how to hit on girls without being creepy?

[Banshee16]

but here's the real thing - don't try too hard. if something doesn't evolve naturally out of first casual, and eventually more intimate conversation, as well as spending time together both going out and staying in, then you simply cannot force it to happen.

This is an excellent point. A lot of guys seem to want to "make" something happen. You can't. Something will happen when you're ready. And often it's easiest to be successful when you're not trying to meet anyone...when you're just being yourself, trying to make new friends, being friendly, and not caring. Women can smell when a guy is looking to meet someone, and often don't find it very attractive.

Banshee

 

[Torm]

Courting is courting and stalking is stalking, never the twains shall meet.

This reminds me of something a comedienne (whose name eludes me at the moment) says in her routine about the thing that determines whether a situation is sexual harassment or not is whether or not she thinks the guy is cute.

Not saying I agree, but it is something to ponder.

 

[Humanophile]

...anyone can have the best drawn out if you take the time and care to do it right. The games are there, but they aren't usually even their fault - the games are their logical response to what the world has shown them so far. You just have to show them more than what they've already seen.

First, drawing out the best takes time, care... and skill. Walk in with just the belief that "love makes it all better", you'd do less damage if you walked in with a critical mass of U-238.

More importantly, while most people could be "polished up", doing so requires that you first get past their defenses, then that you work out their issues. Both of those require ...(wait for it)... games. So yes, one can play games to bring about a game-free relationship. That doesn't change my original statement (people who don't play/require games from the get-go being insanely rare) one bit.

 

[Thotas]

Torm, according to what I see posted in my workplace, that's not a joke. The way it's phrased, any expression of interest is harrassment if it's "unwanted". No chance given to take "No" for an answer. Which is taking a good and decent rule into the realm of sheer stupidity motivated by paranoia.

 

[Droid101]

This could be the funniest thread I've ever seen.

No, wait, the Everquest Search for Love is, but this is close.

 

[Teflon Billy]

This reminds me of something a comedienne (whose name eludes me at the moment) says in her routine about the thing that determines whether a situation is sexual harassment or not is whether or not she thinks the guy is cute.

That's Elaine Boozler I think, a good friend of Jerry Seinfeld's and the basis for the character Elaine Benis from his TV show.

 

[devilish]

Torm, according to what I see posted in my workplace, that's not a joke. The way it's phrased, any expression of interest is harrassment if it's "unwanted". No chance given to take "No" for an answer. Which is taking a good and decent rule into the realm of sheer stupidity motivated by paranoia.

Had a lawyer come into work to teach all the managers "the rules," at least
here in the States in CT.

You're allowed 1 "no" to an expression of interest from anyone except a direct report. If you persist, then it's harrassment.

With direct reports, you're not allowed at all. This includes people who report into
the people who report into you, etc.

 

[devilish]

Otherwise, stop thinking like a gamer geek with the book in front of him, and start thinking like a gamer geek in play. Start "leveling up", learning how to talk to girls before trying more complex relationship dynamics. It will suck at several steps, but the only alternative requires significant cash flow for the rest of your romanic life.

Hmmm.... "Before you take on the succubus or the nymphs, you've got
to wade through the goblins, orcs and trolls."

Sound advice.

 

[Teflon Billy]

Hmmm.... "Before you take on the succubus or the nymphs, you've got
to wade through the goblins, orcs and trolls."

Sound advice.

Yeah, understanding the league you are capable of competing in is important, no argument.

 

[Obryn]

that's great if you're lawful good. but i look out for number 1 first, although i do try to avoid hurting others when possible, and i believe in staying true to myself as an individual above all, so that makes me firmly chaotic neutral

It's going to be rough being non-creepy if you're defining everyone in terms of D&D alignments.

Let's start from the top. What do you look like? I'm serious here. Are you tall? short? fat? thin? Is there anything you could do to improve the way you look? Do you have good hygeine? What kinds of clothes do you wear? If it's mostly black T-shirts or button-ups with silkscreen dragons, it might be time to expand your wardrobe. If you have long hair, is it greasy? If you have short hair, is it groomed well?

It will be really rough not to come across as creepy if you look creepy.

I'll be blunt. It seems from reading this thread that you need more help than just "not being creepy." You sound desperate, and that in turn leads directly to creepy.

There are a lot of folks who are saying not to change who you are... Don't listen to them. Change who you are and make yourself better. Expand your horizons and get other hobbies. Lose some weight (or gain some muscle) and improve your appearance. Bathe. Brush your teeth several times a day. Don't do it for the girls, do it for yourself. Maybe if you are happier with that, you'll be able to work things out better.

I once weighed 270. After going on a humongous crash diet, I got down to 185 in about seven months. I felt great about myself and looked way better. Guess when I had better luck with women.

Next, give up on the excessive intellectualization. Holy cow, the "relationship matrix," the references to D&D alignment, asking how many seconds of eye contact is appropriate... It made my eyes bleed. Stop rationalizing so damn much.

Oh, and finally don't ask for relationship advice on a gaming board. You might feel comfortable here, but it's not exactly stud central. Hell, take my advice with a grain of salt, too. I do okay for myself, but not that well.

Teflon Billy gave you the straight dope, though it might take a bit of work to get yourself to the place you need to be in order to use it.

-O