Gaming with friends, jerks, and reactions

[GreyLord]

I was reading many of the comments over at the thread about banning and...ironically I was thinking about...WOW...what a lot of jerks. I occasionally game with a more passive take...and sometimes game with a very non-passive take. Ironic then that when I am being more passive that according to some I would be a casual gamer and hence be offensive? Some of that information blows my mind. Then I started thinking on it some more today. Perhaps I am a casual gamer?

I have over a thousand books of RPGs, and that's not counting magazines. I am in two or three campaigns that are ongoing. I obviously go to forums that talk about RPGs, some more than others.

I normally don't pay to go to Cons and I normally don't go to Cons and play in games. In fact I normally don't play RPGs with anyone but friends. Since I almost always ONLY play with people I know and friends to begin with...is THAT what qualifies me as a casual gamer?

When looking at other threads about people walking out of games, I found that I would qualify as walking out of one game where the people were jerks. It was a Pathfinder game where two of the people knew that I played 4e (and I also play 3.5 and AD&D...but for some reason that didn't matter to them or cross their minds). They were rather merciless most of the time I was there to ask repeatedly why I'd ever play such a terrible system (actually their words were framed in four letter words that probably would get me banned if I repeated their statements...and at the least the post modified) and all the horrendous (and what I felt uneducated ideas) on 4e. Then they would praise Pathfinder...and then thrash on 4e some more. It was more like they were there to put 4e down then to play Pathfinder. Instead of putting up with it I eventually left. It was one of the groups that I actually tried playing that were a bunch of strangers at first.

I'm not putting a system down here...but thinking on something different. Perhaps the relationship that you have with a group determines the reactions of those in the group. I NEVER have had these problems with friends and gaming with them. I HAVE had these problems with strangers. I have friends in 4e that disallow Tieflings (core race), several classes, and houserule some core concepts (some of the abilities, no coup de graces, etc.). I don't have a problem with them doing that in their campaigns I play in, and hopefully they don't have problems in campaigns I run (I sometimes houserule things like Sunder, or grappling in 3.5, but they already understand these things).

So I'm thinking that these entire problems that people have, either with others banning, or with walking out maybe due in part to them gaming with those who were not originally friends to begin with, but were strangers (strangers can become friends eventually, but the dynamic may be different if you meet via RPGing rather than friendship from the start). So if you game with friends, perhaps you are of a similar or same mind on some concepts, whereas with strangers you are not?

If that is the case, perhaps that's why people would have problems with DM's who are strangers banning things, or problems with others and walking out. On the otherhand, you put up more with your friends, or are of a similar mindset, and so such problems don't really arise?

I'm curious if a majority of those who oppose certain things being banned are more likely to game with strangers or not. It would make sense that if you regularly enter new games that you would want a common basis in the rules, hence banning something by a DM or items in that arena would make you more hostile to the idea. In addition, you stand a higher chance of gaming with people who are jerks, or idiots, or just not really able to jive with your same mindset, and needing to leave due to that.

Now there's no way for me to know ALL they dynamics with who people game with...so the poll is flawed from the start. However I'm curious who people game with.

If you think this is or isn't something that directly relates to your thoughts on how powerful the DM should be with the ban hammer, or how strangers relate to your gaming experiences...please, put some words down about it.

PS: and obviously, some of this stuff is VERY tongue in cheek...so if you're offended by it...well...hmmm....sorry...I think it was Olidmarra, Hextor, and Kord along with the Shoggoth that came to play that put me up to it...

 

[Morrus]

I think all that can be boiled down to a simple observation on the nature of friendship. People become friends naturally with those whose temperament etc. is compatible (not the same as, but compatible with) with their own; major issues of incompatibility therefore are less likely to arise when engaging in a social activity (such as an RPG) with them.

With strangers there is no such pre-selecting compatibility filter.

 

[Goblyn]

Don't let the thread get you down. It was a thread specifically made asking about bad experiences that gamers on ENWorld have had. From a pool off 100, 000 gamers, yeah, there's going to be a lot of bad experiences, but we've all collectively had many more good experiences gaming too(I guess if we hadn't we wouldn't still be gamers; that or we're masochists).

Many good experiences go unposted, while many others do. All story hours, the threads of heroic deaths, famous last words, awesome villains, and hilarious deaths are all stories of good experiences with good groups. And I think they collectively outnumber the 'Your terrible gaming experiences" threads by a large margin.

So, I don't want to come across as condescending or anything; it just isn't all doom and gloom.

I read that thread and agree: What a bunch of jerks!

 

[Tequila Sunrise]

Yeah, I've met haters who just can't imagine that 4e might be a fun game. It's sad how much edition allegiances are like political affiliations.

I think all that can be boiled down to a simple observation on the nature of friendship. People become friends naturally with those whose temperament etc. is compatible (not the same as, but compatible with) with their own; major issues of incompatibility therefore are less likely to arise when engaging in a social activity (such as an RPG) with them.

With strangers there is no such pre-selecting compatibility filter.

Pretty much.

Unfortunately, I've never had enough close friends who are also gamers to have a group of full of them. At best, I've had one good friend in the group, and everyone else become friends as a result of gaming together. Not close friends, but friends.

Or some of them become nuisances. I just had to kick a guy out of my campaign for threatening to sic his dad on me. (He honestly thought I designed house rules specifically to torment him.) Lesson learned: don't invite severe autistics to the table.

 

[Edgewood]

I chose playing with buddies. Despite all of the editions, and genre of games available one thing always stays the same. The fun that we collectively have in playing and the cool stories that are born from those games. Also, I have role playing to thank for the broad spectrum of people I have met and the friends that I have made.

 

[Treebore]

I've often started gaming with complete strangers who went on to become pretty good friends. I've also gamed with people who I ended up wanting to never game with again.

So my experiences have reflected my life in general, I've met people I went on to become friends with, and I have met people I hope to never run into again.

 

[Dice4Hire]

Ask for the best or the worst, and you will get stories about them.

I voted for about a third of the options, but I have played with a group face to face for about 12 years or so with few changes and one of my onlin games has lasted ten years or more now, with a lot of other groups having died on the vine. Overall my gaming has been good.

 

[Ulrick]

I usually game with friends, and we usually do stuff beyond the gaming table. I've only gamed at conventions a couple times--both, I felt, where fun experiences, but its nothing like gaming with friends.

I've had my fair share of gaming with jerks over my 20 years of being in the hobby. (Heck, I'm sure I've been the jerk on a occasion). But, since my time is worth something, I usually bow out games that contain jerks. And, for the games I run, I select my player's carefully.

Now, tying this to the OP, my current group doesn't like 4e. And occasionally we bash it. Because of this, we might come off as jerks to a new player who does. But, we're there to play the game.

However, if a good friend who I knew was a good DM, I'd play 4e without complaint.

One of the most irritating things I've experienced is having prospective players judge me for the gaming system I use. And I wouldn't want to do that to a friend.

 

[SkredlitheOgre]

My first D&D experience was when I was 11 and got invited to my brother-in-law's (sister's husband) group. They were jerks. They were 7 or 8 years older than I was and knew all the rules, while I knew none of them and the group wasn't really interested in explaining things to me. I left after two sessions.

Since then, I've had good luck with gaming groups. I had two groups in college (one Dragonlance and one was Shadowrun, which was never completed, but it was a good group anyway). About 15 years ago, I met this guy and he had brought a TON of GURPS books to work, because he was running a Supers campaign. We got to talking and he invited me in. We would game for a year to a year and a half and the group would split up, only to get together again a couple of years later. So far, I've been in 6 different groups with this same guy as the GM.

About four months ago, I picked up the Pathfinder Core Rulebook and had what I thought was an interesting idea for a campaign, so I called up one of the guys from my previous group who had played PF before and he asked a couple of friends of his to play and tomorrow, we'll be up to six players and me, which I think is pretty awesome.

The only bad experience I've had with another player was in that first Supers campaign, the GM and his roommate (and one of our coworkers) had starting having problems with each other. So, this guy's character (a mage) and mine (a flying brick, basically) were speaking to a dragon in the dragon's cave and rather than question the dragon about what we were supposed to do next, the other guy looks at the GM and says "I shoot it in the eye." I blinked a couple of times and simply said "How fast do I reach top speed?" That's the only time I've ever walked out of a game session, and I only did that after verbally abusing the guy for a couple of minutes. Luckily, after that, the guy left the group and none of us have talked to him since.

 

[delericho]

I mostly game with friends. Every so often, a new member is added to the circle, but they either become friends in fairly short order, or they are uninvited to the game (or I don't go back).

Since 95% * of the enjoyment of the game inevitably comes from the people around the table, in order to have a good game you need a good DM and a bunch of decent players. A single bad player can destroy an otherwise good game. For that reason, I don't game with jerks (at least, not a second time).

* Value from the Office of Made-up Statistics.