Gaming Group Anxieties

[CanadienneBacon]

I'm having a hard time resisting posting to this thread and it looks like I'm about to be unsuccessfull in my attempt to avoid it and let it go.

I feel an overwhelming urge to put in here because I used to play for the guy who originated this thread. We played in a Scarred Lands campaign of his for a couple of months. He told us that it was his first time DMing. We all thought he was a great DM and told him as much. When it came time for me to take my annual family vacation, it was agreed upon before I left that we'd all pick up gaming when I got home. Not so! I ended up calling dreaded beast at least three times, left messages on his voicemail all three times over the course of July, August, and then even one extra time in September just to make sure. Dreaded beast, did you know that the group you just so cavalierly shoved off was, in fact, very worried for you? Not only did he not return my phone calls, he did not reply to e-mail. I actually had been thinking to myself all this time that you'd been in a car accident, hospitalized, or worse. Half of me is glad you're alive and well, and the other half is pretty angry that you saw fit to simply ABANDON your gaming group without notice or concern for our game.

I thought we had a great game going. I liked you, liked the campaign, liked your style. I'm at a loss for what happened. I know that I've repeatedly said at our gaming table that I value up-front honesty. I really wish that, if you had a problem with me or with anyone else, or with anything at all, that you'd voiced your opinion. Even if you'd said, "Hey, I just can't make the trip to your house, or I just don't want to game with you anymore..." that would've been far superior, in my eyes, to you taking an absolute powder on the group.

Better luck to you next time. I see you have a new group or groups now. I guess I'm posting to this moldy old thread because all other attempts to get in touch with you were obviously rebuffed.

 

[cincinnati reds]

Take him out for a beer and a game of pool.

Over such small offerings are great friendships forged.

Or something like that.

 

[Xath]

However, there is one player who strikes me as a bit cocky and arrogant. This is the player who has gotten on my nerves. From what I have seen, I think he is the type of player that likes to talk about how great his character is. Sometimes, he would say how his character could beat your character in combat. He also has a tendency to "cut-down" people or make snide comments.

I have a tendency to talk about how my character could beat everyone else's character in combat. However, I play a bard, so that's just not realistic.

It could just be that this guy feels threatened by you. Maybe he's unused to your style of playing or your rp vs. hack and slash ratio. Give him a while to get used to you, try to make nice out of game, and see what happens.

 

[Xath]

I find vicious sarcasm to be helpful when dealing with this sort of person. "What?! Your totally fictional, not-at-all-real character could thrash MY equally nonexistant character? Yes, you are obviously superior to me when it comes to combat - and by 'combat', of course, I mean 'addition and subtraction'. Oh, woe, is me! Your make-believe person will consign my make-believe person to the make-believe grave! Truly, thou art the Reaper of Nerds!"

I would keep this up a LOT until he gets red-faced and looks like he's going to cry and/or start screaming at you. Then do it a little more for good measure. If he DOES cry or scream, then you've gained the upper hand by making him lose his cool. If he doesn't cry or scream, he at least knows that you are unimpressed by his lame boasts.

To me, this seems a bit extreme for a problem that has been going on for only a few sessions...while it is true, i am a huge fan of sarcasm, it's never good to lay into someone like that if you have hopes of making nice with them. Especially if YOU are the newb in the group.

 

[Chimera]

In this group is a player who has started to get on my nerves a little, to the point where I've actually spent time outside of the game thinking about some of the things he has done that bother me, which usually puts me in a bad mood. This is the same reason I left my old group of 4 years.

As a wise man in this thread said, you can only govern yourself.

The first thing you need to do is look within. One of your old players has posted an interesting bit about how you bailed on a previous group without response. Seems a bit of passive-aggressiveness, eh?

Now you've got someone else "getting on your nerves" by boasting and so forth.

So??? Why does it bother you so much that you would walk away? Why did you walk away and refuse to talk to your last group? This seems to be the key. You feel uncomfortable with something, so you abandon the people who made you feel that way. (Do you go through a lot of friends and acquaintences this way? Do you change jobs frequently? These are things to consider!)

Beyond that bit of introspection, the best bet is to ignore it. It is his style of play and really isn't an attack on you. The problem isn't necessarily his behavior, it's your perception of it.

 

[Herpes Cineplex]

FORUM NECROMANCY!!!

Though at least CanadienneBacon had a good reason for unearthing this zombie thread and setting it to lurch randomly around the front page. Judging from the lack of any followup response from dreaded_beast, though, I'm going to guess that he's disappeared on y'all again.

Just on the off chance that he comes back and sees this again, I'll back up Chimera: dreaded_beast, you should definitely stop and consider your own behavior and the way you treat other people. You don't have to be mean about it, just honest. Give yourself credit for the things you do well, but don't let yourself off the hook for the things you're not so good at. (Point of reference: abandoning a gaming group and refusing to even acknowledge them when they try to find out where you've gone is not good. An apology might be a nice thing to try.)

Once you've got your own act together and defused whatever personal dramabombs you've set up around yourself (doing something about this "no sense of humor" thing is an excellent idea, by the way), THEN you can take a fresh look at your possibly-overinsulting gaming buddy and see whether he's targeting you out of real malice or not. Because honestly, there may be no malice there at all; trust me, some people bond with a little invective-laced humor. Okay, maybe not so much after high school, but still! The point is, until you are capable of not taking everything personally and have some command over your own emotions and perceptions, you're never going to be able to really figure out where anyone else is coming from.

If you still can't tell whether he's being malicious, then swallow your anger and your defensiveness and whatever sense of righteous indignation you've been brewing up and just ask him, politely and without rancor, what the deal is. Let him know you're concerned that you seem to be the main target of his insults, and that you'd like it to stop. Be firm, not weepy or angry. And if that doesn't get you somewhere, then be nice about telling the rest of the group (via e-mail, if you can't bear to do it face-to-face) that you're sorry for not being able to game with them anymore...then walk away.

--
apparently there was at least one group who liked you, at least until you blew 'em off
ryan