Wayside writes,
But 99.99% of gamers are nothing like me. At all. I very rarely go to a FLGS because the people there are generally pretty weak. I don't dismiss their existence, but they aren't like me just because they too own a PHB.
Maybe I move in different circles than you do but I think your opinion of other gamers is a little low. Are you really saying that for every socially successful gamer, there are
ten thousand frothing geeks? My gaming friends are generally sexually active, socially successful people with good jobs who know how to host dinner parties and have large social networks that include people who are successful in business, politics and academic endeavours.
I would suggest that perhaps your problem is that you're confusing people who are gamers with people whose primary identity is their gaming. I would agree that people who primarily define themselves as gamers are more statistically likely to be socially dysfunctional but I have little contact with such people. Instead, I game with people are fun to game with because they have something to bring to gaming from the rest of their lives.
For instance, the friend with whom I game most frequently and I also are known for the parties we put on; every three months, we face the difficult prospect of narrowing down the guest list so that everyone can fit into my friend's house -- our parties are attended by prominent politicians, writers, academics, professionals and businesspeople. People travel for up to 6 hours by ferry to attend the parties we put on and in the summer, when the back patio is useable, we we often see 100 people turn up to our events.
Our gaming circle varies between about 12-20 people who are all socially high-functioning individuals; by your argument, there must be about 12,000-20,000 gamers in Greater Vancouver and they must all be frothing geeks who are nothing like us. I just don't believe that.
I very much agree with you that it would be strange for one's set of fellow gamers to be significantly different from an extension of one's circle of friends. But I've never felt the need to do that. I just don't see why you imagine that the gamers you don't know are so completely different from those you do know.
Of my best friends, less than half are gamers. What we have in common goes far beyond a simple game.
Same here.
I'm actually disturbed by the idea of wanting a gamer/sci-fi/fantasy geek etc. to share your life with. I fully expect that the right person will not conform to any expectations we form in our heads before we've even met them.
But surely, if you met someone attractive, you wouldn't immediately find them less attractive if you found they gamed? Would you?
Hellbender says,
Most of my friends are non-gamers, though most have at least given it a go. If I put conditions on any relationship, I would live in a very small world
Fortunately, hellbender, not one single poster to this thread has suggested that they would only date gamers. This imagined pre-condition to which various people are responding has been stated by no one and supported by no one.
Many gamers in my area are weak as well, many are social malcontents (I do have a couple of minor offenders in the group)....
I don't want to sound like an elitist within a fringe hobby, but many gamers I have met/gamed with are not the people I would normally hang out with. Many of the gamer stereotypes are not that far off, and I am not sure why that is, but that is life.
Well, I think it's time to make that logical leap from "90% of science fiction is crap" to "90% of everything is crap." (I'm sure given the subculture here that someone will chime in with the author of this quotation.) Most people I meet in school, at work and in politics are not people with whom I would want to spend my time. I'm sure if I actually attended gaming conventions, I'd hold the same opinion of the people who attended those. The fact is that most of us are sufficiently selective that we wouldn't want to date/be friends with 90% of the people we met cold anywhere.
I do have a few gamer friends that are also socially adept, we can game or go out and have a few beers, or hike, and I have a few gamer friends that have literally given women hives in their presence.
Well, again, I'm not sure there's any community based around organized social activities that won't produce such people. Political groups, churches and academic programs seem to possess such people in near-equal abundance.
I've engrained into my phsyche over the early stages of my hermit-like life the idea of "Try hard not to offend anyone. Just shut up and things will work out fine." While useful up through Junior High, this has since become a major obstacle when it comes to women, for obvious reasons. 
.
