How open are you about playing DnD?

[F5]

That's what I've just done. Not sure how it's going to go down, havn't had any new interviews yet... figured I might as well be up front about it? It is one of my major hobbies after all...

D&D is a great thing to have on a resume. I've had a couple of so-so interviews turn around when I was able to steer the conversation over to the d20 system. Talking for a minute about the legal issues behind the d20 and Open Gaming licenses is a chance for you to sound really smart about something pretty cool. And even if the inverviewer doesn't "get it", it can still be a good ice-breaker.

There will probably be people who will look at D&D on a resume and decide you're wierd and pass over you, but Djeta's advice about relationships is relevent here, too: the kind of person who will not hire you becuase you game is probably not the person you want to be working for, anyway...

 

[woodelf]

A related question, especially for those of you 'somewhat in the closet' (poll choice #2). How do you handle this situation:

An acquaintance/co-worker/random stranger/whoever who doesn't know you're a gamer a propos of nothing in particular mentions "yeah, I used to play D&D all the time" and proceeds to relate a few old gaming war-stories that make abundantly clear that the person in question both hasn't played the game a day since his twelfth birthday and also has a completely munchy view of it ("this one time we killed Zeus and it was awesome..."). Do you: 1) laugh at the guy for being such a geek; 2) act like you don't know what he's talking about; 3) nod agreement but don't elaborate; 4) invite him to the next session; 5) lecture him about how serious roleplayers approach the game and that his 12-year-old antics were a travesty; or 6) something else entirely? This sort of thing happens to me all the time. I almost always go with choice #3 but am wondering how other people, especially 'semi-closeted' gamers, react.

That depends not on the person talking, but the reactions of the others around him or her. If they're taking it as gospel, i'm gonna jump in: i have no problem with people not liking RPGs for what they are, but i have a big problem with people not liking them for what they aren't. It's like someone's only exposure to movies being a couple of MST3K-worthy abominations, and then spouting off about how awful movies are--you'd probably pipe up and counter by talking about a good movie you'd seen, and how not all movies are like the one the offender is describing.

If, on the other hand, it appears the rest of the listeners either (1) are dismissing the offender's comments or (2) just not paying attention, then i might just nod-n-smile. And if i'm the only listener, i might or might not say anything, depending on how much i care about the speaker. I know she's wrong, so i don't need to "set the record straight". But if it's a friend, and i think she might enjoy RPing but has just had bad experiences, i might take the opportunity to point this out. And, if she enjoys that style of gaming, there's no point in me saying anything--who'm i to tell someone they're "doing it wrong" just 'cause they play their RPGs in a manner i wouln't enjoy?

 

[Belen]

I take a wait and see attitude. Unless I know something about the person, then I would never let them know that I gamed. I made the mistake once of telling my ex-nutty baptist girlfriend what I was doing on a Saturday.

The next day, while I was at church with her, the minister walks up to me in front of the entire church and asks the congregation to help save my soul.

Needless to say: I broke up with her in front of the entire church and left.

Of course, I wanted to tell them all that I was going home to summon some demons to chase them down, but I refrained.

Moral of the story: Watch out for small southern baptist sects and never settle for a woman because she is hot.

However, all my co-workers know and have no trouble with it.

 

[woodelf]

It's an odd thing. I still often wish it was in the closet, not because my non-gamer friends think any less of me (they don't at all), but because of the constant geek jokes that I must contend with. Lets face it, ladies and gentlemen: no matter how social an activity we know it to be, no matter how much fun it is, there is something very geeky about several adults going into a basement and rolling dice and playing with miniatures talking in strange voices. Do your co-workers really need to know, too? If asked, I will typically say that I am hanging out with friends down south. Some of them know about my D&D and give me crap, but I just fire back about their Magic, Warhammer, and Dragon Dice they made the mistake of admitting.

What, you can't tease them about their football-watching, karaoke night, or NASCAR habit? It has to be an intellectual or strategic activity to be mock-worthy? It seems to me that, if you want to, there isn't a hobby out there that isn't worthy of ridicule, and easily mocked. If you want to. Or you could just accept that people have differing interests and habits, some of which won't make any sense to you, and let them have their fun. [I'll never understand watching sports on TV. Playing for fun? Yep. Competing? Yep. Training to get better? Yep. Professional athlete? Yep. Watching live, as a participatory experience? Yep. Watching a better athlete to pick up new techniques for your own competitions? Yep. But watching a sport you don't actively play, for the entertainment value alone? Nope, just don't get it. But millions of people do it every night, and the ads aren't the only reason the Super Bowl is one of the most-watched TV broadcasts. And you can't tell me that even a significant %age of those viewers are regular football players themselves, trying to pick up new moves.]

Playing D&D IS geeky. Period. Accept it, and be happy, but don't make altruistic statements about people judging you as if they have no right - going in a basement and playing with mini's and drinking a gallon of Dew while getting excited about a 20, IS a strange thing for an adult to do! Don't get mad at someone for thinking so, because they are right.

I'd say getting drunk off your ass is a pretty strange thing for a grown person to do. Getting into a fight because someone favors a different sports team seems pretty strange for a supposedly-adult person to do. Hell, identifying preferentially with a particular sports team that you have nothing beyond geography (if even that) in common with--and most of the players aren't from whereever the team is HQed, anyway--seems pretty strange. Getting dressed up in faux-military gear and running aronud in the woods with paintball guns pretending to kill each other strikes me as pretty strange. And, given the abundance of food in our society, freezing your ass off sitting in a tree for a weekend, pissing in a jar, just to shoot a deer with the latest high-tech equipment, seems downright bizarre. So, what are "normal" things for adults to do? How do you decide? Or do you just accept that anything that a group of adults wants to do, that isn't psychologically or physically harmful, is "not strange"?

Balance people. Some balance in your life...I recommend it. I limit my geek activities to D&D and being a Star Wars and LotR freak. Any more than three or four, and gaming defines you rather than you enjoy gaming. If you play D&D, Magic, LARP, computer games, and wargames while watching Frodo scale Mount Doom, you will not have time for a life outside your gaming click - and aren't most of these people ranting about judgements the ones that hate cliques and falling into a cookie cutter mold?

Balance? Yes. But what does "limiting your geek activities" have to do with it? Are you really saying that if you discovered you had a taste for Anime, you'd have to give up, say, D&D, to pursue it? As opposed to , say, giving up the bowling league? I mean, obviously, there're only so many hours in a week, and you can only pursue so many hobbies. Of whatever stripe. And i can see wanting some balance in your life, in terms of having active and intellectual, social and solitary, indoor and outdoor activities. But i just don't see how "geeky" is one of those things that needs to be limited or balanced, at least no more than you want it to be. If you don't want to be a geek--well, then, don't be one. But if you *are* a geek [and happy, and all that], it ain't gonna change just because you "limit yourself". Would you tell someone who has a very active social life, and is happy, that they need to balance things by adopting some solitary activities? No--only when someone is unhappy with their life do you suggest that they change it. That goes for geek-ness, too. If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Now, if someone who was an archetypal geek was complaining about their life, especially if the complaints revolved around their geekness [as opposed to others mocking them for their geekness], *then* i'd suggest that "balance", i.e., broadening their activities/experiences to include less-geeky ones, might be a solution. But not just because they're a geek.

 

[woodelf]

I take a wait and see attitude. Unless I know something about the person, then I would never let them know that I gamed. I made the mistake once of telling my ex-nutty baptist girlfriend what I was doing on a Saturday.

The next day, while I was at church with her, the minister walks up to me in front of the entire church and asks the congregation to help save my soul.

Needless to say: I broke up with her in front of the entire church and left.

Of course, I wanted to tell them all that I was going home to summon some demons to chase them down, but I refrained.

Man, you wasted a perfect opportunity! I'd kill [wait--wrong choice of words ] for a chance to try and address the misconceptions of an entire congregation about RPGs.

And it's pretty easy: you respond to the minister with something along the lines of "and, if you were me, how would you respond to this situation?". If he answers, you've got him: "You've just participated in a hypothetical scenario, responding to a situation you aren't really in, from the point of view of someone else. So, either you're now in need of salvation, too, or roleplaying is a perfectly harmless, even helpful, activity. Think how much better the world would be if we all actually lived by the Golden Rule, and made the effort to think about what the other person is feeling or thinking before acting? Roleplaying is simply an opportunity to explore things in a way that has no negative consquences if we make a mistake, so that if we have to deal with it in reality, we're more likely to do it right. And it's something that people do every day, without even thinking about it."

You're not likely to "win" the argument, but there's a reasonable chance that at least a few of them will think about their position a bit more. And even a misguided opinion is better if the person is willing to think about it than when it's unreasoned prejudice.

 

[woodelf]

Here in the dorms of CPP, I have my D&D books over my desk - next to my calculus and engineering books. For the most part, I don't sit there and go on and on about gaming. It would more than likely just annoy the hell out of the people around me, who for the most part don't care. If they ask, I attempt to answer to the best of my ability, but I don't try and thrust my hobbies on others.

Not to mention, it's a pretty good way to meet people with similar interests. A friend of mine introduced me to someone who became a long-term SO because she saw gaming books on each of our desk shelves, and thought we'd hit it off. Put together a pretty good gaming group in roughly the same way (they saw RPG books in my room when we were studying together, or vice versa).

For that matter, when i lived in the dorms, we gamed in the common room most of the time-- 1-2/week, at the same time people were watching TV or playing cards, or even studying. We'd sometimes game in a dormroom, usually with teh door open, but that really only works for about 3 people, no more. I think it was, for the most part, good advertising--people actually see what gaming is like, and can form their opinions (good or ill) accurately. Which is all i can expect--not everyone will like anything, but i'd like them to decide whether or not they like it based on a reasonably accurate understanding of it.

 

[woodelf]

I put mine on something other, because:
It's in my résumé. Some employers ask about it, and others don't. Generally speaking they find it interesting, and something special that sets me apart from the grey mass of applicants.

I'll go you one better: it's the core of my resume (and my portfolio). And i'm not applying for jobs that have anything to do with fantasy/SF, RPGs, or games in general. But i'm trying to break into a field where i don't have the "requisite" degree, and if i were to excise all gaming references, i'd have almost nothing left of relevant experiences, and not many examples to support my claims of relevant skills.

 

[DarkMaster]

Well I almost don't tell anybody. That is why I got isolated and didn't play for around 5-6 years, when I lost my previous group.

My brother-in-law which was playing a lot of RPG computer games, decided to get interested and buy the 3.5 books. My sister told him that I've been playing the game for years and that he should talk about it with me. He was very surprised to see that I was a gamer, and even more that I always played as a DM. He never taught that I could be interested RPG. Before that he wasn't talking too much with me, He saw me as a very rational computer engineer without imagination. Now we have a very good relation. So we started a group with him, his brother, my sister, my wife and another friend.

I always hid it from others in the past and still have a lot of problem admiting it to colleagues (after all I am a 30 years old father and shouldn't be playing that game).

I regret it a bit, I could have played for the last 5-6 years, would have I done otherwise. For example I talked about it to a guy at work and 10 minutes later he passed at my office telling me that if I needed players, he would join.

I guess all that comes from high school, where it was only the geek and the weird playing that game. In high school I was playing basket ball and the other players might have laugh at me. There was also the girl factor, Lots of the girl I was interested in would have find me weird. So I kept that to me and played with my old friend from elementary school.

But I think that things changed now. Last time I went to the hobby shop I saw a few 12-16 year old girl looking at the RPG Book It was a complete shock for me(they didn't look geeky at all). I could beleive it, one of them was explaning to her father the game and that she was playing a barbarian and the father was listening to her (my dad would have told me that I am crazy). I think the general view of RPG has evolved a lot thanks to video game.

When I was young my parents were scared that I would commit suicide or become a murderer. Now parent would see RPG as a very good alternative to video game, where their child can let their imagination loose and without hardcore graphic violence. I personally can't wait for my son to be old enough to start playing.

All that to say that I am still stuck inside with that old way of thinking that RPG are for geeks and I have a very hard time "coming out of the closet"