how to hit on girls without being creepy?

[megamania]

When I saw this thread I thought it was a joke.

Some of you seem to be taking this VERY seriously.

Relax.

Every dog has his day.

As for advice-

don't push

If something is ment to occur it will. Pushing ticks off most people (women included). Be yourself and enjoy life.

If you feel this desperate then change little things. Clothes, how you comb your hair. It doesn't have to a drastic thing. But it shows change and interest in change. People notice and like this in general.

 

[Captain Tagon]

If you feel this desperate then change little things. Clothes, how you comb your hair.

What if you don't have hair?

 

[trowizilla]

looks: i have a bit of a gut, which i'd like to get rid of, but that's probably not gonna happen
unless they invent a way to do so without large chas investment or willpower (something which i have not been gifted with)

The "no willpower" thing is an excuse, plain and simple. You're being lazy, which is more of a turnoff than being overweight. Women are far more likely to overlook a few extra pounds than a "I'm not even going to try to fix something that bothers me" attitude.

i do try to bathe, shave, and use deodorant when i'm going to places i know girls might be.

Now, that's firmly in the realm of "creepy". Basic hygeine shouldn't depend on whether or not there will be girls in the area. It's very, very off-putting if you only take care of your body when there's someone you want to impress...that kind of thing should be automatic. And don't think that you can keep that kind of thing a secret, especially on campus: people know if you have a habit of not bathing, even if you never parade that under their noses.

as for how i dress, i dress for comfort and convienience and to express my personality. i express my personality through t-shirts that relate to my interests (not all of them are black either, though most are). i'm not going to change who i am and become a trendy, i despise the "fashion trend" crowd and all that they stand for. i'm happy with "who i am" in this area, the only way anyone's getting me to wear things that aren't "me" is if i'm being compensated financially. and the moment i'm off the clock, i'm gonna wear what I wanna wear.

No one is telling you to be trendy: a few nice sweaters and clean, well-fitting pants will do wonders. Also, "message" t-shirts are okay once in a while, but they (a) label you as a shallow person and (b) are often snide or tacky. If you want people to get to know you, talk to them, but don't advertise yourself. Also, this may have been said before, but if changing your clothing is going to change who you are, well, who you are is not someone many people are going to want to know. The whole "my t-shirts are my only means of self-expression" is incredibly juvenile.

i don't understand what you mean by "excessive intellectualization"? am i not supposed to think about things and analyze them? i don't understand how that's scary?

It's scary because you're looking for a formula to deal with people, who are not variables in an equation. This isn't (optimum number of seconds of eye contact) + (jerk or nice guy attitude) = make-out session. The "relationship matrix" is even worse. And the "I want to kiss someone before graduation" absolutely reeks of desperation: not only do you have an equation, but you've got a deadline too.

I hate to say it, but you do come off as quite creepy to me, as well as very immature, and that's from mere online contact. Your perfect world lets you proposition a woman for rather intimate physical contact without knowing a thing about her, moving on to the next if the first turns you down. You seem to have a "I want a girl, any girl" attitude; no one's going to be attracted to you if you're only interested because they've got matching chromosomes. Get one of those plastic blow-up dolls if all you care about is someone's orifices.

My advice is to give up for a while on dating/making out/whatever, and to focus merely on learning to deal with females/people in general as friends and acquaintances. Women, after all, are not here simply as potential make-out partners for you, so get to know them as people first. The best ways to do this that I know are getting involved in campus activities, chatting with people in your classes, and smiling/being polite and friendly to everyone you meet. Do not in any way attempt to resemble Comic Book Guy from the Simpsons: don't be a know-it-all or self-righteous, and for heaven's sake, find non-geekish interests. Definitely forget this whole "I despise (x) crowd and all that they stand for". It's middle-school-ish and judgemental. Above all, don't whine about having no willpower or not living in a perfect world; blech.

Women almost never go for guys who whine, don't bathe regularly, never got out of middle school, and/or treat women as variables or chunks of meat.

 

[pogre]

I got a lot of mileage out of being a rude a** when I was single. It's been said repeatedly because it's true - confidence sells period.

Here's a somewhat novel piece of advice I think:

Date an ugly woman. She does not have to be troll-ugly, just plain and unattractive physically. You have got to get in the game man, and having a few dates will give you confidence.

Here's an old piece of advice:

Get in the weightroom and watch your diet. If you do not care about your body why should someone of the opposite sex?

Finally:

Being yourself is obviously not working - try being someone else - and whatever you do don't directly mention gaming.

After reading all of the previous posts - Teflon Billy has the ticket. How many "nice" guys had the hottest girl in your highschool OR was it the jerk...

 

[Captain Tagon]

After reading all of the previous posts - Teflon Billy has the ticket. How many "nice" guys had the hottest girl in your highschool OR was it the jerk...

And how many of the jerks end up in the lifelong commited and rewarding relationships where they get to wake up every morning next to the lady that is to them the single most amazing human being anywhere on planet earth?

 

[Teflon Billy]

And how many of the jerks end up in the lifelong commited and rewarding relationships where they get to wake up every morning next to the lady that is to them the single most amazing human being anywhere on planet earth?

Right here.

So one at least

What that has to do with this thread is debatable. I'm pretty sure that Hida has explained that this is not the goal he is seeking.

 

[Captain Tagon]

Right here.

So one at least

What that has to do with this thread is debatable. I'm pretty sure that Hida has explained that this is not the goal he is seeking.

True, but I make my points where I can, even if they fail. Congrats to you by the way.

As for talking to girls, I think the best thing to do is not go in with the mindset of "hitting on them". The tends to kind of objectify the girl in your mind which is something the girl, or at least her friends, can usually spot.

And be confident. You're cool, you're worth spending time with.

 

[Humanophile]

And how many of the jerks end up in the lifelong commited and rewarding relationships where they get to wake up every morning next to the lady that is to them the single most amazing human being anywhere on planet earth?

The jerks get to wake up to a rotating selection of beautiful women. Some might see never having to be called out to the opera, take care of the kids, or put up with her bad moods as an upside.

And Hida, I'm going to call you out here. If you want to make any progress, you're going to have to swallow your pride, put off your hopes of this effort-free quickie, and actually learn how to be sociable. If you're willing to invest the effort, you'll be able to initiate conversations in no time flat; it gets easier with each time until it's second nature to you. If all you want to do is defend the way things are, you can continue the same tricks with the same results.

Now, you can keep defending yourself, and hope your Eagle's Splendor spell works. Or you can invest the time and effort required to be properly sociable. But please show us some signs you're at least trying to improve, or this thread will just be your own one-man freak show.

 

[Buttercup]

I think there is a difference between pointing that out and actually suggesting it.

We'll have to agree to disagree, then.

 

[DungeonmasterCal]

How many "nice" guys had the hottest girl in your highschool OR was it the jerk...

I was the nice guy, and I dated some of the cutest girls in school.