How do I bow out of the game gracefully?

[Monkey Boy]

Hi guys, I'm hoping you can give me some advice -

I've been playing with a small group of friends for 4 years. For the last couple of months the games have been 20 minutes of fun in 3 hours. I spend 2 hours total commuting to play and return home feeling like I have wasted my time. Due to family commitments we play weeknights.

I go to sessions more out of a sense of loyalty than anything else. If I leave the group it will probably collapse given its small size. Some of the group live for DnD so quitting messes them around. I feel guilty for leaving them in the lurch as they are friends. The problem is that I am not enjoying it and haven't for months. I want to leave.

How do I bow out of the game gracefully?

Cheers

 

[Edena_of_Neith]

From Edena_of_Neith to Monkey Boy

(very solemnly)

Monkey Boy, my name is Edena_of_Neith. Since you have asked, my I give my advice to you?

Cherish your friends. I swear to you from hard experience that friends are something to cherish, something to hold onto, something to fight for.
You say you drive 2 hours there, and 2 hours back, for them? *You* are certainly their friend ... and I sincerely, really, really hope they are as much your friend as you have shown yourself to be theirs.

Don't give them up.

Stop the game. Tell them you're having no fun. Tell them things have changed (as they inevitably do) and that you are not having fun.
Then - if they are willing - try a new approach. A new game of D&D? A new roleplaying game altogether? A new type of game altogether? Perhaps, a whole different interaction between the group involving sports, getaways, and other fun activities?

But don't give them up. Not if you can help it. Cherish your friends. Friendship is so hard to attain in this world, and it is so easily lost.
You have a whole group of friends, with the potential for IMMENSE joy and fun. It may not be in that game, or in D&D at all, or even in roleplaying at all, but they are friends, and friends working together have a million options for fun and good times.

Don't go on being bored and enduring the lack of fun. Talk to them. Ask for change. See if they will accommodate you. See if you and they can work things out. And maybe try something new. Because I know from personal experience just HOW MUCH joy and fun and delight can come from a group effort. Trust me when I say it is immense.

Cherish your friends.

Yours Sincerely
Edena_of_Neith

 

[palleomortis]

Strap 1,000 lbs of alchamist fire to your chest, badda-bing!

Perhaps suggest moving the game closer to you. If they have to travel as far, maybe they'll realize that they are wasting so much time, and the game will improve for everyone.

 

[BeauNiddle]

I agree with Edena - try a change of pace before ruining the group.

I joined a group that had been playing for a decade or so. Everybody turned up out of loyalty but nobody was really enjoying themselves. Since I was a new boy they agreed to try different games and it reinvigorated the whole group.

Try a different style of game. WFRP is good for grim'n'gritty, Savage Worlds (50 Fathoms) is good for swashbuckling. You could try C&C, Iron Heroes, etc.

You could take advantage of 4th ed and ask to run some one shots with characters from Tome of Battle and all the latest D&D books. Maybe even try the new Star Wars edition

Work out what it is that is limiting your enjoyment of the game. Have you worn out your current character - will changing to a new one wake you up again? Has the party settled into a Standard Operating Procedure that robs the sessions of mystery? Has the group levelled outside your comfort zone so you spend all your time checking rules / doing calculations?

Once you know the main thing that irritates you discuss it with the DM / rest of the group. They may feel the same.

(bewarned - once you work out what irritates you, if you don't manage to change it you'll start to feel worse about the group)

 

[kensanata]

Cherish your friends.

Friends come and go. Enemies accumulate.

I agree with Edena. I somehow have a hard time imagining a table full of people having fun except for you. They must have felt something similar. If so, they'll immediately realize that the group is in a low once you put it into words. And they'll nod and mumble and say they saw it coming and how they used to have more fun when they were younger... No problem. Take a break. Bring a console, bring a board game, rotate GM, play a series of one-shots. You didn't say why you were not having fun anymore, so it's hard to be more specific...

 

[ivocaliban]

Assuming you've assigned yourself to this course of action (and I agree with Edena_of_Neith that you might want to reconsider) I would say the best way to leave the game is just be up front about it and give the group ample notice before leaving. Perhaps you can reach a point in the storyline where your character can depart from the group for his/her own reasons. Or you might try to work something out with the DM to have your character sacrifice himself/herself for the sake of the party. Go out with a bang, as it were.

Whatever you do, don't leave the group in the lurch. Don't just stop showing up or cancelling every game day or just saying "I'm quitting" out of the blue during a session. Who knows, with a little time to prepare, the group might even survive your departure.

 

[Aus_Snow]

Damn.

I was going to [probably mis]quote someone (I can't remember who) and say '1..2..3..C&C!' but alas, I am a little late. :\

Even so, it might actually be worth trying something that runs faster/smoother. Another pop fave of the week/month/year is Savage Worlds, f'rex.

 

[MrFilthyIke]

I was going to [probably mis]quote someone (I can't remember who) and say '1..2..3..C&C!'

I lol'ed

 

[Aus_Snow]

3..2..1, maybe.

Um yeah, that looks better.


On a more serious note, what's the problem with the RPG experience nowadays, Monkey Boy? What's wrong or lacking?

 

[billd91]

That is one harsh commute for 3 hours of gaming. I would hope that the other players would be understanding if you had to leave the group on that basis alone.
It's all well and good to say cherish your friends, but there comes a time when relationships change. With a long commute, you have every right to find other ways to keep in touch (particularly if you're dealing with gas prices). Discuss how hard it is to make the game these days and see if anyone has an alternative among the group. Others might have similar feelings that the game needs a shake-up.