Help me build the worst characters ever conceived for a drunken one-shot adventure

[SteelDraco]

A warforged druid who can't use any class features because he's made of metal.

 

[Living Legend]

Planescape (2e) themed:

A frat boy bariaur 1 shot away from blacking out

A barbarian modron

A yugoloth who's weapons get smaller every time he lies

An aasimar with tourettes who feels compelled to stop and say a prayer every time he swears

 

[Aramax]

Whamo the imaginary mage-all 3s except int 18,only knows 1 spell fireball but always rolls 1s on damage

 

[Wild Gazebo]

A tourist named Twoflower.

 

[Mercutio01]

a bard ventriloquist with a dummy - the catch being that the dummy is "Awakened" and the ventriloquist is actually a polymorphed housecat.

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

An Awakened Purple Squirrel Bard.

Purple squirrel captured in Pennsylvania | MNN - Mother Nature Network

He plays a funny shaped yellow Lute and prefers to be called "Dauphin" or "The Artist"...