Funniest DM/player faux pas

[ThorneMD]

I was once giving a description of a room in a dungeon:

DM: you come out of the tunnel onto a 10x20 rectangular room. The walls are made from make-shift stone and there is some broke furniture scattered about the room. In the east wall is another hallway, and on the north wall you see the secret door ... which apparently isn't so secret anymore.
Player (dwarf fighter): I walk over to the secret door, which I was able to find with relative ease.
DM: oh shut up.

But I think this one was the funniest.
A NPC was giving the party some useful items to help them hunt down a vampire.

DM: and the last item he gives you is a couple of steaks, 5 total.
One of the players had the most bizarre look on his face.
DM: You seem confused ... of wait ... He gives you "wooden" steaks, not the kind you eat.
Player: ohh, ok that makes more sense. I was wondering why he wanted us to feed the guy.

He's one of the best players I ever got to play with, but I'll never forget the look on his face To this day he gets teased by item descriptions.

 

[Humanaut]

While in a dungeon we were getting creeped out by some unknown beasts that the DM had a creepy voice for... an "eeeebee eebee eebee" sorta thing... had to be there. Anywho, we were freaked, then ran into one and the DM had to describe the homebrewed creature... it went ok until he stated that it was the size of... A Pig ! All images washed away and replaced with a pig attacking us. "I'm not afraid of a stupid pig!" one player cried out and the battle began. He's never lived down "eebe eebe eebe" as something that SHOULD be scary, but ain't!

 

[donremus]

Laugh it up, fuzzball! I'd had a long day as I recall.

If you are going to raise this, then you should also tell everyone the "detonate" story.

I'll leave that to you my friend, you were the DM!

 

[donremus]

DM: You beat your foe to the ground, he falls crying "Urghhh" in Elvish

 

[Kestrel]

My most recent was when the party was fighting a monk bad guy. I was reading his bonus feats (Stunning Blow, Deflect Arrow and Snatch Arrows) and got a little tripped up.

"He uses his Stunning Snatch feat to catch the arrow"

The game was pretty much shot for the rest of the night.

 

[Kafkonia]

I don't know if this is in the adventure as written, or if it was an unfortunate turn of phrase from my dm, but in The Speaker in Dreams we were tasked with locating the cause of some "piles of blood."

 

[sniffles]

The party's been hunting down a guy who stole an artifact sword. One of the PCs goes to pick up the sword. The GM goes into a lot of detail describing how the PC can't let go of the sword after he fails his Will save.

Player: "Going to the bathroom's going to be a butch, then."
Other players (laughing): "No, not anymore!"

 

[GoodKingJayIII]

A few months ago, our party met a town guardsman named Cpl. Mace. He is a recurring character, so we see him often.

Once, when we were leaving a building on the main square, the DM said:

"Cpl. Mace is marching with his privates in the open."

You win this thread.

 

[Michael Silverbane]

A while back...

The intrepid party was traveling, via boat, to the last resting place of the most badass McGuffin, when we were set upon by sea monsters. Stupid sea monsters, always wrecking everyone's fun.

The DM: ... after you dispatch the sea monsters and tend to the wounded, you discover that your boat has sprung a leak, and is taking on water. It seems only a matter of time before the small vessel sinks.

Me (the cleric): Hey... I've got make whole prepared for just such an occassion. Wahoo. I cast make whole.

The DM: (long pause) .. uh.. okay. The boat sinks faster.

Me (the cleric): What? After I cast make whole!?

The DM: Now the boat has a big hole in it.

Me (the cleric): No! Not make hole, make whole! DoubleYoo, Aitch, Oh, El, Ee. Whole.

Later
silver

 

[Olaf the Stout]

My most recent was when the party was fighting a monk bad guy. I was reading his bonus feats (Stunning Blow, Deflect Arrow and Snatch Arrows) and got a little tripped up.

"He uses his Stunning Snatch feat to catch the arrow"

The game was pretty much shot for the rest of the night.

You win Kestral. I was giggling like a little schoolgirl after reading that. Plus I had quite an amusing mental image of a girl with the Stunning Snatch feat.

Yes I realise how immature I am.

Olaf the Stout