How do you ease girlfriend into gaming?

[blargney the second]

It's all good till that fateful night where she says:

"Not tonight dear, I have to work on my character!"

*laugh*

 

[RavenSinger]

I would have to second much of what Oryan suggests. I have recently gotten my GF into playing D&D with two of my other friends. I would say the key is to find what it is (other than being with you) she finds interesting about the game. If it is combat, then mock combats would be great. If it is the RP, then you can play up the character and background creation. I would also suggest you put together a small 3-4 session campaign for her so that she can understand exactly how her character works before bringing her into the larger game. Large groups of experienced players can be intimidating for any new player (male or female), so I would be sensitive to that. Also, I realize that you may not control the demographics of your large group, but if your GF is the the only female in the room, I would be sensitive to that as well.

Good luck, and let us know how it goes!
--RS

 

[Friadoc]

So the question is: how do you introduce her to the rules and the institutions of the game without freaking her out or overwhelming her? Do you run a mock-up 1-on-1 session? Make a few characters? Take her through your own construction of a character? What've you done?

Easiest introduction, in my opinion, to role-playing games is character generation. Not only is it a simple methodology in showing how the rules apply to your character, as well as how they work, but it is also a way to plant the seed for understanding the rules.

See, making a character establishes a connection, which motivates you to knowing how the system works, as it is applied to your character.

Now most people would recommend starting a new player with a fighter, however I would suggest letting her pick her own class, as I think it helps them figure out the rules.

In fact, that's how I introduced my fiancee, at the time girlfriend, to the game (she play tested 3rd Edition with us). Now she's a civil engineer who, to quote who, had creativity hammered out of her brain by her studies, but she picked up the game really quick and was role-playing, in character, rather quickly as she tossed dice across the table.

Once you find the aspect of the game that engages the newcomer, the rest is pretty much easy and comes right along as you get the character finished and start playing.

As for first sessions, either bringing her to the group for her first shot, or doing 1 on 1s would work. If you do 1 on 1s, I recommend using one of the pre-gens/mostly complete characters at the end of every class.

It'll make for a good intro, but with less chance of growing attached to the character. Thusly you can avoid her brining over stuff from the test sessions to the main ones.

Anyhow, I hope this helps you out.

 

[Queen_Dopplepopolis]

Hey! I was "that girl" once! So - here are my thoughts on the issue...

Step 1: Keep it simple.

Don't get mega-uper-complicated. My first character was WAY RIDICULOUS. Couple leves of Druid, Ranger, and something else. I don't remember the specifics, but I do remember that I couldn't understand any of it when it came time to play.

As such, I'd start at level 1. Go through character creation together and then play through an adventure with her 1-on-1 so she gets comfortable with it. One of my biggest problems was being "scared" the gamers would think I was stupid - some 1-on-1 time makes it easy to cross that bridge.


Step 2: Keep it as normal as possible.

Stick with something iconic. It's easy to relate to and won't make her uncomfortable. Kill some orcs, take their stuff.


Step 3: Level up together!

Once you're done with the adventure, show her how to level up. No one ever showed me how and then the gaming group would end up doing it in the middle of a session or at the end... and I was too shy to say, "Hey - I don't know how to do this." Caused me a lot of frustration and I tried to do it myself. Messed up my numbers and then got called out for bad math by a rules lawyer. Felt totally stupid. Almost turned me off to gaming.


Step 4: Don't be weird when you game.

Once you've been playing for a while, if it's logical for your characters to strike up a romance, go for it. However, just because she's your gf doesn't mean your characters need to hook up. Trust me, it's weird for everyone.

Also, don't give her any sort of special treatment unless it's appropriate in character. Treat her character like the rest of the players.

These two things will help reduce friction between you, your gf, and long-time players that almost inevitably arise when "the girlfriend" comes to play. That friction can, and has, ripped apart gaming groups around the world.


Step 5: Be patient as she learns the rules.

Don't let a rules lawyer get all up in her business, but be sure to correct her when she breaks the ruels. There's a happy medium somewhere between total jack-hole and way-too-relaxed. Find it and stick to it. Nothing sucks more than being the new girl at the gaming table and having people snap at you for not taking your AoO or adding your dex bonus to damage or whatever it is you're doing wrong.


Step 6: If she doesn't like it, don't pressure her.

If it's not her cup of tea, don't push it on her. Let her know that she can tell you if she does, or does not, like the game. Sadly, it's not for everyone so prepare yourself.

 

[Queen_Dopplepopolis]

Do very little combat at first. Some new players (especially girls who aren't gamers) don't like to hurt people in imaginary worlds (at first). Run a town or city scenario and do some standard bar room stuff. Have the drunk guy keep flirting with her and being rude. Introduce the NPCs that are the hook for the adventure so she has some friendly contacts right away. After a little roleplaying banter, have the drunk guy interupt and insult the PC. Try to turn it into a fist fight...use some drunk women if it works better. Maybe those women think the PC is flirting with their drunk boyfriends. Don't go for any killing so soon...let the PC knock someone out. But definately focus on a lot of roleplaying.

Basically let the PC get away with a lot of things at first so she'll feel like a bigshot. If that means she knocks out 3 drunken bullies and you have to fudge dice rolls, let it happen. If the new player feels like her PC is cool...she'll definately be playing again.

Wow. I couldn't disagree with the above any more!

First, role playing can be very uncomfortable for new players - especially if they're a little timid about playing to begin with! It's best to save the RP for once you have established relationships with your fellow players and are comfortable enough with your character to engage it in.

Second, drunk guy flirting obnoxiously with the PC can also make a new player - especially a female player - very uncomfortable. Drunk fist-fight with other chicks, while potentially more comfortable, could really come across as creepy and weird. And the creepy and weird factor would only increase if the adventure was being run by a guy. There's only so many "CHICK FIGHT! THAT'S SO HOT!" a woman can take.

Sure you want to establish some reason for the combat, but having it be something that is so easily identifiable as personally, unquestioningly off-putting is just bad practice.

I've gotta say, were that to have happened in my first session, I probably never would have come back.

Lastly, giving a new player the spotlight can do a lot for building esteem and making her want to come back, but it does little to show her what the game is really about. It's about sharing the spotlight, collective story telling, and heroic ass kicking.

I mean, if her character is going to die in her first session, there's something to be said for fudging the dice, but you want her to feel like a part of the group and avoid setting a standard for unequal treatment. And that goes for any player, not just the chicks.

 

[NCSUCodeMonkey]

Don't let a rules lawyer get all up in her business, but be sure to correct her when she breaks the ruels. There's a happy medium somewhere between total jack-hole and way-too-relaxed. Find it and stick to it. Nothing sucks more than being the new girl at the gaming table and having people snap at you for not taking your AoO or adding your dex bonus to damage or whatever it is you're doing wrong.

I can't stress this one enough. When my wife and I were first gaming together, there was a guy at the table who used to nitpick every decision that she made, and fly off the handle every time she forgot a rule. Thing is, he didn't do it to anyone else. I think this behavior is probably really common, and you'll know it when you see it. There's a difference between the guy, or gal, who is usually a Tactician in Robin Laws speak, telling everyone where to stand and how to maximize bonuses (that's what I do ) and the guy who's telling your SO that she's doing everything wrong and "Why can't you just learn the rules?!" And yeah, he actually said that.

I think the biggest thing to entice a SO into gaming is to do what you would to entice anyone else, regardless of gender. Game with people that are fun to hang out with, people that you would go to the movies with if you weren't gaming. My wife is happiest when she's gaming with people who are just decent human beings. Then again, my wife is a self proclaimed Nerd, so maybe I had it easy. She asked me if she could play D&D, and stuck through the weird-GM-who-smoked-and-used-chewing-tobacco, the annoying-yelling-why-don't-you-do-this player, and more off color jokes than I can count (though she probably made 1/3 of them).

Good Luck!

 

[Thunderfoot]

It's all good till that fateful night where she says:

"Not tonight dear, I have to work on my character!"

or

"YOU TOUCHED MY DICE?!!!! THAT'S IT, I NEVER LOVED YOU AND I SLEPT WITH YOUR BROTHER, HE KNOWS HOW TO LEAVE MY DICE ALONE!!!!"

 

[Thunderfoot]

Hey! I was "that girl" once! So - here are my thoughts on the issue...

Step 1: Keep it simple.

Don't get mega-uper-complicated. My first character was WAY RIDICULOUS. Couple leves of Druid, Ranger, and something else. I don't remember the specifics, but I do remember that I couldn't understand any of it when it came time to play.

As such, I'd start at level 1. Go through character creation together and then play through an adventure with her 1-on-1 so she gets comfortable with it. One of my biggest problems was being "scared" the gamers would think I was stupid - some 1-on-1 time makes it easy to cross that bridge.


Step 2: Keep it as normal as possible.

Stick with something iconic. It's easy to relate to and won't make her uncomfortable. Kill some orcs, take their stuff.


Step 3: Level up together!

Once you're done with the adventure, show her how to level up. No one ever showed me how and then the gaming group would end up doing it in the middle of a session or at the end... and I was too shy to say, "Hey - I don't know how to do this." Caused me a lot of frustration and I tried to do it myself. Messed up my numbers and then got called out for bad math by a rules lawyer. Felt totally stupid. Almost turned me off to gaming.


Step 4: Don't be weird when you game.

Once you've been playing for a while, if it's logical for your characters to strike up a romance, go for it. However, just because she's your gf doesn't mean your characters need to hook up. Trust me, it's weird for everyone.

Also, don't give her any sort of special treatment unless it's appropriate in character. Treat her character like the rest of the players.

These two things will help reduce friction between you, your gf, and long-time players that almost inevitably arise when "the girlfriend" comes to play. That friction can, and has, ripped apart gaming groups around the world.


Step 5: Be patient as she learns the rules.

Don't let a rules lawyer get all up in her business, but be sure to correct her when she breaks the ruels. There's a happy medium somewhere between total jack-hole and way-too-relaxed. Find it and stick to it. Nothing sucks more than being the new girl at the gaming table and having people snap at you for not taking your AoO or adding your dex bonus to damage or whatever it is you're doing wrong.


Step 6: If she doesn't like it, don't pressure her.

If it's not her cup of tea, don't push it on her. Let her know that she can tell you if she does, or does not, like the game. Sadly, it's not for everyone so prepare yourself.

All Aces Queen D!! I agree 100%, I have successfully indoctrinated my wife, my best friends (now) wife and two other gamer's wives into my campaign, working on one guys daughter, the more the merrier! (That sounds worse than it is...please don't extrapolate.)

 

[NCSUCodeMonkey]

(That sounds worse than it is...please don't extrapolate.)

Too late

 

[The Green Adam]

You mean...you can date cute women who aren't into gaming? I've never heard of such a thing.

It took a while to get my ex-wife into gaming but only because of her own initial shyness. While she had difficulty imagining the idea of playing with a group, she was already a fan of fantasy novels, anime and fantasy films. She was essentially a gamer who didn't game. Once she was exposed to it and played herself, she became hooked. Now, she owns more dice then I do. Waaay more.

And there in lies the snag - If she is the type who likes the kind of things you do then it's a good bet she'll like gaming.