Help with Players! Suggestions Welcome

[DarrenGMiller]

Greetings! I am relatively new here, since I have only really been posting for the past two weeks or so, but I "know" some of you from other places online.

I have a player problem and I would love suggestions from other DM's here.

Two of my players have a conflict. We have been gaming together for several years and in a desire not to hurt each other's feelings, they are not going to discuss it with each other. Heck, one of them does not even admit there is a problem. The other one is probably going to quit because he can no longer stand being in a game with the other player.

Neither of them are bad players and neither of them are really hurting the game. The only real problem I have other than I am probably going to lose a good player over this (who was going to be leaving the area in about 8 months anyway), is that the other player involved does tend to constantly point out rules that he thinks are broken or shouldn't work the way they do (see my posts in another thread). He thinks 2E was better and would like to see some of those rules incorporated. He also comes from the White Wolf - Vampire, etc. background where most of my players are either younger and 3.x is their first system, or they have come from a strong 1E/2E background. This matters because the current campaign is intended to be strongly classic D&D flavor a la 1E with Temple of Elemental Evil and several Necromancer games products used.

There are no real specific situations I can give you on why the player is aggravated enough to quit. It really spans several campaigns and the evolution of their relationship. We have had several VERY abbreviated campaigns (in the 2-3 month range) lately and I am trying to get one to last for a while, especially since I am really enjoying this campaign.

Some food for thought:

1. What do you think is the difference in groups who were friends before they gamed together and groups that are only friends because they game together?

2. What are the advantages/disadvantages of a long-standing group that plays in a home vs. a somewhat transient group that games in a FLGS?

My group has been gaming together mostly since about 2002 (one player since 2000). We are pretty much only friends because we game together and would probably not stay friends for long if the gaming stopped. We mostly only met because earlier incarnations of my group met at a FLGS and now we haved moved to a player's home (but have other venues available if need arises) since late 2002/early 2003. We have had very little player transition/new blood since the move out of the gaming store.

Okay, enough of my rambling. Thanks for any and all helpful comments.

DM

 

[Buttercup]

First off, welcome!

Now, as for your player problems, have you talked to the players individually? The one who is constantly complaining that some other system/rule set/version is better would get on my nerves too. Were he my player, I'd tell him to give it a rest.

You said that they don't want to hurt each other's feelings, but that one of them is so annoyed he's probably going to quit. I'd say the time is past for sparing feelings--they're already hurt. I'd insist that they sit down to gether, with you as mediator, and talk out their issues in as non-accusatory a manner as possible. ("When you do X I feel like Y", instead of "You're such a ****ing scum bag, why don't you die!") Sweeping the problems under the rug is obviously not working.

I play in two games, and DM a third. The game I DM and one of the games I play in have some overlap of players. We travel in the same social circle, and most of us knew each other before hand. The other game I play in is at the FLGS, and I think it's unlikely that I'd ever see most of those folks again if the campaign broke up. The DM would be the only exception--he posts here, and I imagine we'd find a way to game together again at some point.

 

[DarrenGMiller]

First off, welcome!

Now, as for your player problems, have you talked to the players individually? The one who is constantly complaining that some other system/rule set/version is better would get on my nerves too. Were he my player, I'd tell him to give it a rest.

You said that they don't want to hurt each other's feelings, but that one of them is so annoyed he's probably going to quit. I'd say the time is past for sparing feelings--they're already hurt. I'd insist that they sit down to gether, with you as mediator, and talk out their issues in as non-accusatory a manner as possible. ("When you do X I feel like Y", instead of "You're such a ****ing scum bag, why don't you die!") Sweeping the problems under the rug is obviously not working.
/QUOTE]

They have had the discussion (a few months ago with myself and another player present), but it has failed to change the player that is annoying the other and it has failed to do more than postpone the inevitable apparently.

Thanks for your reply and assistance, as well as feedback on the "food for thought".

DM

 

[Keeper of Secrets]

I am slightly confused about what is going on but I will try and give some advice.

First, what is it that is the problem between the two people? Does it have something to do with cruel statements (like making fun of their weight) or does it have to do with someone taking someone else's girlfriend?

I did see the comment about one of the players thinking that 2e was better. This kind of tells me that there is something seriously wrong with the guy to begin with. 3e may not be the end-all, be-all but it is still better than 2e.

Depending on the rift between the two players they may be a way to salvage it and then again there may not be. Not sure.

 

[Jdvn1]

When we had two people that couldn't stand each other, we just started up multiple games. And the two of them were never in the same game.

 

[DarrenGMiller]

Well, we met and got the two players together. There was MUCH more to it than even I knew. I think things are going to work out eventually. I think the group will be closer for it. I really have much more respect now for both of the players in question, as well as another who spent almost the entire day with me helping to bring this thing to some closure.

DM

 

[Stone Angel]

If the player has a genral beef with the 3.x system and likes the old 2e better big deal. If he is slowing down the game causing another player discomfort then that is a problem. Tell the first player to keep his comments to himself. If you want to house rule something have everyone sit down and really think if the rule needs to be changed other than the sake of it being in 3e.

I also am having a little trouble understanding exactly what the problem is, other than being genrally annoying, is this the one reason the other player is leaving? Are the other players bothered, are you? Just because the other player leaves probably doesn't mean that he will stop talking about 2e and a rule compromise.

Take everyone out to lunch and discuss this openly, try to get it all out. That way you can quell any other fires that may have started as well. Every group has to clean house now and then so don't feel bad.

Welcome to the boards and good luck!

The Seraph of Earth and Stone

 

[Patman21967]

To answer your other questions....The group I game with has been together for 15+years. We have become best of friends. Many have come and gone from our group, but the 4 core players still remain, with the addition of 1 guys fiance, who he met gaming with other friends.

I think gaming at a home is much more comfortable, less distracting, and promotes an overall sense of friendship more.

i'll tell you what we used to do, maybe this would help, if you don't do it already...socialize outside the game...go out for some beers, pizza, football, whatever. Have everyone come over a 45 minutes early, and have dinner together...I think for a game to work, and if you want it to be long lasting, I think you need to be friends outside of gaming

As to the guy complaining, tell him to GM then, or to go play 2e...There are alot of games I like better than 3e, for a variety of reasons, but it's about camaraderie,a nd having fun.....Oh and spending money on worthless books

 

[Sado]

Kill them and take their stuff.

 

[JoeGKushner]

Let's see... about five months ago, a buddy was GMing a Scarred Lands campaign.

One guy, dude a doesn't like another for something that happened like two years ago in the game. Dude a keeps going on about how he's just waiting for dude b to screw up and how he's goign to stick it to him. GM does one big fantastic battle and stops GMing.

I pick up. I try to run a heroic Forgotten Realms campaign. He makes a chaotic neutral character and I allow it only because he's going to 'work' it into the game. He's a good rolepayer so I figure why not. He doesn't. Keeps trying to turn the game into a dark, gritty mercenary bit. One day Dude a decides he's going to smoke some weed instead of play his character. Tells Dude c to play his character. Character gets killed. Dude a freaks out and go on and on about how he's been scrwed.

I stopped GMing him.

If he wants to play or another person wants to GM him, I'm cool with it. I just got tired of telling him Campaign is based on A. All the other players are into it, and him making appropriate character for campaign Y because it's effecting his ability to roleplay.

One of my friends since the mid 90's but I've got better things to do than argue with him about gaming styles. We watch anime and play some X-box games but for RPGs, no way.