"Your book of tables is punny, you need to pump it up..."
Well, it wasn't punny till now, no.
1d20 Punny Entries
1 A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
2 A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West.He slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
3 Apparently a teacher has been arrested in possession of compasses, protractor, and straight edge. It is claimed he is a member of the Al Gebra movement bearing weapons of math instruction.
4 Archaeologists in Britain found part of an ancient door. It had a stone hinge on it.
5 Did you hear about the new line of Elvis Presley-themed steakhouses? They will be for people who love meat tender.
6 Did you hear the one about the man who dreamed he was a muffler on a car, and then that he was part of the wheel? He woke up exhausted and tired.
7 Ever since my friend had all the digits amputated from his feet, I find him very annoying. I think I might be lack-toes intolerant.
8 I had a nightmare that I was in Panama during a snowstorm. I was dreaming of a white isthmus.
9 I just "affixed" a stamp to an envelope as the envelope instructed me to do. I realised that I enjoy affixing stamps. Does this make me a stamp affixionado?
10 I knew someone once who was a monorail enthusiast. He had a one track mind.
11 I used to want to be a gold prospector, but it didn't pan out.
12 My biologist friend tells me that constantly developing new varieties of plant can be a strain.
13 My Father was a brick layer before he was sent to prison; to this day he still isn't a free mason.
14 My friend Max hates going up steep hills. He's always been a bit of an anti-climb Max.
15 Our local Catholic church has plans to bring their parishioners to services by bus. They plan to call it mass transit.
16 The locksmiths' brass band leader was asked to give a keynote speech.
17 The police caught a burglar last night after he broke into a bathroom window, stood on a set of scales and gave himself a weigh.
18 The price of chess pieces was going up. I had to buy quickly, so I decided to contact my pawn broker.
19 There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
20 There was one a dromedary whose fur was an amazingly close match in colour to the desert sand, and he was almost impossible to see. Some called him 'the invisible dromedary', but in reality he wasn't invisible; he was just really well camel-flaged.
-DM Jeff
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