Funniest Moments

[Zappo]

In this particular case, though, there is another thread on the same subject and people probably just post there.

http://www.enworld.org/forums/showthread.php?t=85823&page=1&pp=20

 

[Djeta Thernadier]

In this particular case, though, there is another thread on the same subject and people probably just post there.

http://www.enworld.org/forums/showthread.php?t=85823&page=1&pp=20

That's true. And this thread I started a few weeks ago sort of turned into a funny moments thread...

http://www.enworld.org/forums/showthread.php?t=81307

 

[Kae'Yoss]

Aliens: "We only have small weapons here. We can destroy small planets"

I'm afraid I have to put that into my sig as well.

 

[Kae'Yoss]

Oh, and one of the best stunts ever pulled off in any rpg was done by an obnoxious halfling thief, back in AD&D 2e:

He was trapped in a prison (caught stealing in a brothel he wanted to use to perpetuate a STD...) and tried to break out. First, he got rid of the bars somehow, but then he was faced with a drop of around 100 feet - into the sea, which was not only deep, but cold.

And he jumped.

But the very best part of it: about 3 feet of the surface he remembered that he has a lot of % in climb walls......

He hasn't lived that one down yet.....

 

[Zappo]

I'm afraid I have to put that into my sig as well.

For this, you deserve the full details. That adventure was very funny.

Orbital Air corporation had experimented with a prototype faster-than-light engine in orbit near the dark side of the Moon. Naturally, the experiment went horribly wrong. A "hole" was opened, a section of space several kilometers wide which was superimposed with another distant area of the galaxy. The incredibly costly and massive spacecraft carrying the engine was nowhere to be found. We went through there with a shuttle and found the spaceship on the other side of the "hole", its crew still alive and well but the engine was busted. Near the site, a planet full of alien life, and its moon.

While we were fixing the spaceship, suddenly an object appears on the radar. A huge starship. Like, a hundred times ours, which was one of the biggest spacecraft ever built by humanity.

Turns out that our "accident" with the drive bathed this moon with radiation, killing untold millions of aliens who lived in a colony there. And whose very large and very angry exploration ship was now addressing us.

It's about at this time that the dialogue about weapons took place.

After some amazing diplomacy stunt, which involved me shouting at a higher-ranking OA officer to shut the hell up and pushing him out of his chair, we persuaded the aliens that it was a horrible accident and please do not exterminate our species. The bastards decided to dump us in yet another point in space, with our drive completely wrecked (actually, it may have even simply vanished, I can't remember). Near our position, another massive alien starship, belonging to another species, and apparently inert.

We enter the starship and do some exploring, trying to figure out how it works so that we may get back to Earth. In the command chamber, a party member which should henceforth be referred to as Bloody Stupid (BS) starts toying with the commands to figure out how they work. Shortly after, two blue projectiles leave the starship, heading towards our ship. Surprisingly enough, nothing blows up. Instead, we get on the screens lots of information about our ship, only in an alien tongue.

BS: "I try to push a few symbols, see what happens"
Me: "I don't know if this is a good idea. We should first figure out how to turn this thing away from our science station"
GM: "You see a bunch of yellow dots near the top of the screen, and a bunch of red dots near the bottom"
BS: "I push the yellow dots"
Me: "Don't do it!"
BS: "I do it"
GM: "Two yellow spheres travel from the ship towards the space station. You see two giant fireballs engulfing it. The station breaks in two pieces. Then, the remains seem to be sucked into themselves and vanish into nothingness, save for some bits of debris".
Party: *silence*
Me (I was following a software engineering course back at the time): "Bad design, really. It should have asked for a confirmation password, or at least an 'are you sure? yes/no' box". *

BS was quickly booted from the control room and into a monster-infested area of the starship.

We eventually managed to contact a third alien race. They seized the starship and, with some more amazing diplomacy stunts, we convinced them to put us into a capsule and hyperdrive it to Earth space.

OA CEO: "So you have destroyed our shuttle, and our incredibly costly space station, killing everyone inside it?"
Me: "Uuh... it was an accident. You see, we met these aliens and saved Earth from certain destruction, then they overloaded our drive and sent us to another alien spaceship, where we fought all these horrible creatures..."



* which was exactly the same sentence I used when I accidentally got an emergency capsule, with us inside, ejected from a space station in a previous campaign. I seem to be using it a lot in Cyberpunk.

 

[Samothdm]

Two things that have become long-running jokes in our campaign. Like most "campaign jokes", they're really only funny to the particular group involved at the time.

1) Very first session with a group of mostly newbies but a couple of veterans. One of the vets is playing a 1/2 orc fighter with lots of metal armor (this is important later) and a greatsword. The group is in an underground cellar investigating a murder. The cellar has no natural light source, so they're using torches. Eventually, they hear noises on the floor above them: someome is trying to open up the cellar door above their heads. The group calls for quiet and all get into position in order to capture whoever it is. The 1/2 orc fighter guy crosses over to the bottom of the ladder leading down from the cellar door and stands next to it.

Half-Orc Player: "I'm taking out my greatsword, and standing next to the bottom of the ladder. When the guy climbs down, I'll hit him with my sword. Everyone, extinguish your torches!"

Me: "Are you sure you want to stand at the bottom of the ladder, right underneath the door?"

1/2 Orc Player: "Yes!"

Me: "The door creaks open, and light pours into the room, illuminating a 1/2 orc fighter in metal armor standing at the bottom of the ladder. You see a face peer over into the room, startled by seeing the huge armored warrior at the bottom. He immediately slams the door shut, and everything falls into darkness again."

1/2 Orc Player: "That's not what I meant!"

Maybe not that funny, but 3 years later the player still gets tormented about this.

2) Other veteran player with the absolute best stats in the group decides to play a Paladin. But, he wants him to be a pacifist and so decides that he will only carry a quarterstaff and will spend a full round praying at the start of each combat to find a "peaceful solution". This quickly becomes a bad idea, and the party constantly gets wasted, forcing the player to wade in during battle. In the second or third combat of the campaign, he chased after somebody, caught up to the person and hit the guy with his quarterstaff. He rolled a crit, confirmed it, and did max damage plus his strength bonus, killing the NPC with one hit.

Paladin: "I'm like that guy Mani from that movie Brotherhood of the Wolf! Have you seen it? You know that first scene when it's raining? That's what I'm like!"

Other Player: "But, we're indoors."

So, now, the big joke is that the paladin can't do anything unless it's raining. Again, a 3-year running gag.

 

[Silver Moon]

The single funniest moment in our gaming group did not occur as a result of a gaming situation but rather a snack at the table. In our household my wife and I can never agree on milk, as I prefer the taste of whole milk or 2% while she goes for the healthier skim milk. Consequently, whenever either of us uses milk in a recipe we use the kind that we prefer ourself.

One day, a few weeks after our daughter was born, she cooked up a batch of brownies for the weekly game. After they were served the group began to devour them, complimenting her on how good they tasted. She then said "And they're even healthy for you, because I made them with my milk." As everyone began to either gag or spit out their food she realized what she had said, and quickly explained that she meant skim milk.

 

[milotha]

I posted these a bit ago in another similar thread. Here they are again.

The Annoying Wild Mage

Steve was an annoying wild mage. He annoyed his fellow party members. He annoyed NPCs, but worst of all, he annoyed the GM. As time went on in the campaign, Steve’s character became a walking panoply of wild magic backfires and curses. His shoes squeaked, theme music played in the background, he smelled of elderberries. Steve’s character was headed for what could only be described as a bad end. At one point in a dungeon, our characters encounter an efreeti. My character began to negotiate our way out of the encounter. Steve’s character keeps interrupting. He is trying to trick/talk his way into getting a granted wish. This annoyed the efreeti and my character. At one point without thinking, I turned to Steve and said, “I wish you would just be quiet. You’re going to get us all killed here.” “Your wish is granted!” goes the efreeti gleefully. Poor Steve was permanently silenced. His character was reduced to hand gestures and writing for the rest of his short dungeoning career. A little while later, we encounter a Deck of Many Things. Steve, being a wild mage and having a 50% chance to choose to not encounter a drawn card, decides to draw 4 cards. Thus began the most disastrous series of draws from the Deck of Many Things that I have ever witnessed. First, he is instantly stripped of all possessions, this includes his prized spell book. He failed to avoid it. Then he gained enmity with an outer planes creature- the efreeti. He again failed to avoid it. He is granted 4 wishes, but the GM ruled that they would only be granted once he could speak again. Lastly, he drew dungeon and was instantly whisked away and imprisoned by- you guessed it- the efreeti. It was a text book ending. Note: all of the players including Steve’s player and the GM were rolling around on the floor in stitches at this turn of events.

Dragons and Dummies

After a summer at home, I returned to college and was eager to rejoin my college gaming group. It was my first session back, and the campaign had run a couple of times during the summer. I played a strong, fighter who was intelligent, but really unwise. The GM brought me back in by having my character contacted telepathically by the NPC mage/druid. I am told that the party is in danger. They are fighting a metal dragon, and they need my help immediately. She uses he mirror or mental prowess, and transports me right into the thick of things. (What really going on: The party has befriended a wounded silver dragon. The dragon was wounded in some way that prevented magical healing from working, so it had to rest and was extremely weakened. In addition, they were hunting down a clockwork metal dragon that had accidentally been unleashed on the countryside by some annoying gnomes. They are currently riding in a large metal steam powered cart that is shaped like a dragon. This cart was provided by the gnomes and has no working breaks. The party has tied themselves into the cart using their ropes of entanglement to prevent themselves from falling out.) Enter my character. I witness a large metal shaped dragon that has captured tied down my friends. I can’t hear anything above the racket of the steam powered cart. I proceed to cut the ropes- thus destroying the magic items in my attempt to liberate by captured comrades. The mage finally conveys that they are not captives of this strange metal dragon. OK, at this moment we enter a clearing, where there lies a large wounded silver dragon. My character fails to realize it’s a good dragon and shoots it with a +3 crossbow bolt. Nat 20 for max damage. Almost killing our friend the dragon. The mage yells at me again, and I realize my mistake- too late. Oh well! Now a few minutes later we enter come across the rampaging clockwork dragon. After a long battle, we finally defeat the beastie. Afterwards, my character is forced back to apologize to the dragon, which begrudgingly accepts the apology. The dragon is still in debt to the party and agrees to aid it at some point in the future.
Later in the campaign, many big mean human and orc raiders surround the party. All looks grim for our adventurers, but we concoct a cunning plan that involved using a cursed magic item and a single spell to save our bacon. This plan went the way that all cunning plans of this nature do in the hands of a devious DM. The plan was simple. The priest will cast silence. We will all stand in the silenced area. Meanwhile, the mage will hold the infamous chime of hunger outside the silenced area and ring it. While everyone but us is busy eating ravenously for many rounds, we will run to freedom. Ok, maybe it wasn’t the greatest plan. So, as the mage prepares to ring the chime, I notice our friend the silver dragon flying above the battleground. He has come to save the day. Quickly, I realize that our plan is now a problem. I try to stop the mage by jumping on him, but he rings the bell. At this moment, I turned to the GM and said the dragon is going to eat me. I just know it. He rolls in the open. The dragon fails its magic resistance. It fails its save. He rolls a d100 to determine what the dragon goes after for food. Each person is assigned a single number on the dice. He rolls my exact number. The dragon swoops down, rolls a natural 20. I was toast.


Do Talking Skulls Lie

Sometimes smart players can fail their intelligence checks. Another gaming group I was in encountered a floating talking skull in the middle of the dungeon. The skull claimed that it would answer any yes/ no question put before it. One for each person. Now, we were in one of those complex plot/politics games, so this seemed like a great opportunity to acquire some much needed information. Everyone sat down and tried to figure out what would be the best information to obtain, and one by one we went up and asked the skull. Meanwhile, the Barbarian player, who is a very smart person playing a very dumb and unwise fighter, has been fretting that there is no way to tell if the skull is telling the truth. We figure that there is no real way to determine this, but he is insistent that there must be some logical Alice in Wonderland before the Two Doors type question that will determine if the skull is lying. Finally, the GM turns to him and goes “It’s your turn!” The player goes “I’ve got it!” and asks “Do talking skulls lie?” To which the skull of course replies “No!” Having garnered zero information, the player turned bright red at his own stupidity. We all laughed, and forever afterwards anytime the player said he had a good idea, we asked him “Do talking skulls lie?”

To Hell with the China

At one point in time our low level band of intrepid D&D adventurers was requested to retrieve an item from an abandoned mansion. We knew that something evil lurked on the premises, but we were brave and greedy enough to do the task, being that we had recently lost most of our possessions. As it turned out, the primary wealth of the mansion consisted of antique fine china, silver candelabras, and expensive works of art, fine rugs, and antique furniture. Imagine if you will, a party laden down with everything including the kitchen sink. We are all carrying around armloads full of expensive delicate china, while tiptoeing around trying not to attract attention from the evil that lurked in the place. As luck would have it, one of the mages opens a door to encounter a young little girl. The air is cold and she asks “Can you help me find my dolly?” and reaches for the mage, who wisely backs up and shuts the door. The little girl walks through the door, and at this moment we realize that we are dealing with a spectre. Thus begins the exodous from the mansion. Burdened with all the items, we are moving too slowly to escape the spectre. We all shout in unison “To hell with the china, I’m getting out of here!” We begin jettisoning items as fast as possible. China goes sailing and the GM begins shouting out gold piece values of the lost/destroyed items. Crash! 100 gp in an antique serving platter. Smash! 500 gp Expensive art object. In the end, almost nothing was left of all the loot we had picked up.

 

[Samothdm]

He was trapped in a prison (caught stealing in a brothel he wanted to use to perpetuate a STD...) and tried to break out.

Uh, I'm not sure I want to read about an STD followed by a "break out"...

 

[Kae'Yoss]

Uh, I'm not sure I want to read about an STD followed by a "break out"...

Nonono, the break out was the one of the halfling out of the prison, not that of a sick sickness.
He would have been able to turn that festhall into a distributing box for some nasty surprise for the clientele if he hadn't failed his pick pocket check (and he had 95%....)