How do you ease girlfriend into gaming?

[Felix]

So the gf knows about the DnD hobby. She's read a lot of the literature, so she's familiar with magic, elves, orcs and mysterious ruins. Since we're both fairly busy (she works at a PI firm and I coach crew - 4:45 am! -l) spending time together either rowing or gaming makes sense so we can see each other not only immediately before collapsing into sleep.

My DM said she'd be welcome at the game, but not necessarily as a regular player - yet. 7 players is hard to coordinate, and we've had trouble with games getting too big.

So the question is: how do you introduce her to the rules and the institutions of the game without freaking her out or overwhelming her? Do you run a mock-up 1-on-1 session? Make a few characters? Take her through your own construction of a character? What've you done?

 

[Crothian]

First see if she wants to. Then assuming she does talk about the types of game you and your group play and see if it sounds fun to her. And then assuming all that works out ease her into the game. How one does that depends on the person being introduced to the game. Some people I give a rule book to and they read and learn it themselves. Others are better with someone teaching them and showing them how it is done.

 

[Felix]

First see if she wants to.

I suppose I should say that she has expressed an interest in learning how to play.

 

[borc killer]

First see if she wants to.

If she does not ask to I would not push it at all. If she asks build some characters and run a few mock combats. If she seems truly interested then bring her in... if she seems interested only because you are, then only bad things can come of it and I would find other time to spend with her.

 

[Oryan77]

I got my fiance into D&D and she's been playing for 4 years now. She doesn't even read fantasy novels or really care about fantasy movies. She just asked me about D&D and was curious about the roleplaying part.

Don't overwhelm her at all. Whenever I show any new player how to play D&D, I always start off with character creation first. I don't like just handing them a premaid character. I quickly show them the core races & classes and then ask them, "Which class did you think sounded the coolest?" Then I ask them, "If you played as that class, what race do you see that person as?" I don't even worry about whether or not that race works best for that class. New players don't care about balance issues. You want them to get into that character and showing them how their creation is underpowered compared to other options will only ruin their excitment about the game.

Then let them roll the dice to come up with ability scores. Rolling dice is more fun than just doing a point buy. It will give the player an idea of what to expect in the game (that dice will be rolled a lot for important things...and that's part of the fun).

Quickly show them the weapons & armor and let them pick a couple things from the list that can be used for their class. Depending on their class, ask them if they think it would be funner to do "this", or "that", or "maybe this" (you're referring to skills). Unless they tell you about a specific idea in mind about their character, I wouldn't even worry about feats. For spells, just ask them if they want to hurt people, make people do things, buff people, or what. Then quickly select a few spells for them to use.

Then jump right into the game. A solo session is good, but I think having 1 person for the new player to play with is better. They'll probably form a bond with that other player and if she joins the group, her character will probably buddy up with that players character and they'll have a closer relationship in the game and at the table. I definately wouldn't throw the new player in a average size group. That will intimidate her and make her worry too much about what she's doing with her character, "I don't want to cause your guys characters to die".

With my fiance, I ran Sunless Citadel and it worked great. She started off with 2 NPC sidekicks for about 2 sessions. Then another player joined us and I got rid of the 2 NPCs. Two sessions later I had a full group of 4 players playing with her.

After 1 session, she'll have a better idea about how to play and what D&D is all about. That's when I sit down with the new player again and we finalize the PC and make it all legit.

Never force them to read the PHB early on. Let them decide to read it on their own. Mainly, you want to make D&D seem easy and fun. It's really easy to overwhelm a player and you don't want to scare them away.

 

[blargney the second]

Ooo, the ultimate geek challenge: have your game & SO too!

I recently pulled it off to great success. Here's how I did it:
1) Made her watch LotR with me on my birthday. (she won't refuse b-day requests)
2) Got her to like playing games with a fantasy feel. Munchkin, Settlers of Catan, Three-Dragon Ante, D&D miniatures, etc.
3) Had her come up with a character concept (personality, interests, preferred fighting style, special abilities). I had her draw on things like movies, books, and video games for inspiration. She's a writing major, so she really got into it.
4) Made that character for her in the simplest way possible. Bent a few rules to make it more fun for her.
5) Ran her on a solo adventure.
6) Used another birthday request to get her to play with the group. (I straightened out the bent rules while keeping the essentials of the character the same.)

The rest was history. She's getting to be a pretty hardcore geek now - it's awesome!
-blarg

 

[Crothian]

The rest was history. She's getting to be a pretty hardcore geek now - it's awesome!
-blarg

It's all good till that fateful night where she says:

"Not tonight dear, I have to work on my character!"

 

[Ry]

Don't force it. I have been with my SO (now wife) for 10 years now, and she doesn't game. But she loves to hear the games, hear the stories, talk about them with me, and she even makes mountains of food to entice my players to show up on time. It's bliss.

As for advice, I'd suggest something like a True20 scenario (putting Hitpoints back in, the damage track is needlessly complicated).

 

[Oryan77]

If she asks build some characters and run a few mock combats.

I would not suggest going at it that way. Girls enjoy different things from D&D than guys do. Most still like the combat, but I've DMed a lot of women and the thing that really pulls them into the game is the roleplaying scenarios.

Do very little combat at first. Some new players (especially girls who aren't gamers) don't like to hurt people in imaginary worlds (at first). Run a town or city scenario and do some standard bar room stuff. Have the drunk guy keep flirting with her and being rude. Introduce the NPCs that are the hook for the adventure so she has some friendly contacts right away. After a little roleplaying banter, have the drunk guy interupt and insult the PC. Try to turn it into a fist fight...use some drunk women if it works better. Maybe those women think the PC is flirting with their drunk boyfriends. Don't go for any killing so soon...let the PC knock someone out. But definately focus on a lot of roleplaying.

Basically let the PC get away with a lot of things at first so she'll feel like a bigshot. If that means she knocks out 3 drunken bullies and you have to fudge dice rolls, let it happen. If the new player feels like her PC is cool...she'll definately be playing again.

 

[Crothian]

I would not suggest going at it that way. Girls enjoy different things from D&D than guys do. Most still like the combat, but I've DMed a lot of women and the thing that really pulls them into the game is the roleplaying scenarios.

Some girls do. Others like combat more then the guys I know. It depends on the woman which is why I kept things general. I assume the OP knows her pretty well so he needs to do what she will enjoy.