Fun things to do to a wizard's spell book

[Driddle]

A wizard must always be wary of the chaotic little critters that sneak into his possessions, drawn by the potential mana of spell books. Such examples have been posted before, I'm certain, but the issue is important enough to revisit.

The most innocuous of the beasties, the poppuppor (commonly called a "pop-up"), infects a spell book in such a way that any spell memorized from the text will trigger a slew of distracting options when the spell is finally cast. For example, as a mage speaks the incantations for a fireball, he might be interrupted (DC roll) by a voice asking, "How would you like to meet red-hot nekkid elf chickz from the elemental plane of fire?!" or an illusionary image of two barbarians engaged in inappropriate behavior obscuring the wizard's sight. Klunky animations and misspellings are common to the poppuppor's infestation.

Then there's the spahmanator (aka "spam"), which leaves all manner of unwanted (and useless) spells in a wizard's spell book. The strange spells must be carefully erased, usually at great expense in time and money, or else the spell book pages will be filled and wasted. The spells, which are merely the waste product of the spam, can include such delights as "Sasha's Hideous Daughter," "Burp," and "Indemnify."

Perhaps the most dreadful of all the spahmanators, however, carry an additional parasitic threat: the vyrus. A vyrus, once attached to a spell book, has the ability to send copies of the book's pages (complete with spells!) to other mage books within a certain range of the owner. Not only does this force the wizard to share his valuable knowledge against his will, it also identifies him with each transmission and makes him a target of other mage's frustrations. (Note that some of these spells will unfortunately be useless crap left by the spam itself. Even the mage's closest friends will be hard pressed to appreciate such material.)

Luckily, these malefactors can be defeated before they cause damage. A wizard need only update his spell book with certain precautionary wards available through his local wizard's guild...

Or I can sell you a complete protection package with installation for only 59 gold, 95 silver. You can pick up your spell book again in a few days.

 

[Gez]

:\

 

[wingsandsword]

I'd use this in my game, except my players would throw dice at me, and I would deserve it, very good joke though.

 

[nix4]

Blocker

If I was playing I'd throw dice too...

Don't need my real life interfearing with my RPG life!! lol

 

[Driddle]

I'm tempted to introduce the element and explain it as some young wiz apprentice's attempt to prove his superiority over his professor. The artificially engineered critters got out of hand, though, and now threaten to wreak havoc across the campaign world. Chances are, the PCs would want to track down the li'l bugger on thier own for retribution, even if they're not hired to do so.

The trick would be for the DM to play it up straight, without cracking a smile or getting sucked into the players' jokes. Quite a challenge, to introduce a real world-like element but not respond to it as such in game, eh?

 

[_Magnus_]

clever.

only problem here is that nobody in my campaign is a spellcaster.

 

[Saeviomagy]

My personal problem with these would be that in general, a wizard is the equivalent of a computer professional. He knows his stuff and is highly intelligent. Computer professionals - real ones - rarely contract these sorts of things, and if they do, then they are usually noticed quickly and the damage repaired.

I mean sure, pull this sort of thing on any wizard silly enough to have no ranks in spellcraft or knowledge (arcana), but the roll to avoid and notice them should be quite, quite low.

OTOH, if it were something targeted by another skilled professional (say a carefully worded bestow curse and accompanying spellcraft roll), then the effects could be much more malicious and far more difficult to detect.

 

[Driddle]

(A) wizard ... knows his stuff and is highly intelligent.

(T)he roll to avoid and notice them should be quite, quite low.

For argument's sake, you have to remember that the first time a catastrophe hits, no one expects it. This would be the initial introduction of spell-bugs to a campaign world with zero preparation for such.

Second and third exposure? Sure, they'll be ready. But not until the unthinkable happens once.

 

[beaver1024]

Nice plot device. Unfortunately no one in my campaign plays arcane spellcasters.

 

[Harmon]

I find this idea about as funny as infecting someone's computer with a virus or pouring sugar in a gas tank.

I know if this happened to my wizard the group would retreat back to the big city and start making repairs on the books. Campaigns/quests/etc would go on hold, other PCs would have to take care of the immediate threat without the big wizard leader type. The GM and Players would all be pissed off as I would be for wasting my already slim gaming time.