Gamers who want to date gamers

[Buttercup]

Interesting thread. I wonder if we can keep it from getting closed? Usually when this topic comes up, it goes down in flames by the 2nd page or so.

Anyway, there are a few things I wanted to say. First, why on earth wouldn't a person look for a s.o. who shares their interests and attitudes? My husband & I both like history, science fiction & fantasy, early blues, dogs and (gasp) gaming. We share the same religious and political points of view. When we moved in together, we discovered that about 1/3 of our record collections (I'm dating myself, I know. I really am talking about old vinyl records.) and 1/4 of our book collections overlapped. Now that we've been together for 17 years (married for 14 1/2 of them) our tastes are still similar, and we like that just fine. Actually, I can't imagine spending my life with someone with whom I didn't share interests. What on earth would we talk about?

The second thing I wanted to mention is that all the gaming groups I've DMed or played in included both genders. There hasn't been a single nasty incident. I have no horror stories to tell. So I'm left wondering what the big deal is? I've been assuming that most adults out there know how to behave around members of the opposite sex. I mean, men and women work and play side-by-side pretty much everywhere, this being the western world and all. What's up with the drama?

 

[hellbender]

What's up with the drama?

I never said I had no INTERESTS as my significant other, but our HOBBIES and musical interests are vastly different. We like art, history (she is from Spain, so I get a lot of great history views). We do compliment each other with our differences. I say, why on earth would you want to share all your interests? How limiting! I like seeing into other hobbies and interests. I just think it is lame to look for a 'gamer' significant other. I have dated a lot of great women without putting any conditions on them. The only drama lies in conditions.


hellbender

 

[maddman75]

Personally, I couldn't see a long term relationship with someone who wasn't a gamer. It's a pretty big part of my life, actually. Of course I'm not opposed to short term relationships either, and if someone becomes a gamer then who knows. Not so much as a strict requirement, but if she doesn't 'get' gaming she isn't going to 'get' me.

I have more important requriements, like her being attractive and not crazy.

 

[fusangite]

Buttercup, I basically agree with all of your comments. I have only been in one game in the past 13 years that was not a mixed gender game. I, too, have no nasty incidents to report from this experience. Indeed, women usually have a civilizing effect on the general gaming dynamic.

The only time I was in a group which turned down a female player, it was a highly uncivilized group that wanted to stay uncivilized in the raucous, bawdy, substance-impaired way we'd been playing. I think the GM wished to include a female player so that we might sharpen up to the point where we could reliably follow his plots. However, I really see this case as exceptional.

Most importantly, I really want to agree with Buttercup that it seems, frankly, insane to not want a significant other who shares one's passions. A certain degree of self-loathing seems to be reflected in people viewing a shared interest in gaming as making a potential partner less attractive.

 

[hellbender]

Although I never make any claims to sanity, I wouldn't suggest finding anyone against one's hobbies. Some people here seem to be putting an unhealthy importance to gaming. My girlfriend, and previous girlfriends (which do include a couple of gamers, which was merely coincidence) isn't against rpgs, she was suspicious at first, but she is ok with them now, she is still a bit shaky around some members of the group, but a couple of the guys do have a few social problems.

To me, gaming is like golf to others, it is my time to do my thing, and I know a lot more couples with one avid golfer than two, and they somehow manage to stay together. I know, astounding. My girlfriend's best friend's husband is a model train nut, the wife is driven crazy by it, and you know what? They had a baby! WOW!!
Will wonders never cease. I will stick to my guns by saying that gaming is not that important in life. And definitely no better than most any other hobby or interest. Gamers are not special, not elitist, just people who play a game.


hellbender

 

[Wayside]

Anyway, there are a few things I wanted to say. First, why on earth wouldn't a person look for a s.o. who shares their interests and attitudes?

Because you would be walking around trying to fit square pegs into your circular slot. Which is not to say that you should NOT want a lover who shares your hobbies, only that limiting yourself to those that do is sort of ridiculous.

It's tough on your lover if they were chosen based on a profile that they don't quite conform to in practice. Being a gamer, after all, doesn't automatically make one interesting. Floundering relationships are rife with couples who don't quite fit with their concepts of each other. Making something like gaming a defining characteristic in your search, I think, only hastens this deviation.

I mean, men and women work and play side-by-side pretty much everywhere, this being the western world and all. What's up with the drama?

I imagine a good deal of gamers aren't adults. Junior High and Highschool and even College are FULL of drama.

 

[Morbidity]

Hmmmm against all my better instincts I will post in this thread.

Gamers dating gamers …. Some generic advice from a gamer chick dating a gamer guy.

If they’re in your group think about how much you like your group v’s how much you like the girl/guy. I met my current boyfriend when I joined a group and he was the DM. Him being the DM was a major reason NOT to date him. I loved my gaming group and if we’d dated and split up (I’ve never quite managed the artistry of a civilised break up) then one of us would have to leave the group, since he was the DM that person would likely be me. Since we now both post on all the same message boards if we ever split up rather than dividing children and pets between us we’ll have to divide message boards, gaming groups, gaming books …
Secondly if you date someone you meet when gaming be prepared to discover that the person they actually are is not who their character or their gaming personna is. (I’m still not entirely certain if my boyfriend is in love with me or my cute little gnomish druid.) It was a bit of a shock when my boyfriend and I started dating and although we’d known each other and gamed together for over a year we suddenly discovered that we knew very little about each other and started talking gaming stuff all the time as that was familiar ground rather than doing the usual feel around to find the common interests. Talking gaming stuff all the time gets very boring … it is not enough that they game and they’re rather cute.

 

[edbonny]

Don't get offended, but I thinking that someone seeking anyone out as a potential mate with gaming as a requirement (or even an interest, really) needs help. Go out in the real world and live a little. Don't look for a significant other based on their hobbies. Variety, and learning new things, is the spice of life. I have a beautiful girlfriend of several years who shares basically no hobbies, and not really any musical interest, and we get along great and compliment each other. You should never put requirements or conditions on affairs of the heart.


hellbender

[edited:spelling]

It is a fact that couples who share similar interests last much longer than couples who don't.

 

[Kahuna Burger]

random note - people talk about the horror of dating within a gaming group then breaking up... I'm currently putting together a new gaming group, the core of which is my bf and two exes.

Kahuna burger

 

[Djeta Thernadier]

Don't get offended, but I thinking that someone seeking anyone out as a potential mate with gaming as a requirement (or even an interest, really) needs help. Go out in the real world and live a little

I don't think there is anything wrong with this person seeking out someone they can share a common interest with. I know people who have relationships where they have nothing in common but get along great, and that's fine for them...but for myself, this person and a lot of others, we are happier with someone we can share common interests with. In this case gaming. My boyfriend and I are in a game together, and looking for another one because it's something we like doing together. We have a lot in common.

I have dated people in the past whom I had nothing in common with whatsoever and those relationships , although I wish no ill will upon any of these guys , and I am sure they are "right" for someone, were not very happy, because we never just "hung out together". I know my boyfriends past was the same , dated people who I'm sure are ok people but he had not a lot in common with. I've also dated people who gamed but that was where the similiarity ended, so it didn't work out. So it's not everything, obviously. What I think really makes my boyfriend & I click the way we do is we actually have a lot to do together, gaming, similiar styles of movies, similiar hobbies, as well as similiar outlooks on life. Of course we aren't clones....we do spend a healthy amount of time doing our own thing. But having some stuff in common to start from helps.

Of course, some people are happier having someone who is completely different from them. Depends on what you want a signifigant other for. Do you want someone to share your life with? Or someone who's there but seperate from everything else in your life? Both things are fine. It's a matter of taste.
But, to tell someone they "need help" because they are looking for someone to have fun with doing something they both enjoy seems a bit harsh. Look at personal adds...most people list hobbies, and I'd be willing to be that more than one person who lists something obscure, creative or unique as a hobby, will get someone else's attention who shares that hobby.

Where it goes on from there, who can say? Obviously there are tons of other factors.

My suggestion to the person looking for someone would be to just be honest with people you meet about how much a part gaming plays in your life. If you take out a personal, make sure you list it, front and center. I know if I were looking for a guy and I saw someone had that listed , I'd look twice, because it's something i enjoyed too.

Just my 2 cents...


~Sheri