Gimble Or Devis?

Which Iconic Bard Is Best?

  • Gimble

    Votes: 105 42.2%
  • Devis

    Votes: 144 57.8%


log in or register to remove this ad


What are you thinking, voting for Gimble over Devis. Devis is smooth, suave, and made the Epic Handbook.

Gimble is a) a gnome, surely the most useless race in all of D&D, and b) his only trick seems to be to balance a pointy object on his finger. That's a good plan, G. Don't you need those fingers for something?

Gnomes are lame, and I have NO idea what WoTC was thinking giving them the bard preferred class. Devis all the way.
 

KidCthulhu I know you play a dazzling half-elf bard yourself, but Nolin has good hair. Devis has a mullet.

WotC could obviously no longer support such wretched hair.

I hope Mialee's resume is up to date, as she is surely next.
 


Gimble! gnomes rule everyday of the week, and twice on sundays. who needs a fop like devis around when you have the waist-high goodness fo gimble to look upon?
 

Actually, Half-Elves are clearly the most useless race in the PHB, with only slight competition from the Half-Orc. And Gimble takes the lead by five! The crowd goes wild!
 

Alright, I go on vacation for a couple days and Devis decides to start something. Meanwhile, Hennet makes some kind of "goat" comment that just explodes. This is a mess.

I do not think I shall respond to Devis' bitterly jealous comments; after all, any old burrowing animal provides a far more interesting conversation than that venereally hyperactive sod.

As to this goat controversy...

What can I say? I've tried and tried and tried to discourage these perpetual public inquiries into my sex life, but you tall folk shall never be sated.

I try to avoid the artists' cliche of singing about lost loves, but sometimes....

Sometimes, you just have to wonder...

Is this my real love?
Is this a barnyard beast?
Look down in my hand,
To find a letter creased.

Reading the words,
My broken heart turns to grief.
She's just a halfling,
Don't dare call her a thief.

Because she's easy come, easy go,
Lidda my little rogue
Whatever shape he made you,
Doesn't really matter to me,
to me.

Lidda, how could this man
Put a wand up to your throat
Speak a word and you're a goat.

Lidda, our love had just begun,
But now he's tried to take it all away.

Liddaaaaaaaa ooo ooo ooo

This mage is gonna die.
If I'm not back again this time tomorrow,
Just graze on, just graze on.
The danger doesn't matter...

Broken.
That spell he used.
Turns his henchmen into trolls
And strikes the love in our young souls.

Polymorph Other has got to go!
Gotta get replaced to stop all the abuse.

Liddaaaaaa oooo ooo oooo
Please don't begin to cry,
To nerf this spell I'd pay any cost at all.

I'll write a memo to the D&D execs!

You're a fool! You're a fool!
Polymorph is very balanced!

Fireballs and lightning
Don't do much to frighten me.
Save or die now! Save or die now!
Save or die now! Save or die now! Buff your friends!
It so bro-o-oken.

I've got an idea that you can't refuse

You don't have anything that we would ever use,
Spare us your words, from your silly little muse

Money waits, I will tell,
If you nerf that spell.

You listen well, we will not nerf that spell!
Let him tell!
You listen well, we will not nerf that spell!
Let him tell!
We will not, we will not nerf that spell!
Let me tell!
Will not nerf that spell!
Let me tell!
Will not nerf that spell!
Oh let me tell.

O alright then O alright then
O alright then let him tell
What do you know
That could make tons and tons of money,
money,
money?

Since the core books sales have come to an end,
Why don't you just revise them and sell them again?

Oh, Gimble! That's a swell idea Gimble!
We'll just throw Devis out, and put you right into his place.

Oooo yeah Oooo yeah
Only Lidda matters
Anyone can see
Only Lidda matters, to me!


-Revisionist Rhapsody, by Gimble the Iconic Bard

Well, that's it...

Now you know the whole sad story: the goat, the revision, and me.
 



Remove ads

Top