Gut-feelings and new players

[BlueBlackRed]

We have a potential new player joining our game tonight and my gut is telling me he's a waste of time.

Usually I want to give someone the benefit of the doubt, but doing do previously has never ended as well as I'd hoped.
My gut has notified me in the same way twice before, both with not-so-good results.

One involved someone I worked with and knew may not be good fit, but at the time we were desperate for players. Within a month he was pushing for us to stop playing our year long campaign and start anew. When we did, he stated that he had made the diplomat character so he would be the one to talk AND DECIDE things for the group because we had not listened to his ideas in the previous campaign (with good reason).
I killed the game and later we rebooted without him.

The second involved your standard ADHD spaz who just wanted to socialize and talk about cartoons and slacker-related topics (he was 28 and living with his mom, we're mostly over 30 with kids). The first session with him went well and he had enthusiasm, but the ADHD was obvious and present. Over time it got worse and worse and he expected us to work around his problems rather than make it easy for us to deal with him. He eventually quit after we made it clear to him that we were done with treating him special.

There have been others that didn't make it pass the screening process.
- The guy who wanted to join us, but only as the DM and he had a bunch of home brew rules because D&D didn't have enough rules I guess.
- The guy who wanted us to "unlearn the evils of 3rd edition" and return to the holy land that is 2E. We gave him a 2-word answer.

So tell me, has your gut-feeling ever been wrong about a new player?

 

[Nifft]

It's hard to answer that -- if my gut tells me not to bother with someone, I frequently don't game with that person. Thus, there are a few "gut tingles" -> bad experiences, but very few "gut says HELL NO" -> good experiences.

I'd like to think my gut is right...

-- N

 

[Halivar]

This whole "gaming with complete strangers" thing is alien to me. Why would you want to game with someone who isn't a friend?

 

[Nifft]

This whole "gaming with complete strangers" thing is alien to me. Why would you want to game with someone who isn't a friend?

"Look, mang, the party needs a Cleric. Are you going to play one?"
"Nope."
"Okay let's look for another player."

-- N, a guy who only has 1d4 gaming friends any given week

 

[Merkuri]

This whole "gaming with complete strangers" thing is alien to me. Why would you want to game with someone who isn't a friend?

Some people game with strangers as a way to make friends.

Some people end up in a new town where the people we befriend think D&D is a game for teens with huge glasses and no social skills sitting in their basement. I don't know if it's just me, but the folks I end up friends with are usually not at my "level" of geekiness and don't appreciate things like D&D. If I want to game, I generally have to do it with strangers. My gaming experience is pretty much all online gaming with people I've never met.

To get back to the topic at hand, I'm not a DM, but in the current campaign we have going I've had "bad feelings" about every dud who wandered into our campaign. The DM gives them the benefit of the doubt (and I tend to agree that people should be given a chance), but you can pretty much tell within the first two sessions who really cares about the game and who's gonna drop out eventually.

We have a rule in our campaign where if you're absent (or late enough to be considered absent) for three games you're out, but good excuse and a good track record can erase those absenses. I've been able to predict all but once which players were gonna get booted and I suspect the DM can too, but he waits until they cross that line to officially show them the door.

 

[SpiderMonkey]

I probably wouldn't game with someone I had a "gut feeling" about. I think the power of human intuition in regards to other people is pretty significant, and I recall some study mentioning that people's first impression is usually in sync with their impression after knowing the person for some time.

I have gamed with strangers before when I've moved to a new town; good first impression=good later experience. Bad impression=bad experience.

Trust your instincts!

 

[BlueBlackRed]

This whole "gaming with complete strangers" thing is alien to me. Why would you want to game with someone who isn't a friend?

Not everyone has the easiest access to a large pool of players that the already know.
Sometimes you have to take a chance.

Most people I game with anymore started off as strangers and became friends.

You can usually tell through e-mail what someone is like, and a short phone conversation usually supports that.
Sometimes you get those people you're not too sure about either way and have nothing solid to say "no" on.

If someone sent up solid warning signs (talks in leet speak or mentions a restraining order) the conversation stops there.
I don't invite crazy into my or my friends' house. Nothing can kill a game quicker than a freaked out wife...

 

[Anti-Sean]

I usually get a pretty good read of people when I meet them. Unfortunately, I worry that I can often give off the wrong impression.

For instance, in the game I'm joining tonight, the DM seems a little weirded out by me, and was sort of hesitant about letting me join the game. Hopefully I can win him over with the plethora of Monty Python jokes that I'll make every few minutes during the game. I hope he's as much of an anime fan as I am, cause I could talk about that stuff all night!

Maybe I should just talk about my extensive collection of swords and knives instead...

 

[merelycompetent]

So tell me, has your gut-feeling ever been wrong about a new player?

Nope, not me. I've made the mistake of allowing myself to be talked into overruling my gut-feeling, but I've always had a following "I-told-you-so" conversation with my telempathic digestive tract.

I understand, and even experience first-hand, the need to give everyone a fair chance. So just to make sure that, in over three decades, my gut-feeling isn't wrong this one time, I do the following:

1. Campaigns are by invitation only. This helps prevent the "My friend is here for the weekend and wants to play" syndrome.

2. If you want an invite, you have to sit in on three sessions, minimum, as a spectator. This ensures that a) the person is really interested in playing, b) gives them a chance to check us out and make sure they're not going to be bored to tears, c) gives us a chance to check the person out and spot most problems before they blow up in our faces, and d) gives everyone a gradual introduction to a potential new friend rather than dumping them all together at the table.

3. If everything goes fine in my opinion, I ask the existing players their opinion. Yes, I may decide No, Not In My Game before asking the players. That's part of the social contract for playing in the game I'm running - I can deny someone a seat at the table. By the same token, if even *one* of the players says, No, I don't want to play with the new person, then that's that. I value my players' trust. And I trust them to tell me if they've got a problem that affects their enjoyment of the game.

4. If the players say OK, an invitation is extended, along with a copy of the House Rules, Table Rules, and writeup of what I expect as a DM. I want to set the expectations for good manners, good play, and good gaming up front. This is based on the principle that not everyone has the same background, so it's unfair to expect them to follow a standard they don't know about.

5. Exceptions: I run one-shots, events, and open games on occasion. Anyone with an interest is invited to these, with preference given to new players or new gamers. It makes for good recruiting, and introduces new people to the hobby.

With all of this, it has only reinforced my gut-feeling. It has also prevented trouble when my gut-feeling is on vacation at a Carribean beach, and isn't answering its cell phone.

 

[xnosipjpqmhd]

When the player wants a Drizzt-clone PC, is that a warning sign?