How do I bow out of the game gracefully?

[Aus_Snow]

New DM! New DM!

In a nice way. . .

 

[Turanil]

Thank you for the advice so far.

I've edited the OP to clarify the commute time. It's 2 hours total travel time and a weeknight game. We are all married, some of us with kids. I live the furthest away and moving the game to another house wouldn't help with the travel time.

The game is a sand-box style set-up. We can wander where ever we want. It's just that nothing is fleshed out, the NPC's we encounter are as two-dimensional as they come, what roleplaying we do is entirely PC driven. Fights seem very ad-hoc with monsters plucked at random from the monster manual. The game world is populated by epic level characters and based on a computer game MMO world. Because the DM has nothing prepared he pads the game out so that I wind up with 20 minutes of fun in 3 hours of game.

Here's an isolated adventure to give you an idea on why I'm not enjoying things. 3 sessions ago we played through an adventure based around the TV show 'Gladiator' and the Aus show 'it's a Knock-out.' The DM loves these programs and you could tell he really enjoyed running the game. I didn't have the heart to spoil his fun by pointing out our characters should be adventuring rather than hitting lvl 20 Barbarians off greased poles with pillows, or running the gladiator 'Gauntlett'. Most adventures are not like this but they are close.

In a case like this I am absolutely unable to leave the game gracefully... But I quit for sure, and quickly!

 

[WizarDru]

The game is a sand-box style set-up. We can wander where ever we want. It's just that nothing is fleshed out, the NPC's we encounter are as two-dimensional as they come, what roleplaying we do is entirely PC driven. Fights seem very ad-hoc with monsters plucked at random from the monster manual. The game world is populated by epic level characters and based on a computer game MMO world. Because the DM has nothing prepared he pads the game out so that I wind up with 20 minutes of fun in 3 hours of game.

Speaking as a gaming dad myself, I feel your pain. I'm not the only player with a family, and most of my players are married or in relationships. Some commute anywhere from 30 to 45 minutes distant to get to my house to game. We sometimes play on a Friday, sometimes on a Saturday. Discussion has occurred about Day games (our original motivation was working around the kid's sleep schedules, which is no longer a factor with my children being 7 and 10).

I told you that so I can tell you this: IMHO, your DM is failing his obligation, unless all the other players enjoy his style. Calling it a sandbox game is one thing...but it sounds like there really aren't any plot hooks for the players to follow up on, and that's unfortunate. It's one thing to say that the players will guide the campaign...I'm all for that. It's what I do in my games. But the players usually need a framework or some options to choose from. Even the best sandbox games (such as the GTA series, Mercenaries, Assassin's Creed, Mass Effect, Wallace and Gromit: Curese of the Wererabbit, Hulk: Ultimate Destruction, etc.) have some core story that the player(s) can latch on to and direct or approach from their own perspective. But if no meta-plot is presented at all, it comes across as lazy.

I respect the fact that my players commit to a weekly game and take time out of their busy schedules and lives to game with my group. It's my job, as DM, to consider my player's fun when providing them with a game for us all to enjoy. When one of my players announced he wanted to become the mayor of the city in which that game took place, my inclination is to let him, if that's what he wants. By that simple decision, he's shaped the campaign: now I present obstacles and compelling characters for him to work with. A sandbox is only a workable proposition if you have the sandbox DETAILED at some level, so that consistency plays a role. If the city suddenly had a political ruling body one week and a duke the next, that would be jarring and irritating to the players.

As a father of two, I understand how it can be time-consuming to create and run a campaign. I don't consider it a valid excuse to use for not putting any effort into a game, however. Companies like Paizo provide high quality, relatively inexpensive materials in the form of modules and campaign settings that can make a DM's life very easy, while still providing him the necessary tools to make an interesting game. For that matter, just purchasing the DMG II would get you the setting of the town of Saltmarsh, whose every entry drips with adventure possibilities for the heroes willing to reach out and grab them.

In short, I think you need to gracefully bow out and explain that the combination of commute and your general lack of enthusiasm for the game lately makes it a difficult proposition to maintain, because it's just not to your taste. I wouldn't be rude and I wouldn't be dishonest. Just be matter of fact and let the issue handle itself.

 

[Flynn]

Out of curiosity, Monkey Boy, what would the DM's reaction be if you bought him an adventure and asked him to run it for you guys? That might give everyone a taste of an adventure structure and give him a model to build his own stuff on.

I personally would leave, using the commute as my reason, but if you can't bring yourself to leave, this might be another option for you.

With Regards,
Flynn

 

[Nebulous]

Why not try the digital game? Even before the DDI comes out there are plenty of computer based GM controlled platforms you can use. They even have voice chat. now, it's not my preferred way to game (i've never tried it actually) but i know people who use and enjoy it.

 

[Queen_Dopplepopolis]

With Christmas right around the corner, I'd try to alleviate the problem by buying the GM a really awesome adventure (Say, the first Pathfinder?) and encouraging him to run it.

If you're set on leaving and these people are your friends, tell them the truth.

 

[Flynn]

Why not try the digital game? Even before the DDI comes out there are plenty of computer based GM controlled platforms you can use. They even have voice chat. now, it's not my preferred way to game (i've never tried it actually) but i know people who use and enjoy it.

Playing online using an electronic tabletop such as Fantasy Grounds, along with a good Voice-Over-IP app such as Teamspeak, goes a long way towards letting you game from home, with no commute and a large group of potential players to fall back on. It's almost as fast as Face-To-Face gaming, and I've even considered running a campaign under those conditions just to get people that like the off-the-wall systems I occasionally like to try. The biggest handicap for me is simply making the maps for use in the session. I'm just not comfortable with doing graphics work. There are products out there, of course, that offer some basics for you, though.

With Regards,
Flynn

 

[Carpe DM]

There's a lot of good advice here, I won't repeat it.

What I do want to point out is that you clearly love D&D and enjoy your friends. As far as I can tell, you drive two hours on a weeknight to play in the single crappiest game I've heard tell of.

People like you either DM, or quit and try to maintain contact with the friends.

So, some alternatives. Some of these are good. Some are bad. I'm just thinking out loud to give you options.

1. Munchkin card game. The card game is a ball, goes well with B&B (brews & buddies), and gives you that old first edition kill-the-monster, loot-your-buddy feel.

2. Compete. Run a game that night "for a break," and see if the other players don't enjoy that one more.

3. Don't communicate. I know, Oprah says communication is for the win. But she's wrong. Negative communication with friends is a terrible idea. Communication will just make the DM pissed and sad, and you will end up losing the goodwill you need to get the DM to be a player in your Munchkin or alternative D&D game. So communication is not a good option if you stay, and communication is not necessary if you go. Save communication for your wife, your kids, and the cops (once you've lawyered up).

4. Offer to help. If it's a sandbox game, then switching up DMs couldn't hurt. The DM doesn't have time to prep, he may want the help.

5. Bring your wife. Ask your friends to bring their wives. I don't know why that may change things, but it was a thought I had. The tables with women at them are just different somehow. We almost always play now with a group of married couples.

6. Exercise the power of a player. Good players are baby DMs. Do you have a story you want to tell? Start having your character search for the hook that will take you there. The GM needs material. Feed it to him.

7. Play a MMORPG. It's a community, and it will break you of your need for the other community. I don't recommend this, but it will work, and the way you will know it will work is when you don't care about the pen and paper game any more.

best of luck,

Carpe

 

[scourger]

It is hard to replace friendships, but friendship is a two-way street. Do whatever you do tactfully. Here are a couple of examples from our group that may help you.

We have a player who lives 1 hour away. He plays over a computer most of the time. Cameras on both sides, internet phone, whatever the technophiles set up. It's not as good as hiving him live, but it is better than not at all. It's kind of special now when he does drive over.

Another guy took a break of about 2 or 2 & 1/2 years. He's back now, mainly because we're playing his game again. I think it's kind of selfish on his part to only show up for what he wants, but I tolerate it because he's a friend. But, when I'm ready to run a different game again (as I am now), I won't let his lack of participation deter me.

I hope these examples help.

It also seems like I am less & less tolerant of unfun games as I get older and have more demands on my time (like a child). I am jealous of my time now. When my current game doesn't do it for me, I think long & hard about whether to continue.

 

[Tewligan]

Hm - how is this:

Another guy took a break of about 2 or 2 & 1/2 years. He's back now, mainly because we're playing his game again. I think it's kind of selfish on his part to only show up for what he wants

different from this?

It also seems like I am less & less tolerant of unfun games as I get older and have more demands on my time (like a child). I am jealous of my time now. When my current game doesn't do it for me, I think long & hard about whether to continue.

Maybe the friend in question doesn't enjoy the games that aren't his preferred system, and also parcels out his time carefully.