How have you explained roleplaying to your spouse/SO?

[Rel]

But your sessions still have dancing, singing, inebriation, and animal sacrifice? So it's like a barbeque?

Duh.

 

[Lela]

"Basically, you are an actor/actress playing the part of a character you create. I present situations, and you play the part of that character demonstrating how they would react to the situations. You also take initiative and push your own characters agenda and goals, whatever those might be"

I'd go on to explain that different characters (on TV or otherwise) focus on different things. Some love combat, others love an argument. Still others enjoy burning things down.

To explain the dice, books and rules I'd bring up that characters are working against each other. Usually against the world builder (director/producer/dm) but sometimes even against fellow players. To do that you need rules to control, guide or influence.

The level of control the rules provide is up to the group. Some groups need more control: others work better with less. That also applies to situations. Some situations/scenes/performances are less in need of rules than others.

All of this is fun, depending on who you play with (just like anything else). It's a game with guidelines and restrictions combined with imagination and tactics.

 

[Ourph]

The part I'm struggling with is getting across the point that it's fantastic and imaginative, but not purely escapist, and that it can be super rules-based but doesn't have to be. It doesn't help that her only exposure is to my current group, which is super combat-focused. Thoughts?

I explained it to my wife by putting it in terms of Star Trek. The characters are a group of friends who all have adventures together, like Kirk, Spock, McCoy and Scotty. Every week there is something to do, like kill the evil alien overlord or find the important doohickey to save the ship. The reason we use dice and little action figures and books is that there's no script, instead we use a set of game rules to determine whether we can hit the Klingons with our phasers or rejigger the transporter to go back in time successfully. Also, the rewards are usually gold and magic items rather than getting to bag the hot alien chick.

I think that helped a little, but in the end I just told her...

"It's what creative, nerdy guys do instead of playing Poker."

That seemed to help.

 

[sev]

My spouse and I both play. However, last night while his character was dead & the rest of us were desperately (and loudly) trying to avoid a TPK, I listened to him try to explain it to our houseguests. The explanation that seemed to be sticking the best was: It's make-believe, but for grown-ups. With pizza.

We've also had people sit at the table and spectate, which seems to work for people approaching it from a supposition of friendliness & interest.

 

[Anselyn]

So, how have you explained roleplaying (both in the sense of a more tactical game like D&D, but also in the larger, story-oriented sense)?

Get her to roleplay through a situation:
YOU: "You come home and the front door is open although your're sure you locked it when you left. What do you do?
HER: [Perhaps] I look carefully inside.
YOU: The house has been turned upside down - and you can hear a moaning from upstairs. What you going to do.
HER: ...
etc., etc.

Proceed as far as you like with playing through this situation. Then you can say - what if you weren't answering as the real you but an idealised version of you - or as Wonder Woman. What would you do then? What if instead of her and your house she was playing Buffy and she'd gone over to Willow's House (or something).

If you can get that idea over then the figures and rules are just the framework that a group of players use so they can all chip into the onging story.

 

[pawsplay]

I have. It seemed only fair once her dwarf scout was 19th level and all.

 

[Hjorimir]

Just say, "Babe, it's like when you put on the kitty suit and the jelly is the catnip and..."

In other words, make-believe is just a whole lot of fun.

I will now duck out before the ENWorld grandmother shows up.

 

[john112364]

Explain it to her? No way she would ever understand. I just let her think I'm having an affair with another woman. It was much easier that way.



Seriously, I tried to explain it to my wife and I think she gets the concept. We have many similar interests for reference, I just don't think she is interested. But still she doesn't have a problem with me playing. I am definitely a lucky guy! (And for more reasons than this too, but that another story. )

Have you gotten your wife watch a game? (Make sure it a climatic game for the most action and excitement.) Nothing hooks a potential new player like experiencing the game. It may not be her cup of tea, but she will probably understand the game a little better.

 

[TheNovaLord]

dont scare her with the house is wrecked story!!

I go with:
You are at work. Its kinda quiet. The lights suddenly flicker and the emergency generator kicks in
The phone lines are dead
out your window the citys lights are failing
you see 3 or 4 other equally confused colleagues

what do you do?

dont force her to sit through a typical D&D game

Having said that my wife isnt the least bit interested in learning about what i do on game nights!
I roleplayed before i met here, so she knows whats important to me....had 20 happy years together so it seems to work for us

 

[DragonLancer]

She's seen our group and understands the mechanics of it, so it's not explaining what roleplaying is, but why you would want to do it.

For example, she's very into modern dance, as both a performer and an audience member. I had had very little experience with that when we met, but she was able to explain to me how to understand and appreciate dance and now even though it's not my thing (and I still hate dancing) I get it, and I get why she likes it. That is the kind of explanation I'm talking about.

Imagination and escapism? Social bonding?