Azure Trance
First Post
The last time I visited this site and actively consumed its contents was so long ago, it feels like I was a wholly different person. Three to four years ago, RPGs - with AD&D, and then D&D3.0 in particular - was a strong focus in my life. The escapism it offered me since middle school was the reward of a boundless imagination, made of a thousand stories running through at once. Watching a movie or reading a book would only add to the potential, as I cobbled different parts together in my (whatever it was at the time) campaign.
I enjoyed being the DM, and didn't really understand why people wanted to be players. Sure, I liked playing too, but as a DM I could play all of the ones I wanted to, and while a player only played the same one all night, I could play as a dozen! I guessed I was the only one who saw that benefit, but I wasn't about to spill the beans on the power this position gave. And yet as the DM, I knew my skills were lacking. I wanted the characters to be more real, the story more great, and the players - well, the players to have more fun. But I couldn't do it all. I didn't find pre-made campaigns or adventures that exciting, because for the most part I wasn't able to relate. Great, you have a plot, but I want my plot that I made (The one exception is the Underdark Campaign. I don't know why, but I fell in love with it). Of course despite having all the time in the world, especially in comparison to now, I never prepared enough. Characters were never that well-fleshed out beyond their stats. The storys were simplistic, with a weak hook. I would've loved to do a political thriller but knew that I stuck with combat climaxes for a reason. I tried to play off the sore spots with systems and rules, many of which I got from ENWorld circa 2001. I thought it added to the detail, but looking back on it the players probably hated the minutae and didn't really care about these realisticly elegant (read: wierd) damage systems I found.
I handed in my imaginary D&D members card after my 2nd year of college, when I stopped visiting the campus sci-fi club, and unconciously thought I wouldn't look back. D&Ds prime position in my heart was overtaken for the most part by war strategy games - preferably grand ones, with research, economics, and strategy, such as Hearts of Iron 2. I shifted my imagination from building D&D worlds to balancing the resources of the British empire against the Japanese and Germans on land, sea, and air. And so for the next few years, the only time I ever looked at my hugely ginormous RPG book collection (I counted it once. The MSRP was, like $3-5 grand) was when I wanted to use their gaming rule systems as a reference for my own gaming system.
Sometimes, I envision how it would be like to make the ultimate MMO strategy game, and how much fun people would have playing it, politicking with one another as they resource grab with starships/tanks/knights for neutronium/stalingrad/the holy grail. Maybe it would play like MOO2 with Homeworld, or HOI2 with Transport Tycoon. Last year, I got on a real kick and rented out 30-40 books from my college library. I thought they were relevant in helping my make "The Best Game Ever" with topics on medieval economics, italian banking, the growth of nations, religion in all its medieval aspects (how a cathedral was built, how the rich paid for shrines, how the reformation rocked Europe based on difference of doctrine), nobility and their role in a court, resources, boats and their construction, shipping, trade, and especially books on warfare with prices for knights and their lackeys, the size of armies, and tactics of the time. (Incidentally, I was late returning them. The late fee was over $100) I referenced D20 a lot, and began to reminesce. The desire to play slowly grew, until I finally called up the only person I know who still plays a few months ago and asked to join his game, any game, because I felt the need to RPG. It turned out our schedules conflicted and eventually I saw that I couldn't have really afforded the time anyway because I was too busy getting my soul crushed by school. I doubted I was going to play again because I would be too busy with 'real life' obligations.
And yet for some reason, tonight I thought on how much fun I could still have, partially because of how much less of a sucky DM I would be (I'd like to think!
) I've learned many new things and had many new experiences in this world from both school and my personal life, and figure hell, at least I know what I could do for an imaginary one. Topics I used to think were not so relevant suddenly make sense as books and movies turn from boring to insightful with hidden meaning and I see how my previous two-dimensional characters and (you know it was a railroad at heart) adventures can suddenly gain that insubstantive essence which makes it real. I've read sociology, psychology, philosophy, post-modernism, and deconstructionism. I'm more familiar on the influence of factors such as socioeconomics, "race", ethnicity, culture, and class. Even the sexes get attention as the male-female dynamic shows many disparities and unusual relations, from roles following social norms to the power of fertility and its affect on a womans agency. That I somehow know all this (I don't claim to be an expert on any of these though) makes me realize I could make a kickass campaign with both single and multi-session plots, capable of making it personal for the character on a very wide and deep level.
I want high-level characters on an epic quest to question if they truly have free will or fate, with everything at stake. I want a cleric or paladin to rise up the church ranks and become entrenched in its hierarchy as something once simple and good becomes perverted with power as its realized that power comes from control of heretics. I want allies to do terrible things in the name of friendship and the common man to do terrible things in the name of gold. The capability to make characters with realistic motivations and relationships means that the conflicts with others, or themselves, can rival that of your favorite movie - only in your own story. I think that the best campaign you can give a player is one where he has to make a choice between doing what's right, doing what's wrong, and doing what he wants, any of which may not even lead to the traditional happy ending - but then again, how many of your favorite stories end like that either?
I enjoyed being the DM, and didn't really understand why people wanted to be players. Sure, I liked playing too, but as a DM I could play all of the ones I wanted to, and while a player only played the same one all night, I could play as a dozen! I guessed I was the only one who saw that benefit, but I wasn't about to spill the beans on the power this position gave. And yet as the DM, I knew my skills were lacking. I wanted the characters to be more real, the story more great, and the players - well, the players to have more fun. But I couldn't do it all. I didn't find pre-made campaigns or adventures that exciting, because for the most part I wasn't able to relate. Great, you have a plot, but I want my plot that I made (The one exception is the Underdark Campaign. I don't know why, but I fell in love with it). Of course despite having all the time in the world, especially in comparison to now, I never prepared enough. Characters were never that well-fleshed out beyond their stats. The storys were simplistic, with a weak hook. I would've loved to do a political thriller but knew that I stuck with combat climaxes for a reason. I tried to play off the sore spots with systems and rules, many of which I got from ENWorld circa 2001. I thought it added to the detail, but looking back on it the players probably hated the minutae and didn't really care about these realisticly elegant (read: wierd) damage systems I found.
I handed in my imaginary D&D members card after my 2nd year of college, when I stopped visiting the campus sci-fi club, and unconciously thought I wouldn't look back. D&Ds prime position in my heart was overtaken for the most part by war strategy games - preferably grand ones, with research, economics, and strategy, such as Hearts of Iron 2. I shifted my imagination from building D&D worlds to balancing the resources of the British empire against the Japanese and Germans on land, sea, and air. And so for the next few years, the only time I ever looked at my hugely ginormous RPG book collection (I counted it once. The MSRP was, like $3-5 grand) was when I wanted to use their gaming rule systems as a reference for my own gaming system.
Sometimes, I envision how it would be like to make the ultimate MMO strategy game, and how much fun people would have playing it, politicking with one another as they resource grab with starships/tanks/knights for neutronium/stalingrad/the holy grail. Maybe it would play like MOO2 with Homeworld, or HOI2 with Transport Tycoon. Last year, I got on a real kick and rented out 30-40 books from my college library. I thought they were relevant in helping my make "The Best Game Ever" with topics on medieval economics, italian banking, the growth of nations, religion in all its medieval aspects (how a cathedral was built, how the rich paid for shrines, how the reformation rocked Europe based on difference of doctrine), nobility and their role in a court, resources, boats and their construction, shipping, trade, and especially books on warfare with prices for knights and their lackeys, the size of armies, and tactics of the time. (Incidentally, I was late returning them. The late fee was over $100) I referenced D20 a lot, and began to reminesce. The desire to play slowly grew, until I finally called up the only person I know who still plays a few months ago and asked to join his game, any game, because I felt the need to RPG. It turned out our schedules conflicted and eventually I saw that I couldn't have really afforded the time anyway because I was too busy getting my soul crushed by school. I doubted I was going to play again because I would be too busy with 'real life' obligations.
And yet for some reason, tonight I thought on how much fun I could still have, partially because of how much less of a sucky DM I would be (I'd like to think!
) I've learned many new things and had many new experiences in this world from both school and my personal life, and figure hell, at least I know what I could do for an imaginary one. Topics I used to think were not so relevant suddenly make sense as books and movies turn from boring to insightful with hidden meaning and I see how my previous two-dimensional characters and (you know it was a railroad at heart) adventures can suddenly gain that insubstantive essence which makes it real. I've read sociology, psychology, philosophy, post-modernism, and deconstructionism. I'm more familiar on the influence of factors such as socioeconomics, "race", ethnicity, culture, and class. Even the sexes get attention as the male-female dynamic shows many disparities and unusual relations, from roles following social norms to the power of fertility and its affect on a womans agency. That I somehow know all this (I don't claim to be an expert on any of these though) makes me realize I could make a kickass campaign with both single and multi-session plots, capable of making it personal for the character on a very wide and deep level. I want high-level characters on an epic quest to question if they truly have free will or fate, with everything at stake. I want a cleric or paladin to rise up the church ranks and become entrenched in its hierarchy as something once simple and good becomes perverted with power as its realized that power comes from control of heretics. I want allies to do terrible things in the name of friendship and the common man to do terrible things in the name of gold. The capability to make characters with realistic motivations and relationships means that the conflicts with others, or themselves, can rival that of your favorite movie - only in your own story. I think that the best campaign you can give a player is one where he has to make a choice between doing what's right, doing what's wrong, and doing what he wants, any of which may not even lead to the traditional happy ending - but then again, how many of your favorite stories end like that either?
