Wrangler. For years now, I've worked with these amazing animals, training them for use in your favorite movies. You may have seen Priscilla here in such blockbuster action films as Godzilla 1985, Flintstones: Viva Rock Vegas, and Three Men and a Baby. I've studied these gentle giants all my life, so you can imagine how saddened I was to learn recently that there is only one Tarrasque left in the wild. That's when I became involved with the organization Humans Against the Slaughter and Torture of Underdark Reptilians (HASTUR).
Every year, thousands of our cold-blooded friends are massacred by wandering "adventurers" simply for the crime of being born with scales and a penchant for hoarding. Innocent victims like my friend Meepo here. Meepo was first brought to HASTUR as a baby kobold - the adults in his family having been brutally murdered by a roving gang of paladins who left Meepo and his 57 brothers and sisters orphans. Meepo was destitute and psychologically scarred, unable to form even such simple phrases as "Meepo friend" and "Meepo show you the way". But we were able to put Meepo in a nurturing, sunless environment where he received the armor, random magic item distribution and hit die advancement a young kobold needs to survive in today's subterranean world.
But HASTUR's work doesn't end with charity. HASTUR, along with their sister organization Citizens That Hope for Understanding, Love and Humanity towards Underdarkers (CTHULHU) has lobbied hard for the legal protection of our scaly brethren. This year, HASTUR went to Washington and successfully fought for a ban on so-called "stacking bonuses" that had been used for years by unscrupulous archers, as well as supported the one-minute-per-level limit on performance-enhancing (or "buffing") spells. This upcoming Congressional session, HASTUR will work to end the stranglehold that the National Greatsword Association has long used to stall anti-bane enchantment legislation, as well as an across-the-board moratorium on favored enemy bonuses.
Together we can end the wanton destruction of these magnificent and intelligent species. Do you really want your children to grow up never having witnessed the majesty and beauty of a red dragon swooping low over their village? When you trip over a stray pile of copper pieces or nick yourself on a +4 halberd just lying around where any child could pick it up, you're going to miss that dragon and the valuable role they played in our ecology.
The HASTUR Donation Services program can help them AND you. If you have a chariot that won't pass smog, an Apparatus of Kwalish with expired registration, or Dad's old spelljammer that needs an expensive new helm, donate it to HASTUR. Just speak our name aloud, and soon one of our friendly collection agents will appraise and take away your old vehicle. Along with your generous tax break, you'll also get a photo and essay on the troglodyte nest, lizardfolk spawn or fledgling wyrm that your donation dollars are going to help.
Join HASTUR. Because a kobold baby is a terrible thing to waste.
Every year, thousands of our cold-blooded friends are massacred by wandering "adventurers" simply for the crime of being born with scales and a penchant for hoarding. Innocent victims like my friend Meepo here. Meepo was first brought to HASTUR as a baby kobold - the adults in his family having been brutally murdered by a roving gang of paladins who left Meepo and his 57 brothers and sisters orphans. Meepo was destitute and psychologically scarred, unable to form even such simple phrases as "Meepo friend" and "Meepo show you the way". But we were able to put Meepo in a nurturing, sunless environment where he received the armor, random magic item distribution and hit die advancement a young kobold needs to survive in today's subterranean world.
But HASTUR's work doesn't end with charity. HASTUR, along with their sister organization Citizens That Hope for Understanding, Love and Humanity towards Underdarkers (CTHULHU) has lobbied hard for the legal protection of our scaly brethren. This year, HASTUR went to Washington and successfully fought for a ban on so-called "stacking bonuses" that had been used for years by unscrupulous archers, as well as supported the one-minute-per-level limit on performance-enhancing (or "buffing") spells. This upcoming Congressional session, HASTUR will work to end the stranglehold that the National Greatsword Association has long used to stall anti-bane enchantment legislation, as well as an across-the-board moratorium on favored enemy bonuses.
Together we can end the wanton destruction of these magnificent and intelligent species. Do you really want your children to grow up never having witnessed the majesty and beauty of a red dragon swooping low over their village? When you trip over a stray pile of copper pieces or nick yourself on a +4 halberd just lying around where any child could pick it up, you're going to miss that dragon and the valuable role they played in our ecology.
The HASTUR Donation Services program can help them AND you. If you have a chariot that won't pass smog, an Apparatus of Kwalish with expired registration, or Dad's old spelljammer that needs an expensive new helm, donate it to HASTUR. Just speak our name aloud, and soon one of our friendly collection agents will appraise and take away your old vehicle. Along with your generous tax break, you'll also get a photo and essay on the troglodyte nest, lizardfolk spawn or fledgling wyrm that your donation dollars are going to help.
Join HASTUR. Because a kobold baby is a terrible thing to waste.
Last edited:
