Father of a teen

[Kramodlog]

And it can mean the world. What's your point?

That just concern doesn't mean squat. The actions are what is important.

 

[Jan van Leyden]

Today I become the father of a teenager. God help me.

Any advice from you teen-experienced fathers? My son is a good boy, but I know the hormones are going to soon make him, (and me and his mother), crazy.

Our daughter - turning 15 in March - changed in a manageable way. Some mood swings, tries to get free of the parents, withdraws a lot to her room, bullying her little brother.

Our son turns 13 in May. He was always - from the day of his siring - much more headstrong than her. I expect his phase of puberty to be more ... interesting.

Two of our prime goals in educating our children was to make them self-dependent and enable them to make their own decisions, and to make them confident to ask us for advice. I could say that in our daughter's case this seems to have worked. But before we can have a good, long talk with our children after they've left home and found their own ways of live, this is nothing but wishfull self-praise.

 

[Quartz]

Your son will look for male role models other than yourself. Try to gently steer him to good people.

 

[Zombie_Babies]

The biggest thing, IMO, is to understand that the kid will do something incredibly dumb at some point. Make sure he knows you'll be there no matter what.

If he drinks make sure he knows he can call you for a ride so he doesn't ever drive drunk or ride with someone who does. Make condoms available, too. Consequences aren't something they understand. Er, they do but they can't link them to their actions.

Make sure he understands that the future, for him, starts right the bleep now. Things he does today could have an impact that lasts the rest of his life. IME, this is the hardest thing to get across. They get it but they don't.

 

[Homicidal_Squirrel]

The biggest thing, IMO, is to understand that the kid will do something incredibly dumb at some point. Make sure he knows you'll be there no matter what.

What if he kills you?

 

[Zombie_Babies]

What if he kills you?

You'll still be there. Er, at least until he leaves the room.

 

[Bullgrit]

Just remember that teenagers test and try on different personalities like adults try on sets of clothes, looking for the one that fits best.

About a month ago, my son was upset because of how a friend had treated him. The friend said something insulting to him, picking on him, and laughed. I don't remember what the statement was, but his other friends present at the time either laughed or made no reaction. The situation upset my son.

When my son told me this, I explained that boys in middle school often experiment with things like types of humor. They hear someone on TV or in a movie cracked on someone, and it's funny at that time, in that situation, directed at that target. A boy will try to mimic that type of humor with his friends. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Usually the boy later realizes it wasn't funny, and was hurtful. But he doesn't know how to fix it, so he'll just drop it and hope all goes back to okay. The other boys present also don't know how to respond to something like that. So they might initially laugh, but then they'll just ignore it and go on with life.

I told him that his friend probably now realizes that his comment was mean, and he probably won't do it again to anyone. But if he does say something like that to you again, just respond with, "I thought we were friends." That'll show him that it's not something to say to someone you like.

A week or so later I asked my son if anything else happened with that friend. He said the friend made no more similar insults to anyone, and they were fine with each other. But one of his other friends did come to my son and apologized for what the other boy had said, and for laughing at it himself. I told my son to remember the feeling, because he may someday make a similar humor mistake, and he should remember how apologizing makes it better.

That same group of boys were invited by my son for his birthday sleep over this weekend. So the everyone seems to be friends, still.

I remember "experimenting" with personalities when I was a teen. It makes me grimace thinking back on all the times. Everything I tried outside my natural personality turned out so bad. Even as an adult, acting outside myself, unnaturally, turns out bad.

Bullgrit

 

[messy]

dude. xanax.

 

[Bullgrit]

dude. xanax.

For him, or me?

Bullgrit