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Geek Dating site.
- Thread starter Darklance
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Mordane76 said:
I seemed to recall that symptoms have to last at least two weeks for a diagnosis of clinical depression. I don't believe that anyone feeling sad for longer than two weeks needs medication, but I DO believe that depression is a serious medical issue. I also assume that his friend would ask a doctor or psychiatrist or anyone other than some nut on a message board with too many consonants in his name...
...As far as online dating goes, it's not a magical solution. There ARE nutjobs on the internet but, as everyone here knows, there are nutjobs just about everywhere. "Date from hell" and psychoticly bad relationsip stories predate online dating!
mistergone
First Post
As someone who just got the "let's be friends" speech from a long-distance girlfriend, my opinions here might be skewed. Take with the usual grain of salt and whatever other defenses you put up that make it so you're right and everyone who disagrees with you is wrong. It''ll make it all go down easier.
First, don't tell people what to do or how to be. The initial poster asked for some "geek dating sites" for his friend. It's not your job or mine to make a judgement call on that. It's not our job to give any advice or relate personal experiences. We don't know this guy, it's none of our business. He's not hurting anyone, except maybe himself, and even then, it's still none of our business.
When not telling people what to do or how to be, don't assume what has worked for you will work for them. Just don't. You're not so open minded after all, eh, if you assume that your wisdom applies to everyone. As has been said, we're not all zen jedi mind masters who can sit in the temple and comtemplate the space between our ears for 7 years on end. We, and now I mean specifically gamer-type people that might gather in an online community, are social animals, or we want to be, and if you are here, so are you.
Oh, and also when not telling people what to do or how to be, don't call it "advice" then really just foist your personal views on others and expect them to all nod their heads sagely. Sometimes in giving unwanted advice, you can sound like a jackass. Really, all may be good and fine in your world, but you know what someone hates to hear when they're feeling down? That everything is good and fine in your world. They want the quick-fix to feel better, Yoda, not any of this "do or do not" hokey, and in this case, the guy just wants some online geek dating.
As for "the more you don't look, the more you will find"... what is that bullsh*t? I've heard that crap all my life, and you know what? It ain't the case. Maybe, MAYBE love comes along no matter what, whether you're looking or not, I'll grant that. But maybe it doesn't. Maybe you wait your silly ass and be cool and make like you are zen with the one-ness... then you're 78 and still alone. Yeah, I hope you are okay with your desirelessness. 'Cause you're dieing alone pal.
Just look to nature for all your clues. No, not look like THAT, you freaks. I meann, look at how nature behaves. Animals get together, and sure, often it's to breed and propagate the spcecies, but a lot of animals mate for life. Look at... look at flowers. How sad is a single flower? Isn't a bed of flowers better? Yeah it is. Does just one leaf fall when the season rolls around? No, they all do. Look at the stars, look at the sand, look how like things are together. Is that random, or a mistake? No. Don't you watch movies, or read books, or listen to music? Do you take that in? What do you think our culture is all about? People being together. And what is that based on? Human nature. You know, being human. It's all well and good to stand on your own, be your own person. But you already are your own person. You come that way. Complete package. Oh, but you didn't get here alone.
I dunno, I'm gonna be 32 in a couple months, and I don't want to be alone any more. I've done it. It freaking sucks. And I'm no catch. My picture is in the member gallery, you can see. I'm not even a very nice guy. So yeah, excuse me if I don't practice my desirelessness here. I'm kind of worried about HOW MUCH IT SUCKS TO BE ALONE. No one is meant to be alone, except monsters. Am I a monster? How can I feel good about myself, by myself, when all I really feel like is that no one wants me? Christ, after today, I'm pretty sure no one else will have me.
So don't tell people to not look. Don't tell people to not want. Don't tell people to be more like you. People are not you. You may have your life the way you want it, but a lot of people don't. You're enlightened and happy, we get it. Some of us slouch towards enlightenment and happinesss our whole lives and never get there. Enjoy your blessings quitely, rather than exclaim with disbelief that the rest of us are not as smooth and content as you.
First, don't tell people what to do or how to be. The initial poster asked for some "geek dating sites" for his friend. It's not your job or mine to make a judgement call on that. It's not our job to give any advice or relate personal experiences. We don't know this guy, it's none of our business. He's not hurting anyone, except maybe himself, and even then, it's still none of our business.
When not telling people what to do or how to be, don't assume what has worked for you will work for them. Just don't. You're not so open minded after all, eh, if you assume that your wisdom applies to everyone. As has been said, we're not all zen jedi mind masters who can sit in the temple and comtemplate the space between our ears for 7 years on end. We, and now I mean specifically gamer-type people that might gather in an online community, are social animals, or we want to be, and if you are here, so are you.
Oh, and also when not telling people what to do or how to be, don't call it "advice" then really just foist your personal views on others and expect them to all nod their heads sagely. Sometimes in giving unwanted advice, you can sound like a jackass. Really, all may be good and fine in your world, but you know what someone hates to hear when they're feeling down? That everything is good and fine in your world. They want the quick-fix to feel better, Yoda, not any of this "do or do not" hokey, and in this case, the guy just wants some online geek dating.
As for "the more you don't look, the more you will find"... what is that bullsh*t? I've heard that crap all my life, and you know what? It ain't the case. Maybe, MAYBE love comes along no matter what, whether you're looking or not, I'll grant that. But maybe it doesn't. Maybe you wait your silly ass and be cool and make like you are zen with the one-ness... then you're 78 and still alone. Yeah, I hope you are okay with your desirelessness. 'Cause you're dieing alone pal.
Just look to nature for all your clues. No, not look like THAT, you freaks. I meann, look at how nature behaves. Animals get together, and sure, often it's to breed and propagate the spcecies, but a lot of animals mate for life. Look at... look at flowers. How sad is a single flower? Isn't a bed of flowers better? Yeah it is. Does just one leaf fall when the season rolls around? No, they all do. Look at the stars, look at the sand, look how like things are together. Is that random, or a mistake? No. Don't you watch movies, or read books, or listen to music? Do you take that in? What do you think our culture is all about? People being together. And what is that based on? Human nature. You know, being human. It's all well and good to stand on your own, be your own person. But you already are your own person. You come that way. Complete package. Oh, but you didn't get here alone.
I dunno, I'm gonna be 32 in a couple months, and I don't want to be alone any more. I've done it. It freaking sucks. And I'm no catch. My picture is in the member gallery, you can see. I'm not even a very nice guy. So yeah, excuse me if I don't practice my desirelessness here. I'm kind of worried about HOW MUCH IT SUCKS TO BE ALONE. No one is meant to be alone, except monsters. Am I a monster? How can I feel good about myself, by myself, when all I really feel like is that no one wants me? Christ, after today, I'm pretty sure no one else will have me.
So don't tell people to not look. Don't tell people to not want. Don't tell people to be more like you. People are not you. You may have your life the way you want it, but a lot of people don't. You're enlightened and happy, we get it. Some of us slouch towards enlightenment and happinesss our whole lives and never get there. Enjoy your blessings quitely, rather than exclaim with disbelief that the rest of us are not as smooth and content as you.
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jgbrowning
Hero
mistergone said:
Mistergone,
This is going to be a tough post, but it's probably something you need to hear. As a person who's not much of a catch either (appearance or money wise) I just want to give you a few things to think about.
1. The only thing you know with %100 certainty is that you are alone. You'd better get right with that, because there's only two possible outcomes in your life. Alone or not alone. If your smart, you'll realize that to have the best life you can have you better start being happy alone. If someone comes along great! You're already happy and now you have evenmore reasons to be happy because someone came along.
2. I'm telling you not to want. What you're wanting doesn't come from someone else. Love and happiness come from within, just like anger and bitterness. No one ever makes another person happy or sad. A person does that for themselves. As long as you believe that you can "find" happiness, you'll never find it.
3. If you chose to not get right with being alone, don't expect anyone to care. You're happiness is your responsibility, it's not someone elses.
These are the things I had to realize when I was 26, divorced for 5 years and not dating. I only have one choice in life: Happy or Unhappy. I am not going to be unhappy! ever again. If my wife, suzi, died on me tomorrow, I'd go on after a period of grieving. I'm not going to even let that ruin my happiness, because I'm not going to be unhappy anymore.
When you get to the point of being happy alone, you'll find that you probably won't be alone. Both women and men find independance (fiscally, emotionally) tremendously attractive. And guess what, even if you end up spending the rest of your life alone, you're still happy.
Not bad, huh? It's a win-win choice.
Just because I'm giving you advice that's hard to do, doesn't mean I don't understand the emotions involved. It simply means I'm honestly trying to help by not letting any "reasons," "considerations," "justifications," or "excuses" change my advice. You really only have one choice in life: "happy or unhappy?" Make the right one.
joe b.
Mercule
Adventurer
Okay, my take on the whole "look/don't look" thingy:
Don't completely stop looking. Just don't insist that every person you take to a movie is being interviewed as a potential spouse.
I'm not saying that you should go become a libertine or anything (since I don't condone extramarital sex, that would be an extreme misread). What I am saying is that you should be willing to go out and have a date for the sake of having a fun evening. No strings attached.
It's okay to be open to the possibility of a relationship, but it cannot be the focus of what you're doing.
Everyone that I know who went through a period of "spouse-hunting" only found someone special (not all are married, yet, but most are headed there) after they decided that they should "just date for fun". This applies to myself when I was in my early 20s as well as recently divorced friends in their early 30s and a gamut between. No exceptions.
The other comment I have is that anyone who is determined to find "happiness" externally is doomed. A girlfriend won't make you happy, nor will a spouse, a better job, a good D&D game, or more hair (for we bald-folk who appear to be getting picked on). You can enjoy external things, but none of them can make you happy or sad in a lasting sense.
Oh, and I think the two ideas are related. If you're going after someone with your claws out, ready to cling to them, they'll sense it. And it will scare them away.
Don't completely stop looking. Just don't insist that every person you take to a movie is being interviewed as a potential spouse.
I'm not saying that you should go become a libertine or anything (since I don't condone extramarital sex, that would be an extreme misread). What I am saying is that you should be willing to go out and have a date for the sake of having a fun evening. No strings attached.
It's okay to be open to the possibility of a relationship, but it cannot be the focus of what you're doing.
Everyone that I know who went through a period of "spouse-hunting" only found someone special (not all are married, yet, but most are headed there) after they decided that they should "just date for fun". This applies to myself when I was in my early 20s as well as recently divorced friends in their early 30s and a gamut between. No exceptions.
The other comment I have is that anyone who is determined to find "happiness" externally is doomed. A girlfriend won't make you happy, nor will a spouse, a better job, a good D&D game, or more hair (for we bald-folk who appear to be getting picked on). You can enjoy external things, but none of them can make you happy or sad in a lasting sense.
Oh, and I think the two ideas are related. If you're going after someone with your claws out, ready to cling to them, they'll sense it. And it will scare them away.
Hida Bukkorosu
First Post
in all seriousness, how are you supposed to be happy being alone when being alone means you aren't getting any?
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