Well, I rented this movie the other night.(free coupon mind you) I'm a sucker for zombie movies. I knew it was going to be bad, but I wasn't prepared for this.
That was total flaming crap on a stick. It was crap so bad that if it was lit on fire and thrown on your porch you would let your house burn down before you touched it.
No spoiler tags for this. Having it spoiled can't ruin crap.
They stole scenes from all sorts of movies. Jaws the swimming at the begining. Matrix over and over again. Every single action movie ever where the heroes slow motion dive away from an explosion. Heck they even ripped off Lord of the Rings. When the one guy is running away from zombies through the woods he jumps over a ledge and hides in the roots of a tree. Exactly like Frodo and company hiding from the Black Rider. The stupid zombie even stops over him and looks around.
Putting video game footage in the movie, why? I could maybe concieve of a way to do this, but why would you want to. They used it as a scene change. It had absolutely nothing to do with what was going on. We would see a shot of the coast of the island and then it would show some video game footage and then we would be looking at a scene of the boat. Where does the need for video game footage of someone getting hit by a zombie come into that. Just use a wipe or a jump cut or something.
How to ruin an action scene.
Step 1. Right in the middle of the scene show a 360 degree zoomed in twirling shot of the character shooting. Mind you this shot has nothing to do with the scene since the zombies the character was fighting before the shot is absent from the twirly shot.
Step 2. Repeat for all of the main characters.
Step 3. Add rap music that has nothing to do with a fight scene. There is rap that will work in a fight scene. This isn't it.
Step 4. When someone dies show another 360 twirly shot of the person standing and fade to red. Mind you this is a zombie movie and zombies are getting blown to bits, but for some reason we don't really get to see the main characters get killed.
Step 5. Give a character in a moment of need a weird increasing in speed possibly seizure inducing flash back. A flash back that includes scenes that the character wasn't present for and that haven't happened yet. Essentially just play the whole movie as fast as possible. To be truthfull if I had a flashback like that anyone I was going to save would be zombie lunch too.
Step 6. This is the most important one. Don't forget this, all of you would be filmakers out there.
When a zombie throws an axe at you(Zombie mind you) always and I repeat always jump as high in the air as you can and make sure to enter bullet time with matrix twirly action to get the best possible aim you can. Remember this! Always it is important.
Step 7. If you haven't ruined your action scene yet add more matrixy film shots that are too far zoomed in. Throw a few weirdly explosive grenades for no real reason other than to have some explosions. Make sure to have the asian person do kung fu. All asian people know kung fu, even little miss Kwan at the grocery store, take advantage of this when casting your movie. Asian people=free kung fu stunt guys.
What was trully wrong with this movie was that they needed an editor with balls. Obviously the editor was scared of the director and couldn't tell him no. If you take this pile of crap and re-edit it, take out all the weird cuts and things the director obviously thought made this movie cool, then you would have a mediocre zombie movie. Anyone with a forebrain could edit this into a passable zombie movie. Mind you it would still be woefully bad, but infinitely better.
Having a character in the movie talk about George Romero's classic zombie trilogy does not make your movie better. It makes the director look worse. He knows what a good zombie movie is, but yet still made this movie.
Rant over, for now, I guess.
That was total flaming crap on a stick. It was crap so bad that if it was lit on fire and thrown on your porch you would let your house burn down before you touched it.
No spoiler tags for this. Having it spoiled can't ruin crap.
They stole scenes from all sorts of movies. Jaws the swimming at the begining. Matrix over and over again. Every single action movie ever where the heroes slow motion dive away from an explosion. Heck they even ripped off Lord of the Rings. When the one guy is running away from zombies through the woods he jumps over a ledge and hides in the roots of a tree. Exactly like Frodo and company hiding from the Black Rider. The stupid zombie even stops over him and looks around.
Putting video game footage in the movie, why? I could maybe concieve of a way to do this, but why would you want to. They used it as a scene change. It had absolutely nothing to do with what was going on. We would see a shot of the coast of the island and then it would show some video game footage and then we would be looking at a scene of the boat. Where does the need for video game footage of someone getting hit by a zombie come into that. Just use a wipe or a jump cut or something.
How to ruin an action scene.
Step 1. Right in the middle of the scene show a 360 degree zoomed in twirling shot of the character shooting. Mind you this shot has nothing to do with the scene since the zombies the character was fighting before the shot is absent from the twirly shot.
Step 2. Repeat for all of the main characters.
Step 3. Add rap music that has nothing to do with a fight scene. There is rap that will work in a fight scene. This isn't it.
Step 4. When someone dies show another 360 twirly shot of the person standing and fade to red. Mind you this is a zombie movie and zombies are getting blown to bits, but for some reason we don't really get to see the main characters get killed.
Step 5. Give a character in a moment of need a weird increasing in speed possibly seizure inducing flash back. A flash back that includes scenes that the character wasn't present for and that haven't happened yet. Essentially just play the whole movie as fast as possible. To be truthfull if I had a flashback like that anyone I was going to save would be zombie lunch too.
Step 6. This is the most important one. Don't forget this, all of you would be filmakers out there.
When a zombie throws an axe at you(Zombie mind you) always and I repeat always jump as high in the air as you can and make sure to enter bullet time with matrix twirly action to get the best possible aim you can. Remember this! Always it is important.
Step 7. If you haven't ruined your action scene yet add more matrixy film shots that are too far zoomed in. Throw a few weirdly explosive grenades for no real reason other than to have some explosions. Make sure to have the asian person do kung fu. All asian people know kung fu, even little miss Kwan at the grocery store, take advantage of this when casting your movie. Asian people=free kung fu stunt guys.
What was trully wrong with this movie was that they needed an editor with balls. Obviously the editor was scared of the director and couldn't tell him no. If you take this pile of crap and re-edit it, take out all the weird cuts and things the director obviously thought made this movie cool, then you would have a mediocre zombie movie. Anyone with a forebrain could edit this into a passable zombie movie. Mind you it would still be woefully bad, but infinitely better.
Having a character in the movie talk about George Romero's classic zombie trilogy does not make your movie better. It makes the director look worse. He knows what a good zombie movie is, but yet still made this movie.
Rant over, for now, I guess.
