Ranger REG
Explorer
Did you put RSVP requests on the invitation cards?megamania said:
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How to handle a dud of a party
- Thread starter megamania
- Start date
bento
Explorer
My wife and I have gotten to the point where if we throw a party, expect 1/4 to 1/5 of those who say they'll be there, will be there. I've found when you talk to those that don't show up about what happened, there always seems to be a good excuse.
Back when our kids were smaller sometimes something would come up that kept us from going to a party. We'd usually call the day after to apologize, and once we sent money to the host to cover our reservations.
Back when our kids were smaller sometimes something would come up that kept us from going to a party. We'd usually call the day after to apologize, and once we sent money to the host to cover our reservations.
megamania
Hero
The party was RSVP'd in the beginning of June. That's how I got a number of confirmed yes's.
What has come to hurt the most was some of the excuses. It hurt my wife's feelings so much she blew up at work on one of the people.
"I was tired"
"I forgot"
"My son didn't want to go with me" [son is 21 and not challenged or in a special need]
"I was wondering if it was this weekend" gee- we've been talking about it for....2 MONTHS now!
welp.... 1100 dollars later.....I still have 90 hamburgers in the freezer, 100 dogs. We just threw out the appitizers since it has been a few days. 1/2 of the cake remained so I brought to work to allow the savages there to comsume it before it went bad. I will be eating PB&Js on hotdog and burger rolls until they turn green.
Needless to say.... I will NEVER do this again.
What has come to hurt the most was some of the excuses. It hurt my wife's feelings so much she blew up at work on one of the people.
"I was tired"
"I forgot"
"My son didn't want to go with me" [son is 21 and not challenged or in a special need]
"I was wondering if it was this weekend" gee- we've been talking about it for....2 MONTHS now!
welp.... 1100 dollars later.....I still have 90 hamburgers in the freezer, 100 dogs. We just threw out the appitizers since it has been a few days. 1/2 of the cake remained so I brought to work to allow the savages there to comsume it before it went bad. I will be eating PB&Js on hotdog and burger rolls until they turn green.
Needless to say.... I will NEVER do this again.
Ranger REG
Explorer
Okay, besides the usual burgers and hotdogs, what other food you're serving?megamania said:
Deus Ex Machina
First Post
I definitely sympathise with you Mega. To me, once you commit to something, you should follow-through on that obligation or have a damn good reason not to. Otherwise, face up to it and just say no in the first place. Though, just because you might be a responsible and considerate person, often doesn’t mean much to many others.
I don’t think there is a cure for this social affliction. Trying to change the attitude of the people who have let you down often only leads to further disappointment. Very often, the only real solution is to somehow ensure that people have to commit something that they would be reluctant to lose if they pull out, ie. money. Then, you truly see just who is committed. Though, in cases like a party at home that just isn’t viable.
As has been mentioned a couple of times, you now know the people that you can rely on and those who are likely to let you down in future. I say, build on that list of good people and try to make sure that future events are on neutral territory if possible, where you’re not the one left with a huge problem when inconsiderate people decide that they can’t be bothered.
An expensive lesson I've learned myself.
Incidentally, for what it's worth, Happy Anniversary! You already have your most important friend, so screw all the others!
I don’t think there is a cure for this social affliction. Trying to change the attitude of the people who have let you down often only leads to further disappointment. Very often, the only real solution is to somehow ensure that people have to commit something that they would be reluctant to lose if they pull out, ie. money. Then, you truly see just who is committed. Though, in cases like a party at home that just isn’t viable.
As has been mentioned a couple of times, you now know the people that you can rely on and those who are likely to let you down in future. I say, build on that list of good people and try to make sure that future events are on neutral territory if possible, where you’re not the one left with a huge problem when inconsiderate people decide that they can’t be bothered.
An expensive lesson I've learned myself.
Incidentally, for what it's worth, Happy Anniversary! You already have your most important friend, so screw all the others!
Last edited:
Hijinks
First Post
It's never ok to respond to a breach of etiquette with a breach of your own.
The proper thing to do would be as others have suggested and just stop inviting those people over; only mention why if they ask.
I think a lot of people nowadays overbook their lives and some of them probably had a better offer for that day/night. It sucks, but that's the way some people are.
I remember something similar as a child; my parents planned a big New Year's party and lots of people RSVP'd. They bought a lot of food and booze. Only 2 couples showed up. I remember looking at the overflowing buffet table and bar and feeling really bad for them. It's one reason I have never thrown a large party myself and I get nervous just thinking about inviting a few friends over. It's something I'm trying to deal with and overcome but it's still hard.
Pielorinho
Iron Fist of Pelor
The folks who didn't show up are a lost cause, I think; I would in the future not bother to invite them to anything where their presence will affect your plans.
Perhaps someone reading this thread can be helped, however.
There are three reasons to skip out on an RSVPed event without calling first:
1) Death;
2) Coma;
3) The event is being held in the middle of a wilderness area with no cell phone coverage.
Failing these three events, you must show up or, at the very least, call.
As for not showing up, traditionally the only acceptable excuses are death or severe injury/illness. Those have been expanded in recent times to include childcare issues and the like. What is NEVER acceptable is to flake out because it becomes inconvenient, or because you're kinda tired, or because something more interesting came along. As the OP shows, when you RSVP to an event, the host makes plans assuming you'll be there, often shelling out beaucoup cash. To ditch for lousy reasons shows a real disrespect for the host's time, energy, and money.
Daniel
Perhaps someone reading this thread can be helped, however.
There are three reasons to skip out on an RSVPed event without calling first:
1) Death;
2) Coma;
3) The event is being held in the middle of a wilderness area with no cell phone coverage.
Failing these three events, you must show up or, at the very least, call.
As for not showing up, traditionally the only acceptable excuses are death or severe injury/illness. Those have been expanded in recent times to include childcare issues and the like. What is NEVER acceptable is to flake out because it becomes inconvenient, or because you're kinda tired, or because something more interesting came along. As the OP shows, when you RSVP to an event, the host makes plans assuming you'll be there, often shelling out beaucoup cash. To ditch for lousy reasons shows a real disrespect for the host's time, energy, and money.
Daniel
Pielorinho
Iron Fist of Pelor
Hospitals have telephones, dangit!Hijinks said:2.5) Wife in labor?
Daniel
Piratecat
Sesquipedalian
We had a barbecue last weekend where 120 people (including small children) RSVPed (via evite) in the positive. Due to the threat of rain, 100 people (80 adults, 20 kids) came. Maybe 5 of those missing people let us know that day, and another three apologized profusely afterwards.
The rest? Kinda rude, even WITH it being an evite-bbq. If it were an anniversary party, it'd be really hard to forgive.
I think you should take the high road and not send out a tacky email, though. Passive aggressive hostility or laying on guilt doesn't work in the long run, and changes nothing about the past.
Anyways, happy anniversary! You fought for it, and I celebrate your happiness.
The rest? Kinda rude, even WITH it being an evite-bbq. If it were an anniversary party, it'd be really hard to forgive.
I think you should take the high road and not send out a tacky email, though. Passive aggressive hostility or laying on guilt doesn't work in the long run, and changes nothing about the past.
Anyways, happy anniversary! You fought for it, and I celebrate your happiness.
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